Sorry I keep posting so much

I think I might finally get out of this flare up soon. I’ve been absolutely terrified of having sexual images cause of my hormones making me anxious before my period. I got stuck creating images of myself to try to protect myself and they kept backfiring and I kept accidentally imagining things I didn’t want to. I’m wondering what to do about the guilt of having accidentally imagined things I didn’t mean to. It’s still my fault but what do I do? I’m hoping it doesn’t make me a bad person. I just was so scared.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 8h

Please don't blame yourself for these thoughts coming up. Your brain is meant to think of thoughts and sometimes it may just think thoughts you may not like. That's okay! It doesn't say anything about you and it doesn't mean anything is going to happen as a result of that. It's not your fault for having these thoughts, even if it feels like it is. You simply just accept the thoughts and you go on with your day!

worryywart

Date posted: 9h

it’s not your fault and don’t apologize for posting :( these thoughts don’t mean anything, you don’t want them. don’t attach any meaning to them because they don’t mean anything about you as a person, you’re not “bad” because of them. whenever those feelings of guilt come up, all you can do is try not to focus on it too much. try to tell yourself that you’ll deal with the feelings later and don’t try to disprove them, just let them be. i know it’s hard but you got this!

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 9h

@worryywart Thank you so much. I do feel bad because I think many times I’ve been so scared I panicked and thought things I don’t like, or was almost expecting them so I feel like I forced them. I don’t feel great about it at all, but helps to know I hate all of them that I’ve had and I really really just want to be a decent person the best that I can. Also, I haven’t really been helping much cause I haven’t felt well, but just wanted to say thank you so much for being so kind. Your comments really have helped me feel less alone and I also enjoy talking on discord too! 🫶

worryywart

Date posted: 8h

@liliesinbloom of course, i’m glad i can help however possible and i’m glad we’ve gotten to talk! i know exactly how you feel l especially with worrying you’re somehow forcing the thoughts. all just ocd worries, you’re okay :) i hope you get to feeling better soon!

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 8h

@worryywart Yeah it’s not a fun things to worry about.☹️ I definitely did create some of myself and in a panic I thought some things I really wish I hadn’t and I feel remorse for it but hope to do better in the future at least 💔

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 8h

@liliesinbloom And also just because I wasn’t thinking clearly and was afraid, but still not an excuse

worryywart

Date posted: 6h

@liliesinbloom it’s okay! sometimes we can also create these thoughts to “test” our reaction to them, either subconsciously or intentionally, and then ocd spins it even more. i know i’ve done the same thing and felt incredibly guilty about it afterwards. don’t beat yourself up over it, thoughts are just thoughts!

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8h

I don't know you personally, but I noticed you said you were Christian. I am as well. My church had a heavy emphasis on not having impure thoughts. Well OCD gives me random "impure" thoughts. So I would feel guilty about them because I'm not supposed to because I'm "sinning". Well with OCD, or really anyone, you can't control your thoughts. Actions are so much more important than your thoughts. Your thoughts can be frightening and really a pain to deal with, but they aren't causing bad actions. Honestly, you're the only person that knows about these thoughts.

liliesinbloom

Date posted: 8h

Thank you so much for your comment. I think it’s just hard because I really feel like I created some of the bad ones I have considered intrusive. It’s hard to know what to do about that cause I don’t want to have unrepentance and also don’t want to live with the reality of it being true. ☹️

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 3h

@liliesinbloom You have to let all the thoughts flow down the river, no matter what they are. Imagine a tree planted by a river. The leaves fall off the tree and flow down the river. You don't try to pick them up. You don't try to fix them. You just watch them float by. We need to do the same with our thoughts. We can't try to fix them. We just have to let them be. I am a Christian too. And I have learned that God does need us to "fix" the intrusive thoughts. You have to stop trying to figure out if the thoughts came from you or if they came from the OCD. You will find so much freedom from making it your policy to just let ALL thoughts/images float down the river. Don't try to analyze where the thoughts came from. Just let them float by. This can be very scary to do. And it takes practice. Also, if you feel like you are sinning because you haven't repented enough, consider this: The thoughts don't mean anything. They are just thoughts. You don't have to compulsively repent. I used to think I had to repent over every tiny thing. But it is very legalistic to think that we have to physically say sorry for every tiny thing. We aren't even capable of doing that. We need to have enough trust in the completed work of Christ to know that He covers our sins. Period. I used to spend so much time trying to repent over every tiny thing. And it became a legalistic mess. But I have learned that I don't have to do that. Every once in a while, I might say, "Please forgive me for all my sins." But I don't go chasing every tiny little thought or detail and repent. We can talk more if you want!!! I know you are suffering. I am here for you!!

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 3h

It sounds like the OCD is giving you disturbing images. And you then are creating your own images in order to "neutralize" the initial disturbing images. (But the ones that you create morph into scary images themselves.) Is that right? This is classic OCD. And there is a way to treat this!!! -------------------------- First, let's start by defining terms. The initial disturbing images you get are called the "obsessions." Everyone with OCD gets obsessions (which are disturbing or taboo thoughts or images). ----------------------------------- Any action that we take to neutralize the obsessions are defined as "compulsions." Therefore, all the images that you create in order to protect yourself are actually just compulsions. I used to do that too. I used to feel like I had to say the word "not" after every scary obsession in my head. I felt like doing that would neutralize or cancel the scary thought. (Later on, I learned to stop doing that and just let the thoughts run freely, no matter how scary they were.) -------------------------------- Now that we have defined what is happening, let's talk about treatment. In ERP therapy, you will learn to let the images "run" freely through your head. Don't try to stop them. Don't try to neutralize them. Every time you do that, that is just a compulsion. The compulsion might bring temporary relief, but it is only feeding the OCD cycle and making the OCD bigger. Let me know if you want me to send you more information about this. I don't know if you have been in therapy? Are you already familiar with these things? -------------------------

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