- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I’ve found it helpful to write down all of these feelings and share it with your mom, or maybe even show her this post. Growing up, my Dad was never good at showing affection, so whenever I felt depressed and as though he didn’t love me or wasn’t proud of me or whatever, I wrote a letter to him to share my feelings. For me, it’s much easier to do it that way than to try to talk about it. In fact, that’s typically how I address any issues that might arise in any of my relationships (including mom, brother, husband, etc.). Also, from what I’ve heard (since I can’t speak from personal experience as a mother), apparently mothers are able to understand and sense how much their children love them even if their kids don’t show it. So she probably senses how much you love her and understands that you’re going through a tough time, so that’s probably why she reached out to you, in addition to the love she has for you. Please keep me updated! ?
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, thanks for the comment :) i would like to try this! The only thing in my way is that i cant handle the reaction from her. Im 1000% sure shes gonna cry and come up to me and like hug me and all thst but i dont want that i because then ik gonna cry and thats so akward lol. I just want her to accept the letter and know my feelings and i want everythig to be just normal. So idk even i would write that down too i think she would still come up to me about it...
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdgirlsummer So...anytime I’ve done this, I’ve left the letter for the person to find and read while I’m not around them. And you can write whatever you want in the letter, so you could also include everything that you just wrote in your post about wanting her to read it when your not around and that’s it’s ok if she cries but you would feel awkward if she did it in front of you and hugged you, and that you’d prefer for everything to be normal afterwards. It’s your letter to her, so you can write what you want, provide it to her in the best way that works for her, and provide her guidance in regards to handle this matter when she’s around you. Good luck!
- Date posted
- 5y
@Beth823 Thanks for supporting, i would love to do it. I think it would takensome time for me to commit to it but i gotta try, it seems like the best option to get it off my chest to her! Thanks for the tip :)
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdgirlsummer No problem! Also, if you have perfectionism OCD (which I do) it might be better to just share what you wrote here (copy and paste or take screenshots). Otherwise, I’m worried that writing the letter might take too long or is never good enough and then it ends up never happening (I’m definitely speaking from personal experience). Please let me know how it works out!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I had like a really bad argument with my mom basically about her complaining about my “attitude” and “constant arrogance” like okay firstly 😭 yes i do have an attitude and am irritable but im not THAT bad 😭🙏 she was saying that im a “pest” and that “its not enjoyable to live with someone who makes other people miserable” like 😅🧍♀️ oh ☺️ and then i tell her that i know im struggling and that im going to therapy to try to get better and trying to possibly get a diagnosis and she says “your generation just wants something to deal with. You want something to be wrong with you. ‘Trying to get better’ isn’t good enough… would you be able to stand someone like yourself? You’re just choosing this antisocial, narcissistic behaviour and harass everyone… You need to pull yourself together. No matter how much effort we put into you, you will never be happy. You want some medicine? Some diagnosis? Because that will solve everything?” 😭😭😭 and the way she said “some medication”- she sounded so disgusted and appalled and now i feel ashamed… i mean im not officially diagnosed with ocd and it is never my intention to self diagnose- but im sorry its VERY obvious when you have ocd and know of ocd- its so distinct. Everything- the compulsions, reassurance, intrusive thoughts, themes, patterns, perfectionism- but she has me overthinking- what if i dont have ocd 😭 and ive just been lying to myself and everyone maybe its not ocd and im just sick in the head or trying to self sabotage- and especially when my supposed ocd is calm or not as loud i get so anxious “what if i dont have ocd…”
- Date posted
- 21w
Early this morning, my mom and I had a really, really long discussion. We talked about a lot, but it eventually led to me. She said that because of her past relationships, which she feels like involved some sort of power struggle, sometimes if I hug her too often, she gets uncomfortable/anxious. For context, before my parents (mom or dad) go anywhere, I'll say goodbye, I love you, and give them a quick hug or two. Even if I'm just going upstairs or walking away from a conversation! I've done this since I was little. It might've been a compulsion back then, but it's just habit now. But a couple of months ago, when I was in a really dark place due to OCD, I'd give my mom really long hugs because I just wanted comfort during that point in time. Unfortunately, it ended up stressing my mom out, and she pushed me away once and said it was weird or uncomfortable when I hugged her because it didn't feel genuine. That really hurt to be rejected like that, and then later, my sister told me my mom complained about me in the car about how it felt like I was draining the energy from her and annoying. Which... That hurt, too. But I mainly felt guilt because that wasn't my intention at all, and I've since tried my best not to hug her as often. So when she brought it up again today, she said she feels like she's experiencing a power struggle with me and that when I was younger, she said she felt like everything had to be on my terms. The context behind that is due to me being a really anxious child (and baby). I'd wake her up because I'd get really bad anxiety at night and panic, and she said it was really exhausting and that she's never known what to do with me. Then she went on to tell me really private details about my father and hers marriage (they've been divorced since I was little), and how that's affected her, and I just felt really uncomfortable. Like I want to be respect her boundaries, and I don't want to make her uncomfortable, but... I don't know what to do with all of this...? I didn't need to know those details about her and my father, and I feel really disgusting inside. And also guilty because my dad doesn't know that I know any of these things now, and I'm overwhelmed. I talked to my dad and his girlfriend about it, and I just started crying. I just feel so... Ugh :( They both comforted me, and my dad said that my mom's always struggled with physical affection and that I shouldn't take it personally. But it hurts to be rejected by a parent like that. I've tried the best I can to be understanding and supportive with her, but it just felt like she's seen me as a burden or something unfixable. If you read this far, thank you so much. I'm just really struggling to process this. I felt better after talking with my dad, but once he went to bed and I went back to my room, I just broke down.
- Date posted
- 20w
i’m crying but i don’t deserve to i’ve had this thought before, my mom works and i stay home and clean and homeschool. lately i have not been doing my part and i understand why she’s upset. every time she gets upset with me she cries, and tells me how bad i hurt her. Also every time she’s upset with me, for some pathetic reason my head brings up when she hurt me as a child, she never really admitted to it but i think it’s because she doesn’t want to think about how bad she could’ve hurt me or brother. slowly im starting to realize how bad of a person i am, I’m a procrastinator and im lazy. i had a dream about us arguing, i said awful things, something’s i’ve never said before something’s i have out of anger and then i start crying. I think im a psycho, im crying so hard rn. i want to fix everything, why can’t i be different? in my dream i was mean and aggressive, and it scared me.
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