I'm now obsessed with the idea that I'm somehow repressing my true sexuality and that I have to "accept it", but the acceptance part isn't real acceptance it's digging and prying at my brain and trying to find proof that I'm a lesbian, when I know in reality that I'm not. My brain literally feel like it's going on a witch hunt and destroying everything in it's path. What do I do? I wish I had a better way to put this into words, but I'm really bad at that.

I know! Maybe start a sport or focus on doing volunteer! Many things can help if we let it! Start meditation! This things are way cheaper than doctors and sometimes have the same impact!

I like Chrissie Hodges. Shes kinda crazy, talks a lot, has a chaotic energy that is similar to mine. Admits her imperfections, rambles, laughs at her own jokes. A lot of this OCD business is serious, bleak and punitive. Fun to check in with people who are squishy and funny.

Thing that happens to me when OCD kicks off is I get very serious and quiet. Usually I'm pretty wacky and loud, make stupid decisions, act eccentric etc. But OCD kicks off and yeah I shut down and get veeeeery perfectionistic and serious. Like, somber. Like the end of the world is coming. Anything that can snap me out of that, usually doing quick exposures, chatting to friends, listening to someone ramble on like chrissie. People always used to tell me I intellectualise too much, think too much. Its true!!!! Love it when that noodle soup evaporates

Yeah same, it’s telling me I’ll like it when I accept it.

I have the same! Start therapy! People like us need to learn how to distinguish reality from sensations! Alone we're not able! Stop searching on the internet it only made me worse!

Can’t even focus on looking for jobs

There are a lot of YouTube channels that are helpful. Try find an accountability partner for a few weeks. Set some goals and stick to them. You can probably find a skype specialist somewhere in the world who isnt that much money. Get any job you can find that pays reasonable money. The structure it brings you will also provide relief from the abyss, then you can invest in mental health support. At the very least, listen to podcasts and Q+As, e.g. Mark Freeman / Ali Greymond. Listen to the OCD Stories interviews. Get informed. Start using what you learn to support people on here. Until you complete a course of exposure therapy with an experienced OCD therapist you will probably be quite limited by compulsions, but theres loads you can do while getting to that point. Remember that procrastination is also a compulsion, as is judging stuff, as is excessive phone use. They all feed into the big scary ones.

What do I do in the meantime? I feel like I'm dying

https://youtu.be/l4s5CYtla0s