Ex

My ex found out I’m engaged. I convinced myself I must’ve told him while I was drinking but I didn’t even get *super.* drunk where I have memory gaps. Only two other ways he could find out: Google my name Look at my moms Instagram That’s it. He is potentially a narcissist and he is very toxic and still tries to contact me occasionally after three years through new accounts. I had to change my number so he isn’t able to text me luckily. Is it plausible he found out via one of the two ways I suggested or am in denial?? Genuinely don’t know how I would tell him and forget but my OCD it saying it’s possible.

sg531

Date posted: 38w

Definitely the two ways you suggested. Especially since he’s been weird in the past. You’re not in denial. They never give up lol. Congratulations though!

Nl123ehe

Date posted: 38w

@sg531 Okay thank you!! I know this is OCD but I feel CRAZY because I made stupid decisions drunk in the past. But I don’t drink like that anymore. I drink maybe three times a year total and the time or two I did I was definitely tipsy but I feel like I’d know if I was doing something that bad and morally I know I wouldn’t cheat

Vividragon

Date posted: 38w

If he'a a narcissit then he would completely break boundries, look it up, and then lie or imply that you told him. The simple rule with Narcissts is they think they're the only people who matter and will "win" whatever it is they want at any costs. If you look through that lens it might be easier to tell when you're being gaslit. Idealize, devalue, discard is the abuse playbook.

Nl123ehe

Date posted: 38w

@Vividragon That makes a lot of sense. I haven’t heard he’s diagnosed but the way he acts points to him being one. I’d say he definitely is but what if he isn’t? Is this still possible?

Vividragon

Date posted: 38w

@Nl123ehe Someone who isn't a narcissit can still cross major boundries and do abusive behaviors.

DadPerry

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 37w

Maybe you did and maybe you didn't. You have to accept the uncertainty and move on. Are you really worried what your ex of over 3 years ago thinks about you being engaged. Look to the future, not the past... Does it really matter anymore?

Nl123ehe

Date posted: 37w

@DadPerry No I don’t care what they think, what I care is that they won’t stop creating new accounts to reach out to me, no matter how many times I block or don’t reply. I am worried what they are capable of that’s really the issue. I feel like it’s never ending

DadPerry

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 37w

@Nl123ehe Ok but, respectfully, that’s not an OCD question. That seems like he’s harassing you and it could be a legal issue. Best of luck.

ChelseyJ

Date posted: 2d

He probably found out elsewhere - but even if he did find out from you saying something (maybe you did, maybe you didn't), the most important thing is that you are happy with your fiancé. It's hard not to stress about what OCD tells us to worry about. So, when those thoughts do come up, don't forget to also remind yourself about your relationship with your fiancé, the life you are building, etc.

Nicole.ocd

Date posted: 16h

I mean, does it really matter? If he found the information himself via the internet, that's on him. How would you have spoken to him and not had a paper trail to confirm that? I mean if you texted him or called him, you'd be able to trace that. Either way, if this is a person who has no place in your life, you need to pretend he does not exist and continue to keep your distance and block him or something. Focus on your fiance. It's not worth working yourself up over <3

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