Needing a place to get it all out

I need to rant to people who might actually understand. I am really freaking out. My boyfriend and I are long distance, and have been for most of our 1 1/2 year relationship. Every visit we’ve had so far I’ve felt has reassured me and made me feel more connected to him… except this last one. I gelt disconnected from him the whole trip, felt like he was distant or frustrated or something 90% of the time, and anytime we talked about it he got frustrated because he didn’t know what I was talking about, which ended up reenforcing my fear that he was frustrated with me. It was a very bad emotional trip for me, although he has told me he disagrees, and I am terrified for what it means for the future of our relationship. I was hoping to be able to have a normal conversation with him tonight on our nightly phone call and maybe push some of those feelings aside but something has come up to where he can’t call me at all and he’s in a bad mood. I know *logically* I’ve done nothing wrong and he is frustrated by something happening in his own life but I am CONVINCED I did something to upset him and I am trying really hard to not pester him with “are you sure you aren’t mad at ME” texts for fear of upsetting him more, and causing more of a rift that may or may not be there. Any time I try and talk to someone in my life about this cycle they tell me to talk to him but I think that’s the issue, he doesn’t understand anxiety or OCD and talking to him doesn’t ever seem to do anything good. It either makes him feel bad or me feel worse. At this point I think my only option is to cry and panic alone because at least it’s not a compulsion or affecting someone else’s life