Opinions!!! Does this sound like rocd?

My boyfriend and I have been going through a “rough” patch since this Wednesday. Basically I saw this rando on Tuesday and my brain started hyper fixating on him and creating a false narrative for that guy and saying things like “oh he’ll probably do this unlike my bf” My bf and I had a very honest discussion too bc we’ve both been struggling with mismatched libidos and making each other feel loved in one another’s love language’s. Ever since that Wednesday, I have been obsessively doubting if I should breakup with my boyfriend. Does this sound like rocd? It’s like I wake up with the doubts, am fine for a little, then it comes back, especially at night and 10x worse. I can’t tell if we should or shouldn’t break up. I can’t tell if I love him or if I’m falling out of love. I cry about the idea of breaking up but then the part of me that hyper fixated on that dude is like looking at that guy as a scapegoat. I’ve hyper fixated on others before but it’s never been this bad, at least not that I can remember. But it’s like after this rough patch (where I shared my fears and we both talked about what we need), I had fully convinced myself that we are gonna breakup and now I like imagine my life without him, my room without his stuff, how I’d be at school, etc. Plus if I truly didn’t love him or didn’t want to be with him, would I truly even care this much??? Ik with my ex I didn’t. Does anyone have any advice or tips?

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Although everyone’s experience can be different, I want to share my experience with you because I have struggled with these things as well. With ocd it can be so easy to have high expectations and want things to align perfect with the idea we have in our head of how things should be. It’s too easy to want to compare your relationship to others that you see. “Oh well that guy does that thing for his girlfriend. Why doesn’t my boyfriend do that for me?” Or even “that guy says these things to his girlfriend or shows up for her in this specific way.. why doesn’t my boyfriend say or do those things for me?” “Does he not love me?” “Would he rather be with someone else?” Comparison absolutely kills what you have right in front of you. Every relationship is different and if you have 90% of what you’re looking for, then you won’t be happy whatsoever finding the other 10% of what you don’t currently have in someone else. So if you ignore those ‘what if’ questions for a min, how does your boyfriend make you feel overall? What does the bigger picture look like? Is he your best friend? Even best friends don’t get along 100% of the time or disagree on things. Do you just love being around your boyfriend? Do you get excited to see your boyfriend? Does he ever make you giddy even if you’ve been together for years? These are important questions to ask yourself. You and your partner are 2 different people and things will not always be perfect. You go through things, and so does your partner. Sometimes they will have a bad day and maybe their tone of voice makes you question how they feel towards you when it actually has nothing to do with you at all. And vice versa. If either one of you are having a moment where you’re getting in your head and it prevents you from communicating effectively, just walk away for a moment take a breather to clear your head. Sometimes life is going to throw you obstacles in your relationship and it’s SUPER important to remember it is not you against your partner. It’s the both of you against the problem. You’re a team. It’s okay to feel differently sometimes and it’s okay to feel the same sometimes. You’re 2 different people but you are on the same team. And not everything is 50/50 as well. Some days, you’ll have to put in more effort. Other days, your partner will have to put in more effort. Some days you’ll both come together equally, and other days you’ll accept that you both need to relax and take care of yourselves and not put in as much effort to the relationship. Because also, you can’t pour from an empty cup. You both need to take care of yourself and what you need because if you both fill your own cup, then you’ll both have full cups to pour into the relationship. Things aren’t perfect, things aren’t always even. But if overall, you both are putting in effort and show you care in one way or another and you truly love each other, understanding these things will make your relationship last and make it through the toughest of times. Give yourself grace!

meow10

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous Wait that response was so good lol that made me feel better. Yes my boyfriend is my best friend and I love him so much genuinely. Even when he does the most annoying things I do. You’re very right about the comparison and my partner has even called me out on that. He promised to do whatever to make our relationship better, which I did as well. I realized that when he does one thing I ask, it’s like I don’t even give him the chance to relax or be grateful that he did it. I just critique the next thing and ask him to do something else instead of thanking him for his effort. Would you say the things I shared sound like ocd? Thank you again for your kind reply. It meant a lot.

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

@meow10 Aww yay I’m glad I was able to help! But yes I 100% know it’s ocd and I relate so much and it’s taken A LOT for me to get to a point where I understand that I have everything I need out of my relationship and just because other people are showing up in certain ways in their relationships, doesn’t mean my partner isn’t trying hard enough. My partner shows up in ways that a lot of other healthy relationships probably don’t just because every relationship is different because people are different and he truly is my best friend and makes me cackle because we have such similar sense of humor and after 4 years he still makes me giddy and when he shows me his lovey side, my heart fills with joy and I can’t believe I ever let myself believe he wasn’t good for me just because we aren’t perfect people. And if you’re stewing on any ocd thoughts, it’s definitely worse at night for sure! Simply because you have no other distractions so you’re forced to acknowledge those thoughts. And plus if there is anything my therapist has taught me, it’s that ocd is a LIAR and needs perfection/certainty and tries to get you to believe that any discomfort is bad. I like to imagine my intrusive thoughts as clouds and just let them pass.

meow10

Date posted: 23h

@Anonymous Yes I’m having a hard time letting it go. I think it may have been caused by hyper fixating on that guy because I can’t think of a real reason to break up with my bf… idk it just stresses me out because I doubt my feelings

AnonymousCat

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m struggling with this too. The guilt and shame around comparing that I feel sometimes is unbearable. Some days I feel great, and other days I feel stuck and trapped by these thoughts the whole day. It hits me hard in the morning and makes it difficult to start my day. I think I’m just anticipating a hard day, so I try to sleep as much as possible to avoid starting it. My anxiety days are about 50/50.

meow10

Date posted: 23h

@AnonymousCat Omg I used to sleep as much as possible too to avoid it 😭😭 I feel the exact same way. I’ve been trying to journal more and be more mindful. Also just realizing that the actual emotion after being triggered last 90 seconds is something I’m trying to remind myself of and I’m trying to not let myself go beyond that 90 seconds

Anonymous

Date posted: 22h

Another thing I’ve noticed that has been helping me personally is finding any sort of way I can be creative. I’m really not typically that creative but I’ve found I can be a lot more creative in a lot of different ways including small ways that you wouldn’t typically notice as a way of being creative. It started with something as small as just noticing how I actually am creative with how I dress myself. Mixing it up has seemed to make me feel a lot happier personally. Didn’t wear jewelry for the longest time and I’ve found a lot of joy in wearing a cute combo of rings and necklaces and sometimes bracelets. I’ve been coloring a lot too which has helped me a lot because it’s such a simple and easy way to get creative without having to necessarily be good at art. The bold and easy coloring books are where it’s at for me and I add my own special touches to it! All of this has led me to feel a lot more motivated recently to keep up on my cleaning and keeping things pretty organized. It’s definitely not perfect but I actually haven’t felt the need much to strive for perfection for the tidiness of my space. Of course everyone is different but these things have been personally helping me be more productive and motivated and I have felt better overall. I still definitely have my moments with intrusive thoughts and some moments are harder than others but it doesn’t feel like it’s taking over my life as much.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond