- Username
- hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I know! Maybe start a sport or focus on doing volunteer! Many things can help if we let it! Start meditation! This things are way cheaper than doctors and sometimes have the same impact!
I like Chrissie Hodges. Shes kinda crazy, talks a lot, has a chaotic energy that is similar to mine. Admits her imperfections, rambles, laughs at her own jokes. A lot of this OCD business is serious, bleak and punitive. Fun to check in with people who are squishy and funny.
Yeah she cheers me up and gives me some hope.
Thing that happens to me when OCD kicks off is I get very serious and quiet. Usually I'm pretty wacky and loud, make stupid decisions, act eccentric etc. But OCD kicks off and yeah I shut down and get veeeeery perfectionistic and serious. Like, somber. Like the end of the world is coming. Anything that can snap me out of that, usually doing quick exposures, chatting to friends, listening to someone ramble on like chrissie. People always used to tell me I intellectualise too much, think too much. Its true!!!! Love it when that noodle soup evaporates
Yeah same, it’s telling me I’ll like it when I accept it.
I have the same! Start therapy! People like us need to learn how to distinguish reality from sensations! Alone we're not able! Stop searching on the internet it only made me worse!
That’s exactly what I struggle with what thoughts are real and not.
Scared to waste money on therapy in case it doesn’t work
I'm in therapy, but my therapist isn't good and I can't afford anyone else at the moment. I'm looking for work, no luck yet.
@hateocd123 I’m also looking for work but I was focusing on getting better first but then I need money so
@JS0406 I feel you! And that's hard! But you need to stop thinking if it's real or not! @JSO406 if you have the money go for it! I believe we can all cure! After all we've been OCD almost since we were born! I had so many ocds that I lost the count! But none of them stayed forever! Because OCD is like this!
@Mimi123 I can say that I've been through a bunch of other themes before as well, but none of them have affected me as badly as this one, mostly because now there's another person involved, my boyfriend.
@Mimi123 I didn’t think about ocd before this I just thought I was overthinking but I don’t know if this counts as ocd but i had a fear of my parents dying and would look at life expectancy charts everyday, every time we passed a junction on the road I would hold on to the side of the car because I thought if I didn’t the car would crash into the side of our car, checking my body for lumps everyday and looking up health symptoms does that sound like ocd I didn’t think anything of it at the time ?
Can’t even focus on looking for jobs
There are a lot of YouTube channels that are helpful. Try find an accountability partner for a few weeks. Set some goals and stick to them. You can probably find a skype specialist somewhere in the world who isnt that much money. Get any job you can find that pays reasonable money. The structure it brings you will also provide relief from the abyss, then you can invest in mental health support. At the very least, listen to podcasts and Q+As, e.g. Mark Freeman / Ali Greymond. Listen to the OCD Stories interviews. Get informed. Start using what you learn to support people on here. Until you complete a course of exposure therapy with an experienced OCD therapist you will probably be quite limited by compulsions, but theres loads you can do while getting to that point. Remember that procrastination is also a compulsion, as is judging stuff, as is excessive phone use. They all feed into the big scary ones.
Yeah I watch Chrissie Hodges.
What do I do in the meantime? I feel like I'm dying
Yeah same I’m going mental
Yeah watched that video yestrerday
I can’t anymore. I really can’t. The what if I am attracted to them. The “why does it have to be a man with a woman” (which by the way- I only now get when women are talking in love songs. And whenever I look at any couple). I am just tired. Tired of feelings like crap. I just want to go to what I was before, but was I like this before? Have I always been like this? I am tired. My anxiety levels are ALWAYS the worse at the morning. I am starting to obsess whether I like this friend now! And it doesn’t matter how much I try to accept it, it doesn’t go away. Like there is still something wrong. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. At this point. How can I still be straight? I literally get triggered by everything. And how can I just not be gay? I have no reason to think that but it feels so real. It’s like I have no sexuality at all. And this is all that I can think about every single hour of my day. I am even thinking about this in dreams! I even wonder that the fact I am so upset right now is because I am scared of telling people and that they won’t accept me. When I don’t even know who I am myself. I am so done. What even is this? Have I always been like this? I am getting flashbacks and it’s telling me I have.
