Venting

Ahhh 2nd post in a row last time for today I promise ! "<: ) but this post is different than the last and more so of stress and OCD anxiety . I feel super dirty and scared about the future, right now Real-Event OCD decided to punch me and remind me on things I did as a really young kid and when it came to hypers3xuality.. and stuff that I feel just super uncomfortable thinking about and the lack of self awareness I had at that age and especially when I was around other family members at any point of day. Eugh.. (those thoughts specifically are REALLY getting to me- I feel like a disgusting and awful being.) but there's also reminders of the things I went through as a young teen and the stuff I did with my ex at the time- the things he also made me do which now makes me really upset . I don't care if we talked recently, I was nice throughout but deep down I still don't feel healed . : ( And POCD too, now years later passes by and I feel like despite all the support I had from family.. all the good things I had and I overall had an amazing start of childhood- but I feel as I ruined it all . Thanks to OCD, thanks to hypers3xuality, thanks to the people I hung out with . : ( Thanks to my dumb choices . And I'm scared to grow up, I don't want to grow older and I sometimes feel like I revert back and it feels horrifying. I don't understand why others are excited about their futures I dread it so badly. But now that I feel that way, my mind tells me that I'm a creep because I want to stay young forever ? And I have other themes play out, health OCD isn't stabbing me at this current moment but it is poking at me . I feel super dizzy, my head is pounding from the stress and I feel not panicked, not angry, I'm not having an emotional outburst or anything I just feel dissociated and a bit scared . : ( I have finals tomorrow and I still need to study for that . --- I wish I could just hug everyone who's struggling as well or is listening right now <:,) I'm trying my best to not get into another full on episode- I'm using good coping mechanisms such as drawing and listening to music . I am trying my absolute best but it's so hard and it hurts both mentally and physically.. my head hurts so bad and my thoughts are going haywire so I at least want to vent this out despite knowing there's nothing else I can do to ease it unfortunately .

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi, I’m so sorry to hear that you are struggling with these things. I can relate on being scared of the future and afraid to grow older. I’m not necessarily afraid to grow older, but I worry about what the world will be like when I’m older. I feel like a part of this is normal, but when we obsess over it, needs to be paid attention to. And drawing and listening to music are great strategies. Trying different breathing techniques and coloring help me! I wish you the best in your journey and you’re not alone. I also love your chiikawa profile pic!🙏🏽🙏🏽

VVbee

Date posted: 16h

(First of all thank you <3😼 Usagi is one of my faves, felt like the expression/pfp resonated with me and fitted well for the app hehe) But in all seriousness thank you <:,) the way you described your fear for when it comes to growing older is something that I would relate to as well- I feel scared that by the time I fully grow up, everything will be different and things will be hard for me to manage with. But the MAIN reason why I'm scared to grow up (which this may sound silly to some, but it's been quite a major fear of mine for years) is since I didn't really have time to be a kid nor young teen, especially since I was dealing with my hypersexuality and I sort of forced myself to grow up and with the people I was with and the environment- (despite having such a strict but really good family and support system- it was mostly curiosity and OCD that led to things) it made me act completely different and by the time it was all over it was 2 years ago and I was now a bit older and now currently I am scared to become an adult for when the day comes. I still want to experience the last year or so of childhood and everytime someone mentions aging or birthdays I start panicking and crying. :^( I hate whenever people mention that I one day there will be new chapters and responsibilities, not because of the task itself but because it hits me that I'm no longer as young as I used to be and I'm scared how things will be, I'm afraid of change. And I feel as if I achieve something, now people will be impressed but at some point it may be whatever- or I also love my hobbies but I've been so many "too old" or "at your grown age" remarks at other adults who enjoy things and it gives me so much anxiety that it'll be me at some point, if that makes sense. And there's more fears but that'll end with me ranting for hours. I really appreciate your response, I've been trying my absolute best on trying to ease the anxiety by carrying on with the hobbies I love anyways and drawing & listening to my favorite playlists as you mentioned, I also got some stuff that are for stress and stuff so despite not having the actual help for it the coping mechanisms still help ease the stress a bit :^)

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