Worst flareup of 2026 (so far?)

I relapsed badly. Yesterday I spent 9 hours until 6am deleting messages ranging from 8 years old from old DMs with friends. It was so intense and triggering as I read each and every old message and it felt like I was looking at a different person. I truly hated what I saw, and I know that some of them clipped out of context could look bad. I was close to vomiting I was so anxious and paranoid and even now I feel as if a bomb has gone off inside my body. I feel weak and vulnerable and it makes me feel like no matter how much progress I make, I'll always be stuck ruminating about my past. I am so upset with myself

Yoshime

Date posted: 22h

-hugs- I know you are hurting. Thank you for sharing.

Generiname

Date posted: 21h

I just want one day where I'm not scared. I want to live as the person I am now and not who I was. I'm so upset by this

Yoshime

Date posted: 21h

@Generiname Give yourself some grace. I understand those feelings but at the same time, the human experience is intense in all directions. Just breathe and dive into a hobby or interest! When my mind feels loose I watch a movie and start reading the book it’s based on to compare and contrast. My brain enjoys the work and its inconsequential. Just something I enjoy

coldcoldshiver

Date posted: 21h

im so sorry :( ive done the same. Stay strong okay? This happens to all of us and its heartbreaking. You can move past this ❤️❤️

Generiname

Date posted: 21h

It makes me even more paranoid because I'm not someone who can hide away online. I have a presence and people have attacked me in the past. Knowing that people can drag up old stuff about people, it makes me think I'm next. Each and every day is waiting for this to happen and I want to be sick

VVbee

Date posted: 21h

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry . I've been there a few months ago, it was the most TORTUROUS ever- I felt like my life was over . I know you can't just distract yourself out of those fears, when you're so scared and sick it's almost as it feels impossible to escape I get that . I haven't been on any social media that have old accounts because I know that if I find the messages I will never stop reading and go into a spiral . I'd suggest you don't go on any social media that have the old accounts either so you won't do the mistake of spirling into the old chats- But seriously do NOT do any more compulsions, the more I did I would just dig deeper and deeper into my mind and I wouldn't do anything throughout the days besides trying to figure out whether I'm doomed or not . Whether people will expose me, I still get scared to this day but with the uncertainty I at least have more of the feeling to just say "I can't remember if this happened or not... oh well" and move on with what's present . Other than that just try and attempt to do anything hobbies that you like or distract yourself with anything, if OCD wants to call you a monster tell it to get lost . I know this is hard but I believe you can do it <:^(💜

Generiname

Date posted: 19h

It's nice to know I'm not alone. I've cut down my social media usage drastically and I'm planning on deleting my chatting apps soon too, with a small account just for friends. I got intensely paranoid over images someone sent me to either troll me or get a reaction out of me. I states at the time that they made me uncomfortable, even in a joking manner, but it spikes my OCD badly knowing they're just saved in my media tab now. I can't even get rid of them if I wanted to, and this person is a deleted account too. It's just very tiring. I don't want to get in trouble over someone else's actions, especially a friend.

MEO18

Date posted: 20h

Hey, you’re not alone. I’m also experiencing an extremely intense relapse. Weirdly enough, ten years to the date that of my first OCD diagnosis.

Anonymous

Date posted: 20h

Don't be upset everyday is a working progress to reach your goal and fear

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 21h

Hello Generiname, I see you are struggling with having spent 9 hours checking. With OCD the urge to "figure it out" can be intense, as if we think a fire is raging. The problem with this is thinking about a fire, is quite different than a fire occurring. When engaging in compulsions such as checking, this continues to train the brain to treat the thought as a threat. Further it increases the brains desire to engage in compulsions. Even though there was a distressing day, it's never to late to get back into practice with resisting compulsions and living with uncertainty. A destressing thought can be there, but it doesn't mean we have to respond. I hope this message reaches you well and know that at NOCD, we are always here to help! Take care, Ian M. Reeder

yc98

Date posted: 18h

I get what you're feeling, I'm sorry you're going through it too ❤️ you're stronger than your thoughts

Generiname

Date posted: 15h

Thank you. It's just difficult reading some of the older stuff as they went against my old and current values. I tried so hard to fit in... too hard. I am deeply ashamed and I just want to move on and forgive myself.

Emily🦋

Date posted: 3h

I took a whole hour trying to find clothes cause if I wore certain cloths then a loved one would die😭you can do it friend! You will be okay 🙏

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