Thinking about relationships makes me feel so bad. At this point both men and women trigger this obsession with trying to figure out what my sexuality is. I don’t really want to date anyone, I’ve been okay with this for over a year, and it’s not like I’ve been completely detached from the lgtbqia community. Like, I know lesbians and other wlw and for a long time I thought I was like bi (I think I’m honestly more aro than I realized), and I haven’t thought much, but ever since I realized I don’t want to share my future with anyone it’s like my brain is screeeeaming that this just means I’m a lesbian, when that’s never been a thought that crossed my mind. It’s definitely been better for me lately when I started cutting out compulsions and all that, but I’m still undiagnosed and I don’t know for sure what exactly is happening to me. If I was a lesbian I’d accept myself, but it’s the fact that it feels SO BAD when I think about it that makes me feel like I need to figure it out even more. Like is it anxiety because I don’t like it or anxiety because it’s like internalized homophobia? And it’s like omg I need to figure it out otherwise I’m just living a lie and I won’t ever be happy. I’ll get flashes of anxiety when I’m just watching a movie or a YouTube video about a boy band I like... and it throws things from the lesbian masterdoc in my face about how I had crushes on fictional characters and celebrities and how that’s something that lesbians do because it’s ‘safer’ to crush on unobtainable men. And it just feels bad bc I know I’ve had crushes on guys that were my friends too but I also have a lot of trauma and I wasn’t allowed to date growing up so that’s what I did to actually explore romance. When the anxiety spikes it makes me feel as if it was all a sign. What’s worse is that I started looking to aromanticism before I read the doc and there’s this bit about how some lesbians think they’re aro bc they don’t like men but never explore their attraction to women either and it’s like ahhhh what’s the truth. I don’t know anymore. Not thinking about it makes me antsy, & the second my anxiety spikes it’s hard to do anything during the rest of the day. I don’t want to think about falling in love and having relationships, I miss when I was just living life in the moment. I miss not thinking twice about when I found a guy attractive, or even a girl. Like it just makes my brain hurt so bad.
Hi guys, Straight female here. Having a tough night. I guess I'm ruminating on how this OCD started, I was browsing an app and came across half naked anime girls and I guess sexual images in general arouse me (I'm not sure why), but then I froze and told myself "oh my God, I must be a lesbian and I can't be with my boyfriend anymore." Ever since then, I've been checking and checking and checking some more. I've managed to not research anything (which I'm proud of), but it's just so unbearable, I'm worried I'm somehow in denial or something because the thoughts at first didn't really give me much anxiety but now I'm very stressed out. I keep thinking about my past and if I was a normal "straight" person, and wondering if I'm somehow actually a lesbian. I keep having awful dreams about it. Ironically, I can still be intimate with my boyfriend and somewhat enjoy sex but other times not so much and my brain tells me I am lying to myself. I keep trying to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual. I can't even fall asleep tonight. I checked my stress levels on my health app and its through the roof. I just want to feel like I used to and be confident about my identity, but my brain tells me that I only enjoyed sex with my boyfriend back then because it was new and exciting and just a fling. Before all this, I was only ever attracted to men and only had male crushes. Now, I find it hard to even understand what's going on and I find more comfort in wondering if I'm just asexual so that I don't have to deal with it. I'm physically shaking writing about this because I feel so hopeless. Just a few hours ago, I thought I had a breakthrough and I was feeling alright. I accepted the thoughts as they were and I was going along with it. But now it's triggered again because I'm not sure if they're intrusive thoughts or me being in denial, because I keep having to reassure myself that I'm not homosexual and that I'm attracted to men. The guilt of how it all started is keeping me from moving on because it is somehow proof that I am not straight. This is awful. It feels good to write it out. Thanks for reading.
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