ROCD questioning your feelings?

Hi folks, over the years, I’ve had week or two-week long spirals around random fears about my partner, usually stemming from fearing whether he’s a good man to be with or questioning the extent of his feelings and attraction toward me. He recently proposed, and as soon as I sensed it was coming that week, I spiraled into absolute panic wondering if I love him enough or not. It’s been three weeks and now I’m in absolute hell, convinced something is wrong and that I don’t love him enough. Does anyone with ROCD have this particular obsession? I just feel alone — most of them in the past for me have been questioning his love and sincerity toward me. I turned him down a couple times in the early years, as I was recently divorced and really just trying to figure out my life, be single for once in my adulthood, etc., and now I’ve convinced myself that I am lying to myself when explaining away why I didn’t immediate fall head over heels for him. I’m just so exhausted and fried that I feel absolutely nothing. Anyone with this obsession been able to get over this?

Coley_Cannoli

Date posted: 18h

Have this for sure. I got married and spent a few weeks panicked that I made a wrong decision. I was wondering if I had gotten married to prove I could be loved. Definitely not healed of this, but more cognizant as I continue the journey and learn how OCD surfaces in me. Breaking down my responses to stress have been helpful in identifying and [hopefully] not repeating patterns.

kmp88

Date posted: 17h

@Coley_Cannoli Ugh, I’m sorry. Yeah, I feel like I’m denying all the reasons I’ve happily stayed and dated him, even semi-long distance (2.5 hours apart), and that it was for some other deep emotion. You kind of can’t remotely resolve a thought like that. Would you say you’ve gotten out of the woods? Right now, I’m at like a five-alarm fire in terms of the panic level I’m in.

Doglover93

Date posted: 17h

OCD in relationships is incredibly challenging. The OCD also compromises our ability to be fully present with someone. We are stuck in our own heads analyzing everything instead of just BEING WITH THEM in the moment. It’s very challenging bc some of it might be real and some of it might be your OCD. And that is WHY we are so confused snd keep going in circles BUT that is the OCD.

kmp88

Date posted: 17h

@Doglover93 Yeah, I feel a lot of increased physical anxiety now just being in his presence because my bad feelings don’t go away when with him because I’m so preoccupied. So it just begets more fear.

Doglover93

Date posted: 17h

@kmp88 And then you feel a disconnect with your partner bc you don’t know how to explain everything going on inside and don’t want to burden them. Bc they can’t help you with it. It’s the doubting disorder and reassurance perpetuates it more instead of fixing it.

StephBA

Date posted: 17h

OCD always wants 100% certainty and no matter how much you engage, you will never get complete certainty.You may get a slight relief here and there however, any response you give it will just bring another question and eventually the OCD is spiraling out of control. I have been there and its absolutely tormenting. Are you working with a therapist who specializes in OCD using ERP? It can take some time however, it is the only effective treatment for OCD. When you stated you had physical anxiety being around him, just know OCD can create increases in anxiety, sensations, visuals and much more especially when we engage with it, the urgency and anxiety to figure it out only fuels the OCD.

Doglover93

Date posted: 17h

@Stephaniewermers@gmail.com And it’s still something that needs to be consciously practiced. I did the program and have those tools but still have pretty bad episodes every now and then. Once you know the tools, you have more of a choice though.

kmp88

Date posted: 17h

@Stephaniewermers@gmail.com I started therapy about two weeks ago with an OCD specialist. It’s a little slow to start since we’re building the fear and response list, but it gives me hope to hold on just a little.

StephBA

Date posted: 17h

@Doglover93 Yes, there is no cure however, learning ERP teaches us the tools to manage the disorder. I still have a lot of intrusive thoughts and it can be louder some days than others. It took me a few months of continuous practice to get to where I am however, I still have bad episodes as well.

StephBA

Date posted: 17h

@kmp88 That is Great, you will get there, small steps. It's learning a new way to manage the OCD, that was life changing for me. It's not a quick fix, it took me a few months of ERP however, well worth it.

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