Feeling crushed and confused

I know I’m going to sound ridiculous but I need to vent about it now anyways Recently I’ve had massive anxiety over my steam account and the games I’ve played on them, I know the steam recap is coming up and the game that’ll show on mine (nothing NSFW or weird) is giving me massive anxiety. It’s the fact that I don’t necessarily love a majority of the games that’ll be on there but liked enough to put some time into. There’s also a game on there that I made the mistake of removing the achievements for which also adds an inconsistency. Knowing that there’s stats like this being track on places like steam add constant pressure for me to finish games I’ve started or play more other games which burns me out. Like I’d rather have a profile that’s actually *me* and not something OCD driven if that makes any sense. This year I’ve spent about £600 on games so making a new steam account would crush me massively too. I just don’t know what to, I had issues like this a few years ago with my PlayStation profile and I thought when I move to PC these things would be better but of course they weren’t. Obviously there’s other, bigger issues in my life but as of late this has gotten to me quite significantly, gaming is something that used to help me take my mind off of these other issues but it’s slowly becoming a part of the problem. I don’t expect any advice but I’d appreciate it anyways. Just massively lost.

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I don’t know if removing the Steam account would be good for you. You’re trying to eliminate any record of your compulsion-driven behavior, and I can understand wanting to do that, but if you go that far to do what is effectively a compulsion in and of itself, how can you have any assurance that you won’t go and repeat that behavior on a new account? Isn’t it irrational to try to hide from things that bother you when that’s at the root of your illness? Maybe a new account can give you a clean slate, but you can always change your own behavior regardless of which account you’re on. Not telling you what to do, but think about that.

Sillygoose12

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous The things is, I know you’re probably right in saying all of that but it’s that feeling of discomfort and anxiousness that just won’t fade no matter how I change my mindset. I want to be able to enjoy things like games but there’s always this need of control of how something turns out, which then just turns into something that makes me uncomfortable anyways. Absolutely exhausted lol

Tea and Honey

Date posted: Yesterday

It sounds like the OCD is giving you compulsions to achieve certain things in the games, and this is making you exhausted because you can't enjoy playing the games, but feel forced to go beyond what you would normally do. And if you try to resist the compulsions, then you feel really uncomfortable. Am I understanding this right? If this is the case, then the answer is simple (but not easy). You need to apply ERP to this situation. I don't think you should stop gaming. It sounds like gaming is something that you would enjoy if you could do it in a healthy way. And there's nothing wrong with that! You should be able to do the things that you enjoy in life!! We just have to take the compulsive part out of it. What would that look like? Let's talk about that.

Tea and Honey

Date posted: Yesterday

@Tea and Honey ERP in this situation would look like this: 1.). You ALLOW the trigger. In other words, you continue to play the games and allow your brain to tell you that you have to achieve certain things in the games. 2.) You RESIST the compulsion. Here's where you mess with the OCD. If the OCD says you have to get exactly the three trophies, then you only get two on purpose. If the OCD says you have to get to level 5, then you stop at level 3 on purpose. If OCD was a person, you want to "slap OCD in the face" by refusing to play by its rules. 3.) You RIDE OUT the uncomfortable feelings. Remember that anxiety is like a wave. We have to ride it out like a surfer. When we deny the compulsions, our anxiety rises and rises. But eventually it will peak out and subside on its own. We have to allow ourselves to experience these uncomfortable feelings. Eventually, they will come back down again. With time and practice, all of this will get easier. ------------- What do you think? Do you think this will help you? :):):)

Sillygoose12

Date posted: 18h

@Tea and Honey Yeah doing something like what you listed would help, it’s just when you’re in the moment, specific thoughts like this (or others similar) carry so much weight that I can’t really think in a realistic way and end up just taking the easier and probably less helpful route with dealing with them

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 14h

@Sillygoose12 You are right!!! You have to practice this in little tiny BABY steps. You need to try this maybe just a few times a day at first. And start in the easiest contexts. Maybe just try it once today!!! This process takes baby steps! And that's okay!

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond