Today

Yesterday, after trying many times to tell my dad that I have to go, I finally went to a psychiatrist. My dad took too long to do anything, so I told him I needed to go that day, which was two days ago. When we arrived, I felt good that I might finally get help. I felt nice knowing I wouldn’t be alone. The amount of money was a lot almost 500 which was too much. I didint think of it cause I know with the insurance it will be a perfect amount We waited for my turn, then my dad and I went in. The doctor started speaking and then asked if I wanted the session to be only me. I said yes, and I asked my dad if he would get mad. He said no problem. The psychiatrist said that I should come regularly without stopping, and I told him that I might have some things that could stop me from coming. While I was speaking, someone opened the door while I was still inside. My dad later said that while he was sitting outside, they were asking, “When will she be out?” When I finished, the guy went inside very fast. The next day came. I woke up and went with my dad to work because I didn’t want to stay at home alone with myself. I sat with my dad at work for about seven hours and went with him to bring some things, even though they weren’t that important. Around 6:00 PM, he said, “Don’t care about that now, just leave it for tomorrow.” I was very tired because I was sick, and shortly after he said that, I literally dozed off because I was overthinking. Today, I woke up around 10:00 AM. (If you’re wondering, I can’t go alone.) I waited for my dad to come back from outside, assuming he knew I needed to go. I waited until 4:00 PM, then 5:00 PM. I told my dad about some things, especially about the insurance. He told me to ask them, which I did, but they didn’t answer. So I called them, and they said I needed to come and speak face to face about the insurance. I spoke with my sister. I know she’s tired of me. We went back and forth trying to find a solution whether I should go by myself since my brother took my dad’s car, even though my dad knows I have to go. I got ready to go and just waited for him to give me money for the metro. When he came, my sister told him about the insurance. He started talking rudely and switched the conversation to something else, not giving me time to explain how I did everything on my own. He said I didn’t tell him and that I was wasting money, and that I didn’t wait for him to find a solution even though that was almost three months ago. While talking, he spoke loudly and yelled, trying to prove himself. I tried not to say anything twisted because he would hit me. He kept saying that I’m wasting all the money we need, and that if this keeps going, I’ll waste a lot more even though I never thought like that, because I don’t even think about spending a lot of money. He said that in the end, they’ll take my money and say I have nothing. He also said that I didn’t listen or wait for him, and that there’s nothing wrong with me that I’m okay. Then he switched the conversation and started yelling at my sister. Now I’ve had enough. My sister probably won’t speak to me and might see me as a disgusting person. My dad treats my sister badly and keeps saying that we’re disrespectful, and that we should travel to our country and suffer, and that he wouldn’t care. I’ve been struggling quietly and didn’t say anything because I know that, in one word, I’m “just talking,” and that it’s not important and never will be. But I couldn’t do it anymore. I swear I couldn’t keep it inside. I needed something, and this was the solution. My dad got mad that I spent a lot of money, even though I know I wouldn’t continue because of how much I would have to pay. In the middle of all of this, he keeps praising my brother. I felt guilty about how my sister spoke for me. I was so annoyed with myself. I’ve had enough of how everything is going I wouldn't say I didn't care about any of this, I just know this is how it will go with my family they won't help