I know it may not be related to OCD but I’m having a hard time this holiday season. I keep having false hope due to the nature of Christmas itself… I am missing someone who was toxic in my life and I can’t seem to find anyone better to replace them. I keep crying and feeling lonely all the time, and I try to heal but it’s so hard, still tempting to look at their socials to see if they still miss me.
I am going through the same thing right now.. I ended a two year relationship two months ago. He was the worst boyfriend I had ever had. Abusive mentally, physically and emotionally. I blocked him on everything and have gone no contact for 9 ish weeks now. The last few days have hit hard, it’s the Christmas season I really mean it because I didn’t feel much before this. But seeing people in cute Christmas dates, gatherings, lovey Christmas songs… I ended up crying for the first time 3 days ago and I couldn’t stop. I’m soooooo here with you.
@Peaceful wishes It makes me jealous going to the mall buying stuff and eating alone when I use to do that with somebody a long time ago, then realizing I will never get to experience that with the same person again. It’s heart breaking. The worst part is that he didn’t care, and that he framed me as the toxic one despite me trying to help him. Not to mention how boring it is being single cause there’s no one to share your interests, life or hobbies with anymore. It’s that empty void that doesn’t go away, even with time. I recently saw him 2 days ago and as hard as it was, avoided eye contact and ignored him, because I know giving him a reaction would’ve given him what he wanted. I wanted to shatter his illusions that he no longer has control over me anymore and what we had wasn’t real. Yet I still experience false hope and limerence despite being incredibly self aware.
I think you probably just miss the idea of being in a relationship (Especially around a romantic time like Christmas) and that closeness with someone and you're going to the most recent example even though it wasn't a good relationship, but also, I think even the worst people have some good in them so maybe you miss that small part that was actually good?
@Anonymous I do miss the small good parts, because they were genuinely fun and stimulating. I no longer experience dopamine hits anymore and now I cope through shopping addictions, which I know isn’t healthy. I’m just so bored and want to move on but I can’t find anyone else I’m physically/mentally attracted to.
Hi. Sorry to hear that you're struggling with feelings of loneliness at the moment. I get those feelings from time to time as well. I agree with Anonymous was said. Maybe there were good parts that you really cherished when in that relationship with your partner. You can for sure have that again in the future. Sorry that things just didn't work out. What I try to do is focus on the things I do have control of and not think so hard about the things I can't control. It does help to ground yourself with things you can do to distract yourself. I hope you feel better. :(
@BigGyro09 I’m trying to, I did all the things recommended to me by friends and family. Focusing on my goals, hobbies, moving out, and I still feel an empty void no matter what. :( it feels like I’m in purgatory and I’m stuck in limbo basically. Revisiting old places and faded memories just to feel something other than grief.
@Anxious Chao Are you seeing a therapist? I think that can help you if possible. It sounds like this is really affecting you a lot. Remind yourself that you're trying your best. You're doing all that you can and you should be kind to yourself for that. I know exactly how you feel with revisiting nostalgic places to just escape those feelings. Maybe another thing that can help is being straight up about these feelings and accepting them if you haven't. It can probably help more than trying to wishing they weren't there. Whatever the case, you aren't alone. I relate to this a lot, when though I haven't really dated like that all that much.
@BigGyro09 I can’t see one till I move out unfortunately, that stuff will just get in the way of relocation and is costly, so I want to be completely sure that I am completely out of this state and have a income to be able to go to therapy for trauma reprocessing and narcissistic abuse therapy. I’ve been known to suppress my feelings and they’ve only amplified due to the holidays. I am not really a winter person and hate Christmas so I try to distract myself as much as I can until the feeling wears off. It wasn’t always like this… I use to love this season but now it’s just a reminder of what I no longer have.
@Anxious Chao I'm sorry to hear that you have so much negative feelings about this time of year and the things that have happened... I hope you have insurance for therapy so that it will be easier to cover costs. As you said it wasn't always like this so you won't always hate this time of year and you can find a way to like it again. I'm sorry that things are just so hard right now. I didn't know your relationship with your partner was so bad. Do you have any kind of happy place to go to? Somewhere you can retreat to as an escape from everything? Maybe a game, place, movie, etc?
@BigGyro09 I’m retreating back into Sonic and fixating on that really hard until I get the green light from my family to be able to move out. I’ve had limerence for a week now about him at the mall I was going to, I won’t lie I had false hope but that feeling has diminished already, and I’m already bored from Christmas shopping so I am escaping back into fantasy again until things get better.
@Anxious Chao I hope it does help. Video games help me in that way as well, and at this point it's a big reason as to why I play them. I also hope your shopping addiction is something that isn't harming you badly. I say that because addiction would imply you have had trouble stopping yourself from indulging in said habit. How long do you think it will take until you move out?
@BigGyro09 I have bad spending habits and sometimes it has ruined me and my family financially, but it’s not an ocd trait more of a trait in people with borderline personality disorder which I may or may not have. Due to the breakup I engaged in more riskier shopping addictions these past few days by buying blind boxes and charms from the miniso shop to try to get a rush of high or a dopamine fix since I refuse to use drugs or alcohol, it’s more like a distraction to destress or fill a void so to speak. And I would argue that it’s not a healthy coping mechanism at all. I would say it might take another month or two to finally decide where I’m going and what I’m doing to curb stomp the addiction itself, it’s interesting that you pointed it out as I rarely talk about it with therapists… but it might die down due to my boredom of the malls themselves. Each shop basically sells the same thing, so that rush wears off pretty easily.
I had a narcissitic mother, and even though I've been safely and happily away from them for 7 years, every now and then I have the desire to reform contact. When you're with a narcissit who was close to you, it's like a relationship slot machine and your body can get used to that, and even miss it, even if you don't. It's natural and it'll pass, it has nothing to do with who you are as a person.
@Vividragon If that’s the case… does that mean we will miss the narcissist for the rest of our lives? That feeling when it comes and it goes is permanent even if we are in a healthy relationship with someone better one day?
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