Am I in denial, or do I have SOOCD?

I’m really glad you shared this. We have all sort of thoughts that come out of nowhere. What you’re describing is emotionally intense and exhausting, especially when it targets something so personal like identity and future dreams. Many people with anxiety or OCD experience this exact pattern, a sudden doubt, fear, and the urgent need to figure it out right now. That doesn’t mean the fear is pointing to truth; it means your brain has locked onto uncertainty and is sounding a false alarm. One way to understand what’s happening is through the OCD Trap: The OCD Trap T — Thought (Intrusive Thought) A sudden question appears: “What if I’m in denial?” It feels urgent, serious, and identity-defining. R — Response (OCD Response) You engage—checking or replaying thoughts, analyzing , scanning your feelings for certainty. A — Assurance (False Assurance-Seeking) You try to reassure yourself by repeating “I’m straight,” testing scenarios, watching videos, or mentally reviewing your past. P — Peace (That Never Comes) Relief is brief or replaced by a new doubt (“What if these thoughts means something?”), and the cycle continues. Trust me these are just OCD type of thoughts . How to step out of the trap Because OCD is maintained by engagement, the goal isn’t to prove what your orientation is or isn’t. The skill is to interrupt the cycle by changing your response to the doubt. S.T.O.P. S — See it for what it is: anxiety/OCD-style doubt T — Tolerate the uncertainty without resolving it O — Observe the urge to challenge or analyze the thought. P — Proceed with your life anyway Key insight: The thought is not the problem. The response is the problem. Peace doesn’t come from figuring it out—it comes from disengaging. And one last tool to keep in mind when fear feels convincing: F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing Real The moment you realize these are false beliefs—not urgent truths to solve—is the beginning of healing.

And also remember, anxiety/ ocd will attach itself to what we care about the most. So for someone who’s always pictured themselves in a heterosexual relationship, and fantasized about it and put a lot of importance on it. Of course your brains gonna freak out when you have that one thought of noticing and attractive women( which is totally normal). But that’s classic ocd/ anxiety. Assigning fear and worry to otherwise very normal thoughts. And then the spiral starts of those thoughts getting louder and having more of an emotional punch! But just remember you’re in control, not ocd. You can’t control your thoughts, let them come and go but you can control your thinking!( what you give your attention and focus to)

I’m by no means an expert on the topic. But def sounds like ocd to me, it wants 100% certanty and you can’t give it, but the good news is neuroplasticity is real and you can’t teach your brain those thoughts don’t matter, and break the current fear loop your stuck in! Just remember you always have a choice, if you don’t want to be attracted to girls, then don’t be! (I know how this sounds) but remember we always have a choice. Those are just thoughts, everyone has them. Your reaction of fear made that thought important in your brain and created a fear loop which has brought on the rumination and thought spirals your experiencing! So to break this loop, everytime a thought pops up regarding it, or you notice yourself ruminating, or focusing on something you don’t like, gently acknowledge it…. And refocus on the present, let the discomfort be in the background and continue on with your day whatever you’re doing. If you keep treating it like a problem your brain will see it as such and continue to bring up those thoughts/ worries/ rumination. So the key is to make it as least important as possible. We control our realities! Thoughts are just thoughts nothing more nothing less and do not define us. Our actions do! We always have a choice. You got this!

If you like boys, then you like boys. If you like girls, then you like girls. It does not matter how desperately you want to like boys or what you have a boyfriend.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I’ll do my best to stop thinking about it but it’s really hard. Every time I see a girl I always get “triggered” and since I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD before, the worry that I’m actually lying to myself is very high. I’ve imagined scenarios with girls and what scares me is that I’ve felt no particular feeling against it, but I don’t know if that’s what the OCD community calls a “back door spike” or not. But really, thank you everyone for your help, and I will keep trying my best.