A wake up call I guess. 20+ only

Adults only I'm 24 and it feels like I've sort of wasted some of my 20s. I feel that I've spent so much of my 20s not doing the things I've wanted to do career and future wise and just spent it doing short term things. There are things that I've done that has helped me but there are several things that I recall that have not helped me but I've wasted so much time on. A big part of that is adult content. I've wasted so many days, afternoons, evenings, and nights taking part in it and I feel that's a big reason as to why my OCD is so persistent with me. Instead of working and getting myself out there I've kind of just been cooped up in my comfort zone and not really giving myself that extra push. It's no wonder I feel behind my peers. I feel it's because I actually am. While I don't know the full story, I've noticed things others have done that I haven't done yet and felt I should have already done like being used to waking up early for work, dating, cooking, etc. I'll be honest, I always felt I was a late bloomer for sure. I don't think that's a bad thing per say. I guess I just have to be nicer about how I view this. It's good that I finally have this moment that I feel I could be doing better for myself than I have been. Better late than never.

Anxious Chao

Date posted: 11h

I’m the same age as you and I can honestly say that I’ve also wasted them to a certain degree by trying to figure out my ocd thoughts for years. I was also stuck in survival mode trying to take different routes, paths, locations away from my stalkers and it is still hard. I still can’t drive and don’t have employment yet due to the paranoia. But I’m moving soon and I hope the new year might be different this time, maybe it won’t be either but atleast we can try to make a difference.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 11h

You should be more compassionate, patient, and kind to yourself. None of this stuff is your fault. Not at all. You don't deserve to have OCD or to be stalked and treated the way you were by those people. Congrats to you moving! Please don't blame yourself for the actions of others. That's never your fault, and you didn't waste any years from that. I know it's something I've told myself, but we can still recover from these things and move forward. I've been having moments where I say to myself "Damn.. I actually spent so much time doing THIS in life" and it leaves me appalled but also ready to enforce more helpful behaviors that do more harm than good. You're doing the best you can about everything that's going on. You reported those people that have hurt you, which is good! You're moving, trying to work through your struggles with OCD and your paranoia. These things take time. We shouldn't compare ourselves to others because that is the exact stigma that takes the joy out of life. I hope this helps you. :) Please remember that what happened to you is NOT your fault and you are NOT responsible for how those people treated you.

j vv

Date posted: 7h

@Anxious Chao Hi Anxious Chao 👋 sorry to hear it has been a rough few years. Have you by chance been diagnosed with PPD (paranoid personality disorder) in addition to OCD? Just wondering because as I was reading your comment here I noticed a lot of similarities 🤔😂 I used to have a huge problem going outside without hyper vigilance, driving my car without feeling “followed”, and even opening my blinds at home. It was very rough to constantly be in that heightened state and never feeling safe. My heart goes out to you 🫂

Anxious Chao

Date posted: 6h

@j vv Hey j vv! I haven’t been diagnosed with PPD yet but it is a possibility as I have schizoid traits and if you have one cluster A personality disorder, you will usually meet the criteria for another. My paranoia was a result of ptsd and trauma, so when I encounter new people I feel like they’re already planning to harm me or ruin my life. This was a manifestation of what happened in my early hs. I’ve been followed home as well. So I’m extremely hyper vigilant and kind of stuck in survival mode until I move out, and I’m afraid that won’t be guaranteed if they find my new location etc. I use to do the same! I would check outside my window for stalkers or police cars coming for me and would assume that I was going to get arrested that day. I even get the instagram notifs saying “we’ve made it easier to get back on ig” after I left years ago and feel like people are trying to hack into my dead account. I’m still paranoid sometimes, but they put me on antipsychotics so I’m hoping it works as none of the other treatments have helped me at all. 😭😭😭

j vv

Date posted: 3h

@Anxious Chao Wow! I’m sorry you’ve been through all of that. Having stalkers and genuine threats follow you home must have been so terrifying and understandably would make anyone afraid to be home or outside. I also exhibit a lot of signs of trauma (possibly PTSD). It definitely flares together with OCD symptoms. Treating the paranoia as exposures helped me a lot when I first started therapy. Gradually opening my blinds over the course of a few days, then sitting with them wide open at night. Driving without turning my phone away from the back window (I was afraid someone could follow me if they could see my Maps app open with my destination). Going outside and not engaging in checking behaviors (looking to see if I am being followed or watched, etc.) It was a lot of work and deeply frightening, but the more I pushed myself the more free I would feel. I’m glad I had my therapist to guide me through it. It might not be the case with you, but I figured I would share that. I’m hoping you find peace soon. In the oddest way, I’m glad we could bump into each other here in this thread! 💜

j vv

Date posted: Yesterday

Better late than never is a great take. In therapy I’ve had similar nagging fears. They go alongside Time Urgency OCD for me: feeling like I’m not doing enough while running out of time. It led to a lot of compulsive “racing” through life, and while I accomplished a lot, I completely forgot how to appreciate my life as it was happening. So many people accomplish things well into their 40’s, 50’s, and beyond. It is a silly cultural stigma that actively discourages growth, and the curiosity and exploration that you need to foster it. Don’t let OCD stoke the fear! Get out there, there’s life to live! You are a few solid habits away from making great changes.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 18h

Those stigmas and unhelpful perspectives of society don't help but when I get the same nagging thoughts over and over again it makes them seem very believable. I think the only thing that's really gonna help me here is ERP and I've had been wanting to get that started with a therapist. I'm just glad I do finally realize that I could be spending my time with more productive, healthier things rather than what I have been doing in the past. I think to myself that I should have been seen this long ago, and while I did, it's not like how much I see that now.

j vv

Date posted: 18h

@BigGyro09 It is a great realization. Sometimes it takes a while to hit rock bottom or have a wake up call, but that is the flow of life. In therapy, I learned I don’t have a time machine. Regardless of what could have happened in the past or what can happen in the future, I will only ever have access to *here and now*, and I will *always be me*. This helped cut down a lot of the OCD over-thinking that wasn’t helpful. I had to learn to accept who I am in the present—flaws and all—because it’s who I’ve got to work with! I’ve been there for myself every step of the way, and it is gonna stay that way. Might as well enjoy it and chase what brings you joy!

BigGyro09

Date posted: 17h

@j vv That's the thing about it: I've hit rock bottom with these unhelpful coping mechanisms and have went back to it. I guess then I just felt I was undeserving of what I wanted to get in life, but at the same time, constantly living like that just was not helping me. I'm still practicing how to fully enjoy my time despite the thoughts and past actions that linger in my head. It's hard, but I'm often told with ERP is doable and it works like magic. I'm not saying I don't believe it but to me it's similar to telling myself things that I know I don't believe. But I guess the point of that is to keep doing so until you do believe it.

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