In school, pt 2 of last post + rant

Okay first of all, I read all of the responses from last post for when it came to advice for school mental stress since OCD flares up extremely horribly there and my stress spikes up by 1000x Most advice was to see a guidance counselor and ask for accommodations and to just have breaks there as well. As much as I thank you guys LOTS really for taking your time to mention that, I did mention that going for that specific option wouldn't work due to the fact that there has been a time where I have been called in to the counselors due to a survey I had to take for mental health- they did mention a plan but it'd involve with calling my parents and putting down tons of info and I was just not wanting that, I felt quite overwhelmed and I don't want to do anything of that sorts, not until college. I'm also not officially diagnosed on anything despite therapists and doctors mentioning high concerns for OCD, anxiety and stuff like. My old schooled parents don't think anythings wrong with me and after decades of experiecing this disorder I've learned to mask really well so no one thinks I'm at high concern even when I try to express that I'm going through it, except my older sibling really and other close people. I also have mentioned to my teachers that I'm not good with talking to others whenever they give students the option to tell their dos and don't but it ends up not changing anything. I can't do anything too drastic since that'd just overwhelm me more, that's why I save it for college since by then I could hopefully be diagnosed or at least on the path to diagnoses and since I'm leaving High-school in a year and a half anyways. Lastly, many things I can't change some aspects of the stress at all such as going to the bus- it's awfully crowded in the mornings and there's been many times where I have humiliated myself since I had to look for a spot and if there wasn't any the driver has yelled for people to make space and I'd had to cram in, it's extremely stressful and I've expressed it to my family but they can't do anything about it due to work but I also can't just not go. Same with changing classes, it then leads to more change and I don't like that and overall it's just a process. --- RANT PART: Okay now to still rant, I do hate this BADLY. As I said above the bus made me stress out really bad this morning and I felt sick, it wasn't as crowded today though so thank goodness but it may be in the future . I obviously have been masking pretty good throughout this day, I've made my friend laugh and had some good conversations and I've been pretty decent with not crying silently or fully going nuts in my head. But my ENGLISH CLASS. OH MY GOODNESS, LET ME TELL YOU GUYS I GENUINELY ALMOST started full on smashing my desk (not really but figuratively) I was so overstimulated. Basically the teacher went over rules yadda yadda, and I'd estimate we had to do 10 different partner and group activities throughout the ENTIRE class and along with a physical activity outside the class and made us do it infront of all of our other classmates- and with my slow self I just awkwardly did it and ended up messing up one of the rules which was embarrassing. And this is how it'll be EVERY SINGLE DAY I HAVE THAT CLASS . She made us last sem read and every chapter go outside the class for a "Walk and Talk" and talk to a classmate about something either personal or about the book. She makes us greet our partner by their name and high-five them when we leave, along with follow up questions I HATE IT ! And she calls us out whenever we don't do it so it pressures me and ugh no no I can't do it. But I have to so I just start hyping myself up in my head whenever the class starts. Rest of my classes are decently okay. Tomorrow I have weight training PE and have to make a group of 4 each time and that's really stressful. Hopefully my new friend from last sem PE is there so I can have someone to be in a group with, but if not I'm over. That's all I have to say for now, wish me luck guys I still have 3 hours left ! 😔 Thankfully I'm in study hall right now so that's like a break for me and I can calm myself down. Intrusive thoughts and OCD is still biting me but that's how it is. (I have listened to your guy's other advice though :^) drawing right now since it's break.)