Rant :( and advice

I’m having anxiety that my boyfriend isn’t my soulmate. And I’m just wondering if I even love my boyfriend enough or if I should be with this other guy that I hyper fixated on or if I want to leave because I read that love isn’t enough and sometimes soulmates are temporary. It’s just stressing me out. How can I even tell if I do love my boyfriend?? Like what would be signs that I want to end the relationship? Earlier I felt fine and confident in our relationship. Can ROCD cause people to hyper fixate on others (also including their partner but in this scenario, someone who isn’t their partner)? Does anyone have advice on how to ease the anxiety, especially at night?

Anonymous

Date posted: 7d

Anxiety gets worse when you’re tired, so that can definitely contribute after a long day and worsen at night. You also are with your partner for a reason, it’s normal to have second thoughts as well or just question things. Just let the thoughts come and let them go. It’s not easy, but at no point are you forced to be with anyone so at any time you can make a decision! ROCD can contribute definitely. Maybe find something to keep you busy like a good book, or a funny movie to change your thoughts around and focus on some positive.

AnonymousCat

Date posted: 7d

Hi again! I have the exact same thing happen to me from time to time. I’m not sure if it’s ocd or what it is, but what helps me is to remind myself that 1) I don’t actually know the other person; 2) that person could be a better fit for me than my current partner and I’m missing out (the technique of talking back to the voice and saying “yeah, you could be right”), 3) I’m allowed to leave my partner if I want to, but today I don’t actually want to not be with my partner, and since I’m in a monogamous relationship, that precludes trying things with other people, and 4) if I do decide I want to break up one day, it won’t be the end of the world if later I have to miss that person (I can do hard things, and so can you)

meow10

Date posted: 7d

@AnonymousCat Thank you, it just stresses me out really bad because I was fine a week and a half ago but then the hyper fixation on that guy started 😭 I don’t even know him, but it’s as if my brain created a false persona about him and then it latched all these what ifs onto it. It’s just giving me mega anxiety and doubts. I can’t really discern my true feelings. Then I feel so guilty to my boyfriend too because why can’t I stop the back and forth behavior 😭I’m sorry to rant, but my next therapy session isn’t until this Wednesday -_- and it’s been on my mind since my last session (past Wednesday). I don’t even have a real, genuine reason to break up with him but it’s like my brain has convinced me to.

AnonymousCat

Date posted: 6d

@meow10 I hope you had an easier day today. I know how painful it is to go through this. Something my intrusive thoughts like to tell me that I’m a bad person for having a crush on someone who isn’t my partner, but that seemed to just give it more power. Accepting that I will notice things about other people that attract me helped me a lot with quieting the obsessions I have had (and to some extent still have) about other “potential partners”. You are not a bad person for having normal human attraction. As long as you live, you will likely encounter people you are attracted to. Being in a relationship doesn’t just shut that part of your brain off, nor does it do that for anyone. You may have some things you genuinely don’t like about your relationship , and wanting to break up wouldn’t make you a bad person either, but don’t make a decision if it feels like you have to make one right in this instance or everything will fall apart, because that’s your anxiety taking control .

AnonymousCat

Date posted: 6d

This guy has some really good content for ocd if you haven’t heard of him: https://youtube.com/@ocdandanxiety?si=0wt0HKR1rkJ-SqMj

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