I don’t want to trigger anyone, but something scary about rOCD is that you never really know if the bad feeling you have is caused by the fact that maybe you are forcing yourself to do something that part of you don’t want to or because of anxiety. I try to understand if I broke up with my gf few months ago because of rOCD or just because the relationship was not really healthy since the beginning (I was the one who “hurts” her emotionally). To summarize, at the end of our relationship, I started to feel bad to not care when I made her cry and also because many time, when she talked about the future or what we can do if I win the lottery I felt deep inside “Fuck why I don’t imagine to buy her things or house for us, why I would keep the money and just think about me” while she was really imagining things for us. It’s after that moment (about the lottery thing) that I really started to feel anxious (that bad feeling in the gut) and started remembering all the bad behavior/thoughts I had during the whole relationship. I remember that the day after that, just before we had sex I had my head telling me “enjoy it because you know it’s the last time”. Maybe I’m trying to reassure me that I don’t have rOCD but I remember that I didn’t feel bad about that voice, it was like a truth (I don’t know how to explain). Then the day after, that uneasy feeling amplified and the thought “Be brave, you know what you have to do” came to me. I remember that it was impossible to focus at work, I even took medicine to try to feel less anxious. Then (at this moment it looks like rOCD) I checked articles about signs that it’s time to end a relationship, and I had many signs. The evening I had to see her so I told her directly that it was the end. I remember I cried with her but I felt so relieved at the same time. Things that make me think about rOCD is that after few weeks I made a deep depression (because of overthinking about all of this) and I obsessed about her (actually it was the first gf I had that was really into me, the opposite of my all my previous gfs). Worst part is like I tried 3 times to go back with her and every time I quickly had that horrible feeling that I had before I broke up with her the first time. But again, I had that feeling first before the thoughts. Each time, her flaws makes me anxious and I saw only that (the way she talked, her face expression). Then the thought like “you’re forcing yourself, what the fuck are you doing again” came. I remember the last time I tried to go back with her I tried to not care about that feeling and told me it’s just an emotion that will pass, but part of me really wanted to see her lying to me or make something bad that can give me an excuse to not continue... and as you can guess I finally told her that it was a bad idea to continue... (only 2 days after we met because again I was unable to concentrate on work etc). Because of all of that I asked to see a therapist (that I still see) who told me that I have the fear of abandonment. The problem is that rOCD is not recognized in France... so I guess I will never know. I didn’t have contact with her since 2 months (she blocked me, I’m thankful about it cause it’s the best thing to do to stop the suffering) and I finally start to obsess less about all of this (I can think about it many time during the day but this time it doesn’t stay in my mind non-stop). I know it’s a pattern that I have and I don’t want to have this again. I’m to the point to think that maybe it should be better if I stay single the rest of my life, because I don’t want to hurt other girls and be depressed again (it’s my third depression, always caused by relationship that I end). So, can rOCD can cause anxiety before the thoughts? Cause I read that it’s the thought that cause anxiety, but in my case it was always the feeling first, then the thoughts.