Health Anxiety and Trusting Tests

I’ve developed major health anxiety and would love input from others who feel the same or who have overcome. I had a traumatic event years ago and suspected exposure to infectious diseases (legit exposure). I’ve tested negative for hiv through labs 5 times, four 4th gen tests and one RNA years after exposure. I also have tested for hep b including two recent anti-hbc tests through quest negative and also then developed immunity after vaccination. I stay petrified of a missed diagnosis and fear I had a past cleared hep b infection that quest is missing. I’ve never had symptoms. How can I move past this? Or do I need more testing!? 😭

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

I would say the best thing would be to stop getting tested. The testing itself is a compulsion, and It is not going to reassure you anymore, as you’ve been tested 4 times and your ocd is still making you worry on whether or not you have it. You do not have it, but by asking doctors to reiterate this to you it’s only strengthening the compulsion. I would recommend practicing ERP with a therapist trained in helping facilitate it. With ERP, you could practice accepting the idea of worst case scenario. Imagine you do one day have HIV, sit with those feelings until they don’t scare you anymore. HIV is a disease thousands of people have and continue to live normal lives with today’s medicine. I’m sorry you’re struggling with OCD. It is a nasty disorder. With ERP and medication I was able to get a hold of mine. I find mine will be in check for long periods of time and then i may experience a relapse of symptoms, I just get back into practicing ERP until my thoughts no longer have the anxiety affect on me. I hope this helped.

faithdriven

Date posted: 18h

@Anonymous You’re exactly right. Once I felt mostly assured for HIV, I jumped to hepatitis B. And, even with two negative anti-hbc (the lifetime marker) tests, I still worry, even though I told myself after the second test, I would let this go. Now I tell myself that quest might not be reliable and that mine were incorrectly done. I appreciate the response, I likely need medication if the medical side of my fears is truly conclusive.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

@faithdriven When you’re having thoughts that quest might not be the reliable source “lean into it”, what I mean is, pretend that your thought is true, by doing so you give it less power. “What if quest isn’t reliable?” “Then I might have HIV” sit with those thoughts. They are uncomfortable, but if you become more comfortable with them, they lose their power over you. Part of ERP is “leaning into it” going along with your obsessions and asking yourself worse case scenario. If you get comfortable accepting that there may be “what ifs” that you can’t control, then these thoughts won’t have power over you anymore. And you may find your OCD jumps to another topic, for instance yours went from HIV to hepB, cause it’s looking for something to incite anxiety, to keep the cycle going. At some point it may jump to a new disease once you’re no longer affected by hepB thoughts. I highly recommend ERP, I use Donna Gupta through this app, she’s amazing. You can message the support team and request her if you want. But I also think talking to a psychiatrist to find a medication that might work for you might help too. You could conquer it all without medication, but some people need that extra help. And know that finding the right medication can take time. SSRIs typically take 4-6 weeks to take full effect, and the first one you try might not help quiet all the noise. Have patience and know that with therapy and professional help it can get better! There’s also a ton of free support groups weekly on this app. On a side note, I had cancer when I was 19. Went through chemo, lost all my hair, got really sick. I would rather go through that all again, than to have ever had OCD. That is how hard this disorder is. Until I got the right help, I was extremely anxious and depressed all the time and constantly at war with my brain. It is so hard to deal with but I say all this to tell you it is possible. Remember, seeking reassurance is a compulsion, testing for diseases is a compulsion. Start accepting the what ifs and knowing you may never have an answer to your OCD thoughts, get comfortable with the uncomfortable. You got this.

Moeden

Date posted: 19h

I know how you feel. I’m suffering from bad health ocd myself. I obsess over every sensation in my body. I’ve had a bunch of tests that all come back ok. But the littlest abnormalities in my blood work cause me to spiral and go down the rabbit hole. I’ve become a little obsessive about my blood pressure and test it at home. I know what you’re going through. I don’t really have any advice besides the usual trying to be ok with the uncertainty. I use the maybe or maybe not thought process. Maybe I have (fill in the blank) maybe I don’t. I try humor whenever I can. I hope you find some relief from this. Hang in there. You’re not alone.

faithdriven

Date posted: 19h

@Moeden Thanks :( I think that’s what I struggle with the most, I know from therapist recommendations that I need to learn to tolerate uncertainty, but when it comes to infectious diseases, I’m not sure how someone reaches the point where they can tolerate not knowing. So I just obsessively test which is awful!

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