dee012
- Date posted
- 13h
Last post help
I am really struggling right now and I am hoping someone can answer my last post. It is about consent. I am worried I am a criminal or a really bad person.
noone9noone9
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 13h
Reality is, no answer any of us give you will satisfy. This is OCD. Allow it, sit with it, don't react or respond to it ...it'll pass
dee012dee012
- Date posted
- 13h
@noone9 You are right
wowzabotwowzabot
- Date posted
- 13h
I viewed your last post and I will try my best to respond and give some help. I have had similar OCD flare ups not exactly the same but this feeling of being a “criminal” or a “terrible person” … of course consent is a huge piece to a relationship and very important. In your scenario it seems like there was just difficulty with communication. I of course wasn’t there so I am not sure how everything planned out. As someone with sexual anxiety I can relate to your previous sexual partner of sorts and having difficulty being truthful in those moments. I say yes when I’m not feeling or go with it but those people had no idea or would have had no idea it can be really hard to hear someone did something w you you weren’t feeling but you feel that way BECAUSE you are a good person that values consent friend. It wasn’t coercion you did not threaten or press your partner to participate after they expressed discomfort you even asked before hand before doing it if they agree there was no way for you to know they were uncomfortable. I say from now on I agree with the other poster make sure you get enthusiastic yes instead of just yes or even express that concern “hey, before we do this I really want to make sure you are comfortable. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to I care about your consent” you can even reassure you would never be upset. It seems your mind is attacking you. You aren’t a criminal you care just protect yourself and mind to prevent another OCD spiral in the future. I really hope this helps.
wowzabotwowzabot
- Date posted
- 13h
@wowzabot The other commenter is very true as well at the end of the day your OCD is trying to convince you you did something bad reassurance will not work permanently you have to ignore and accept the thoughts as intrusive and move on 🩷 are you in therapy already friend?
wowzabotwowzabot
- Date posted
- 13h
@wowzabot Sorry last reply trying not to blow you up but here’s a mantra I say when I get overwhelmed and panicked with thoughts “This is an intrusive thought. This is not who I am. I am safe. I did nothing wrong. My brain is scared, not dangerous. This feeling will pass. I am allowed to get help.”
dee012dee012
- Date posted
- 13h
@wowzabot I agree with your comment a lot. We would playfully resist each other or be nervous to try new things, but always ended up doing them, so I just thought he was nervous, but still willing to go through with it. I did check in with him, but sometimes I worry me consistently check in because of my anxiety might unintentionally pressure the other person. When Me and him were in contact, He did tell me that I didn’t force him to do it because he wanted to do it. He just felt a bit pressured to keep going because he knew I wanted to do it. I guess going forward now I’m going to set my own boundaries about consent, and if that makes me boring to other people then so be it. I would much rather get an enthusiastic yes rather than a yes I would have to figure out later. Thank you again for your support. It’s hard to deal with stuff like this because my mind is very black and white, sort of like I’m a criminal or I’m not.
wowzabotwowzabot
- Date posted
- 12h
@dee012 I get it I deal with it I can understand both perspectives in this scenario completely. Glad that helped!
dee012dee012
- Date posted
- 12h
@wowzabot Sorry for my long responses
wowzabotwowzabot
- Date posted
- 12h
@dee012 You’re good no need to apologize
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond