Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
chinariderchinarider
- Date posted
- 5y
The trick for me is to not react at all. Some people say when you get an intrusive thought to label it as ocd and return to the present moment. For me though labeling it as ocd became a form of a reassurance compulsion. The only thing that works for me is to stop worrying about what works. I know that sounds very confusing but when I get an intrusive thought I try to just acknowledge it. Nothing more nothing less. I don’t tell myself anything about it. I just allow myself to see it and continue doing what I was doing. If it persists I don’t push it away I just continue returning to present moment rather than push it away. After a while I’ve forgotten that it was even there. The final step though is when I remember that I was even having an intrusive thought I don’t look back on it to check if it still bothers me now. That is another compulsion which only repeats the cycle. I hope this makes sense. It took quite a while for me to wrap my brain around. Again I highly recommend all of John Hershfields books
faith_v_efaith_v_e
- Date posted
- 5y
Can you explain? Maybe someone can relate
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
I have pedophilia themed OCD and I have the worst compulsions. When my POCD started one of my compulsions was to literally masturbate thinking about the grosest shit to see if I can achieve orgasm. For a while it was nothing but torturous back-and-forths to the bathroom, but I was never aroused. Until one day I had 2 orgasms twice in a row while doing it. I was traumatized and still am. I told my therapist whos an OCD specialist and she said that yes those were compulsions and yes those orgasms were just my bodys stress responses. I have never done that shit again and I don't want to. But other compulsions have included picturing disgusting sexual scenarios to check for arousal, literally eye-balling random kids I see on the street or on the internet, obsessively checking if some random person I saw on the internet is a legal adult or not by stalking their social medias. I feel incredibly sick. All of this shit has incriminated me beyond belief. This is why I feel like I'll never be one of those people on this app that says "Oh yeah I had POCD but now I dont". This has destroyed me and every time I do one of these things I regret it immediately and I feel so gross and creepy and disgusting and it makes me want to not be alive so bad. Like don't report me for saying that but it's genuinely how I feel. IT FUCKING HURTS. I DONT WANNA DO THESE THINGS ANYMORE I DONT KNOW WHY I KEEP DOING THESE THINGS WHEN I'M SO BOTHERED BY THEM.
faith_v_efaith_v_e
- Date posted
- 5y
@Vimli Honestly your compulsions seem very normal for someone dealing with POCD. I think that your experience mirrors a lot of other people with the same situation. Yes it absolutely sucks but you are not alone, you are not somehow “more disgusting” or “worse” than anyone else in the same situation.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@faith_v_e But imagine if someone whos not an OCD sufferer saw that shit. How do you think I feel when I turn around to stare at a bunch of kids to make sure I'm not attracted to them. I LOOK AND FEEL DISGUSTING.
faith_v_efaith_v_e
- Date posted
- 5y
@Vimli I had a similar experience, and I am sure many other people have as well. You are not disgusting. You are quite the opposite, you have a fear of being disgusting which is very different
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@faith_v_e it hurts so much. It literally makes me want to cry. It's bad enough that my OCD wants to make me believe I'm a pedophile but it's even worse when it's literally giving other people evidence to paint me as one.
faith_v_efaith_v_e
- Date posted
- 5y
@Vimli I mean that’s reassurance seeking ya know? Like I have definitely called those close to me giving them all this evidence just so that I could hear what they would think. It’s all part of the OCD. But you are not disgusting. You have OCD, I know it feels like so much more than that, but that’s it. Keep working with your therapist. And be gentle with yourself in this tough time. But that’s all it is— a tough time. It’s not forever
chinariderchinarider
- Date posted
- 5y
I have this same theme as well. I highly recommend the book everyday mindfulness for ocd by John Hershfield. It has helped a lot. For me the biggest key is accepting the fact that I have ocd and that this is how my brain works. I’m not normal and will not ever be normal but that’s ok. Once that has been accepted I feel the suffering reduce drastically. The key is though not to think like this in an attempt to reduce the suffering but rather just to accept it being there. Once you do it no longer feels threatening which removes the suffering. It’s hard work but it is so worth it. Don’t give up. Life is always worth living, even if it is more difficult for us than those without ocd
faith_v_efaith_v_e
- Date posted
- 5y
Question, once you react differently to the thoughts in this way do you find that they occur less frequently?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
I have that book
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