I don’t want to trigger anyone, but something scary about rOCD is that you never really know if the bad feeling you have is caused by the fact that maybe you are forcing yourself to do something that part of you don’t want to or because of anxiety. I try to understand if I broke up with my gf few months ago because of rOCD or just because the relationship was not really healthy since the beginning (I was the one who “hurts” her emotionally). To summarize, at the end of our relationship, I started to feel bad to not care when I made her cry and also because many time, when she talked about the future or what we can do if I win the lottery I felt deep inside “Fuck why I don’t imagine to buy her things or house for us, why I would keep the money and just think about me” while she was really imagining things for us. It’s after that moment (about the lottery thing) that I really started to feel anxious (that bad feeling in the gut) and started remembering all the bad behavior/thoughts I had during the whole relationship. I remember that the day after that, just before we had sex I had my head telling me “enjoy it because you know it’s the last time”. Maybe I’m trying to reassure me that I don’t have rOCD but I remember that I didn’t feel bad about that voice, it was like a truth (I don’t know how to explain). Then the day after, that uneasy feeling amplified and the thought “Be brave, you know what you have to do” came to me. I remember that it was impossible to focus at work, I even took medicine to try to feel less anxious. Then (at this moment it looks like rOCD) I checked articles about signs that it’s time to end a relationship, and I had many signs. The evening I had to see her so I told her directly that it was the end. I remember I cried with her but I felt so relieved at the same time. Things that make me think about rOCD is that after few weeks I made a deep depression (because of overthinking about all of this) and I obsessed about her (actually it was the first gf I had that was really into me, the opposite of my all my previous gfs). Worst part is like I tried 3 times to go back with her and every time I quickly had that horrible feeling that I had before I broke up with her the first time. But again, I had that feeling first before the thoughts. Each time, her flaws makes me anxious and I saw only that (the way she talked, her face expression). Then the thought like “you’re forcing yourself, what the fuck are you doing again” came. I remember the last time I tried to go back with her I tried to not care about that feeling and told me it’s just an emotion that will pass, but part of me really wanted to see her lying to me or make something bad that can give me an excuse to not continue... and as you can guess I finally told her that it was a bad idea to continue... (only 2 days after we met because again I was unable to concentrate on work etc). Because of all of that I asked to see a therapist (that I still see) who told me that I have the fear of abandonment. The problem is that rOCD is not recognized in France... so I guess I will never know. I didn’t have contact with her since 2 months (she blocked me, I’m thankful about it cause it’s the best thing to do to stop the suffering) and I finally start to obsess less about all of this (I can think about it many time during the day but this time it doesn’t stay in my mind non-stop). I know it’s a pattern that I have and I don’t want to have this again. I’m to the point to think that maybe it should be better if I stay single the rest of my life, because I don’t want to hurt other girls and be depressed again (it’s my third depression, always caused by relationship that I end). So, can rOCD can cause anxiety before the thoughts? Cause I read that it’s the thought that cause anxiety, but in my case it was always the feeling first, then the thoughts.

for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.

My trauma has always prevented me from pursuing a romantic relationship, I’ve always been super terrified of pursuing something with someone for just about every reason I could conjure up. Now, I’ve met someone and I’ve tried so, so hard to push away all those anxieties to make it work; but I feel like the more involved I get, I become more scared and I dwell on more things that may be signs that our “relationship” should end. I keep thinking over and over that I’m not good enough for them, I might be their “target,” they’re not right for me, our feelings are not mutual, it couldn’t work out between us, my friends and family would not approve, I’m not ready for it, etc. Recently, I tried to break things off with them because they were too tall for me. I started sobbing because I was scared that I was being and awful person and I had completely screwed everything up between us. I wanna know if this sounds like ROCD ? I always had a hunch that I could have, but I had never gotten far enough into a relationship to find out. Please feel free to ask me any clarifying questions. Right now I’m probably not making much sense haha.

Hi all, I’m quite new to the whole ROCD thing as I was just diagnosed after years of thinking I just “wasn’t meant for love/dating” because of how horribly I would spiral into a depressive, extremely dread-filled and horrifically anxious state of mind and immediately cut it off during the talking stage with guys. After breaking up with a guy who I truly liked and cared for TWICE, I was finally diagnosed with OCD and it all really makes sense now. It feels weird trying to explain it to others though… I don’t know if I’m alone in these feelings, but it feels like every time I start talking to a guy—usually after the first date but the worries are extreme even in the beginning when I perceive that they are starting to like me—I end up in this major depressive episode where I don’t feel real or like myself, I can’t take care of myself, I’m either hysterically crying or I feel numb, I feel completely trapped (even if we’re not officially dating yet), I question everything in case I’m missing a red flag of some kind or some hint that this person isn’t right for me (even with simple things like a guy giving me flowers, I end up thinking “is this moving too fast? Is he being weird? Is this love bombing? What if he has an ulterior motive? Why did he really give me these?” when logically I know it’s probably nothing) I feel like I’m always looking for evidence to see if they are secretly weird, if we aren’t compatible (always “casually” ask them to take the Myers-Briggs Personality Test to try to find out as much information as humanly possible right off the bat due to fear of being stuck with them only after realizing their real personality) It then typically escalates to a point where I never want to check my phone in fear that they texted me, I feel smothered from any communication, I wish for them to break up/break it off with me, the thought of them just icks me out and almost disgusts me, I can’t get out of bed, I can’t stomach going out with friends or family of theirs, and I usually need to introduce 24/7 drugs of some kind (weed and nicotine) to my daily routine to cope with the feelings/use it to eat something because I can’t eat when I’m with them/due to the anxiety around dating them. With the man I just broke up with FOR THE SECOND TIME AFTER A WEEK OF DATING, it had gotten to a point—as it always does—where the pain of trying to be with them is greater than my appreciation for them. I might smile at my phone when they text me and be full of joy around them, but the portion of time when I’m NOT around them and left to just think about the relationship or observing how they are behaving rather than being in the moment is just too much. Once I break it off though, it feels like a bag has been lifted over my head and I’m finally back to my normal self. I usually need a couple days to emotionally recover, and then I’m up and cleaning my home, taking care of myself, and back to making plans with others. I feel lonely then and might miss them, but I know it’s just not fair to ANYONE right now to date someone like me. Is this relatable? Do I sound crazy? - Z