scared my ocd stress has physically harmed my bf

for a year now my ocd has been stressing my boyfriend out. sometimes a lot so much so that it may of been chronic stress for some short portions of the year. I know i did not let my mental struggles make me abusive. i know i actually wasn’t even close to that point. but, my boyfriend has male pattern baldness and i have become convinced that the stress i put him under from my ocd compulsions and constant questioning this past year, has caused him chronic stress that lead to a quickening of his balding. i know that hair loss from stress grows back and is not the same mechanism as male pattern baldness hair loss. i know hair loss from stress is not because of permanent shrinkage of the follicle. so even if that happened, it is not the same thing so im not speeding up the permanent balding. but what if the damage to the follicles from stress is so bad it creates their own permanence of balding. even if not permanent the thought that i even temporarily made it worse makes me feel so awful. the worst part is i know this in itself is an obsession, because i know that it is unlikely that the stress got that bad and it doesn’t go without being said/ i didn’t realize until i had this what if thought. i also know that if it got that bad with what happened, it would also be partly on him for handling it in the way he did. i can just feel that this itself is ocd. i think that if it wasn’t it would very different overall. but, i cannot stop these thoughts and saying sorry to him and asking for his perspective is only making it worse and worse

nlhealing

Date posted: Yesterday

i always tell myself to follow the energy of peace and all the right conclusions will be there with or without words to break them down. i know i need to trust the feeling of peace. i say if i did harm him like that, within the energy of peace would be the processing of it all. but, right now, within the energy of peace is me ignoring those thoughts because they are not real and just taking the lesson that any repetitive stress can arguably become chronic or harmful so its good to refrain from that.. but not to take it so far as to take on responsibility for his progressed balding.

nlhealing

Date posted: Yesterday

i just read after searching about stress and dht levels, that chronic stress can raise hormones and make dht levels higher which in that case i guess can very well speed up the permanent male pattern baldness. its funny though because now i am so tired from this obsession that i don’t even care anymore. it feels like, well whatever, i didn’t think about that while going thru the stress and i was not abusive or anything close to that. so i think this (the past year) is just on the more normal range of life struggles, and if he didn’t have male pattern baldness, it (the difficult past year) wouldn’t be something i thought back on this heavily.

nlhealing

Date posted: Yesterday

if anyone read this far, my conclusion is: i wasn’t outstandingly stressful in a way that would make hair loss not surprising. if i caused chronic stress and did not realize it, i know this must not be a severe case where it is expected i realize it. it doesn’t feel that severe yet i recognize the possibility of my fear of speeding up his balding, being true. in recognizing that, i take a lesson on how impactful lack of peace can be. i move forward with that knowledge and goal of limiting caused stress; but with no feelings of responsibility for causing any sort of hair loss. even though i am aware of not being stressful for my bf the way i was anymore, i am not going to take on responsibility for his hair loss and i am going to assume its just the course his hair is taking. if stress added, nothing i should of been this acutely aware of. but.. now that i will always be more than ever before… i am going to move much more intentionally peaceful through life with myself and others.

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