Diagnosed as a child. ROCD now?

As the title says, I was diagnosed with OCD in the 4th grade by a child psychologist. My classmates and I were learning cursive at the time. If I didn't think my writing was perfect, I'd erase and rewrite the words until there were holes in my paper. My hair had to be in a perfect slicked-back pony tail. I'd get so distressed over it that I'd miss the school bus. If I went around a chair 5 times, I'd have to go around it the other way 5 times. Losing count was so stressful. My parents had to tuck me in perfectly at night and if they didn't, I'd make them leave the room and start over. Stuff like that. I was prescribed some medication (perhaps an SSRI), did some exposure therapy, and it "went away".. for awhile. It manifested into disordered eating/obsessive exercising in middle school and high school. I started getting panic attacks around 16 or 17, while in a relationship with my first "real love". I put myself back into therapy in college and have gone on and off since. Although expensive, I have benefitted greatly from it. I am looking forward to a long overdue appointment, after my therapist was out on medical leave. As a now 37-year-old, romantic relationships are what I struggle with the most and seem to give me the most distress. Yet I keep seeking them out because I hate feeling lonely. My current partner is really.. truly.. great, but I can't stop obsessing over him and our relationship. I often doubt whether he's actually attracted to me (he has some ED symptoms we are working through together). We have conflicting work schedules, so sometimes communicating about plans can trigger my anxiety. I guess I'm here because I'm seeking community. I feel out of control and like I'm losing touch of reality. Im finding it very hard to calm my nerves, or stop my crying fits. I'm using alcohol to cope and it feels shameful. I don't want to scare my boyfriend with my mental health woes, as his last partner of 10 years took her own life. He deals with depression himself and uses alcohol pretty frequently. I hope joining this community can help me regain my stability and strengthen our relationship. Because I really do love and care for him.