I don’t want to trigger anyone, but something scary about rOCD is that you never really know if the bad feeling you have is caused by the fact that maybe you are forcing yourself to do something that part of you don’t want to or because of anxiety. I try to understand if I broke up with my gf few months ago because of rOCD or just because the relationship was not really healthy since the beginning (I was the one who “hurts” her emotionally). To summarize, at the end of our relationship, I started to feel bad to not care when I made her cry and also because many time, when she talked about the future or what we can do if I win the lottery I felt deep inside “Fuck why I don’t imagine to buy her things or house for us, why I would keep the money and just think about me” while she was really imagining things for us. It’s after that moment (about the lottery thing) that I really started to feel anxious (that bad feeling in the gut) and started remembering all the bad behavior/thoughts I had during the whole relationship. I remember that the day after that, just before we had sex I had my head telling me “enjoy it because you know it’s the last time”. Maybe I’m trying to reassure me that I don’t have rOCD but I remember that I didn’t feel bad about that voice, it was like a truth (I don’t know how to explain). Then the day after, that uneasy feeling amplified and the thought “Be brave, you know what you have to do” came to me. I remember that it was impossible to focus at work, I even took medicine to try to feel less anxious. Then (at this moment it looks like rOCD) I checked articles about signs that it’s time to end a relationship, and I had many signs. The evening I had to see her so I told her directly that it was the end. I remember I cried with her but I felt so relieved at the same time. Things that make me think about rOCD is that after few weeks I made a deep depression (because of overthinking about all of this) and I obsessed about her (actually it was the first gf I had that was really into me, the opposite of my all my previous gfs). Worst part is like I tried 3 times to go back with her and every time I quickly had that horrible feeling that I had before I broke up with her the first time. But again, I had that feeling first before the thoughts. Each time, her flaws makes me anxious and I saw only that (the way she talked, her face expression). Then the thought like “you’re forcing yourself, what the fuck are you doing again” came. I remember the last time I tried to go back with her I tried to not care about that feeling and told me it’s just an emotion that will pass, but part of me really wanted to see her lying to me or make something bad that can give me an excuse to not continue... and as you can guess I finally told her that it was a bad idea to continue... (only 2 days after we met because again I was unable to concentrate on work etc). Because of all of that I asked to see a therapist (that I still see) who told me that I have the fear of abandonment. The problem is that rOCD is not recognized in France... so I guess I will never know. I didn’t have contact with her since 2 months (she blocked me, I’m thankful about it cause it’s the best thing to do to stop the suffering) and I finally start to obsess less about all of this (I can think about it many time during the day but this time it doesn’t stay in my mind non-stop). I know it’s a pattern that I have and I don’t want to have this again. I’m to the point to think that maybe it should be better if I stay single the rest of my life, because I don’t want to hurt other girls and be depressed again (it’s my third depression, always caused by relationship that I end). So, can rOCD can cause anxiety before the thoughts? Cause I read that it’s the thought that cause anxiety, but in my case it was always the feeling first, then the thoughts.

So I haven’t been diagnosed with ROCD but I’ve kinda self-diagnosed myself because of my repeated thought patterns and my way to escape them by searching for answers online (“signs I love her” or taking “do I love her or am I attached/codependent” quizzes) and asking loved ones how they knew they were in love. But recently I started to question this symptom of ROCD, wouldn’t someone in denial about loosing feelings for their partner do the same thing? (try to look for reasons that they do love their partner) I started to feel emotionless and apathy for my partner around the 3 month mark but as we grew closer and had real and emotional talks I started to regain my feelings. But sometimes when we are cuddling i’ll get this sudden emotionless feeling and it gives me anxiety. (It also scares me to think this started at the 3 month mark due to the 3 month rule phenomenon I see on social media) Our relationship has always been soo healthy, I really love my girlfriend and I know it but Im not to sure if i’m actually “IN LOVE.” I sometimes get intrusive thoughts about her looks and feel like im in love with her physical potential rather than how she looks now and that feels so wrong but don’t get me wrong either I still still think she’s beautiful regardless of how she looks. I love everything else about her like her personality, kindness, generosity, and loyalty. She’s my first girlfriend so I don’t know how to distinguish between loving someone and being in love with someone. I also don’t know how to or how it feels to move on from someone after so many emotional/special moments with them and the thought about starting a new relationship makes me feel uncomfortable and is just something I don’t want, hence the feeling that I might just be attached/codependent. I feel so uncomfortable when thinking that if we break up I might never see her again and we’ll never get to rejoice in sharing these emotional, special, and beautiful moments. I want it to be her that I spend the rest of my life with so badly but I feel like my mind is stopping me from picturing a future of us together even though that’s what I really want. (writing this sentence^ I got the intrusive thought of “are you sure that’s what you really want” and now i’m questioning myself) I also can’t help but feel this intense anxiousness in my chest and an inner gut feeling/voice telling me to break up with her without any reason other than because I have a strong feeling she isn’t the one. I haven’t acted on this feeling because In the case that I do have ROCD I know this gut feeling/intuition cannot be trusted. I also read, in the case that I do have ROCD the way to treat it is to endure the anxiety and face uncertainty but I feel like there is no uncertainty about my relationship. I feel 100% safe with her and that she won’t cheat on me, so why do i feel like this!!! I don’t want to endure this anxiety forever, I’m so confused! I’m currently looking for therapy to help decipher my feelings correctly and see if I’m experiencing ROCD. But according to what i’ve explained.. Is this ROCD or DENIAL about losing feelings?

for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.

My trauma has always prevented me from pursuing a romantic relationship, I’ve always been super terrified of pursuing something with someone for just about every reason I could conjure up. Now, I’ve met someone and I’ve tried so, so hard to push away all those anxieties to make it work; but I feel like the more involved I get, I become more scared and I dwell on more things that may be signs that our “relationship” should end. I keep thinking over and over that I’m not good enough for them, I might be their “target,” they’re not right for me, our feelings are not mutual, it couldn’t work out between us, my friends and family would not approve, I’m not ready for it, etc. Recently, I tried to break things off with them because they were too tall for me. I started sobbing because I was scared that I was being and awful person and I had completely screwed everything up between us. I wanna know if this sounds like ROCD ? I always had a hunch that I could have, but I had never gotten far enough into a relationship to find out. Please feel free to ask me any clarifying questions. Right now I’m probably not making much sense haha.