I do. You’re experiencing something tons of people do. You’re assigning meaning to existence because you’re so attached to it. This should provide some reassurance in an of itself - that despite being confused and overwhelmed, you’re diving nose-first into life’s biggest questions and postulations. Some people will tell you that you’re not supposed to know, you’ll never know, so don’t try. Don’t listen to those people. Good for them they can accept it, but there’s a huge hypocrisy to their argument. Socrates, father of all western philosophy had the adage, “The only thing I know is that I know nothing” permanently stapled to foundations of his outlook and truth seeking. Then we have people who say “The only thing I know is that I’m supposed to know nothing.” Awful presumptuous, if you ask me.
But to get to the core of your issue, I want to point you in some directions. If you’re looking for something more serious, personal and life-affirming, then I might suggest researching Victor Frankl and, more specifically, his book Man’s Search for Meaning.
If you’re looking for a mindset. A new foundation with which to approach meaning in an indifferent universe, I suggest Albert Camus’ essay, The Myth of Sisyphus. This will teach you about absurdism and the power of living despite meaning, and even creating your own out of spite, health, self love or whatever.
But before this, analyze meaning. What really is it? If it has been found by people before, then surely it must exist in some way, right? You don’t have to find it to know it’s still there. You don’t even need to be capable of finding it. It exists because human beings CREATED meaning, it wasn’t given to us. We emerged from the primordial soup, conquered our world, wish to conquer the stars, and all the while asking why. People have found their answers and they can look different. Meaning is not an objective force and individuality is too powerful. There is nothing stopping you from saying, “This has meaning because I say so. And my word means something because I’m a part of this amazing species that can not only articulate, but ruminate.
Good luck. Do not feel like you’re broken for feeling this way.
