Rocd please respond

I can’t stop freaking out about this along time ago I saw a weird mark on my husbands chest asked him what it was he said he didn’t know and that it kinda looks like a hicky and asked if I gave him one I didn’t remember giving him one though and ever since then i been scared thinking the worst what else could it be ??? And how do I not worry he has sworn to GOD And on the Bible that he’s never cheated several times something I have him do I know it’s not right but it’s the only thing that helps for a bit he’s starting to get mad every time I bring it up it was almost 2 years ago when we where engaged but it really messes with my mind whenever that pops in my head and there was a girl that would try to hit on him I thought at least while in front of me even though he doesn’t pick up on signs that lived at our apartment complex that we stayed in for a year while I was pregnant with our son I can’t bare to think he would do anything to betray my trust and I really wanna believe him but there was also a time a random girl messaged him one he used to hang out with several years before we met saying hi he never responded and even blocked her for me too around that time I tried bringing her up worrying what if what if what if recently he got mad because he’s tired of constant questions about his loyalty and having to swear to GOD He’s very religious too so I understand it annoys him and maybe even feels disrespectful but when I recently brought her up and asked him if they used to be intimate because he said he only went on a few dates he said none of your business I feel like I have the right to know though like why is she messaging him randomly I mean yeah he never responded but what if he deleted messages on Fb what if what if what if but he eventually told he that he never did anything with her which would have been 11 years ago before we had met and I guess it doesn’t matter but seriously why message him???? I don’t know all of this really scares me and I worry what if he’s not telling me something even though he doesn’t believe in swearing to GOD and on the BIBLE if it’s not true has anyone else experienced this and is there hope where I can fully trust and not be scared all the time

livlafluv

Date posted: 6d

im sorry youre struggling so much with this but i get it! unfortunately you have to learn to sit with the discomfort. constantly seeking reassurance will only make things worse for both of you. it will make your ocd worse because you are continuing to feed the cycle and engage in compulsions, and it is not healthy for your relationship for your partner to reassure you constantly. i’ve experienced this with several different people and i understand how much you want to be able to fully trust and not be scared, but you have to accept the uncertainty. this disorder makes you uncertain and makes you scared and feeds off of you engaging with that. are you in therapy or anything? i think that could really help you work through this. much love i get how hard it is!!

MR.25.25

Date posted: 6d

@livlafluv Thankyou ! Yes I just started and we have talked about marriage counseling too I feel bad because he’s a very amazing man but it’s starting to get to be too much for him which I understand I would probably have lost my mind a long time ago if it was me on the other end so how he’s lasted this long is amazing really and that he’s still married me I’m starting to get ready to see a psychiatrist too I noticed this is worse from lack of sleep I never sleep and have trouble with getting a appetite I’m hoping all that will help it’s just really hard being alone in my head

livlafluv

Date posted: 6d

@MR.25.25 yes it’s good to be able to appreciate him and recognize that this might also be hard for him! but try not to be too hard on yourself and just focus on doing better in the future with therapy and all. i understand it feels so isolating but you truly are not alone! i went through a really bad episode recently and wasn’t eating or sleeping, but things can get better especially if you’re pursuing treatment.

MR.25.25

Date posted: 6d

@livlafluv Thankyou I’m really scared sometimes that I’m just too broken and may never be happy and genuinely enjoy life with my husband and children that I will never be productive or trust and feel confident or motivated it really sucks I’m hoping and praying this therapy works and getting on medication helps I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired and feeling miserable 😭

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