Please reply

@Generiname I am asking for reassurance because I don’t have a therapist and I’m just struggling to deal with this alone 🙁

@lu22 I know, and it sucks. It really does. But asking for reassurance here is against the rules and can get your posts reported. Instead, you need to learn how to sit with this awful discomfort. As hard as it may be. You are not as awful as your OCD makes you out to be. You simply have OCD

@Pravin Hi there, I’ve replied to some comments above explaining what’s happening^ I don’t currently have a therapist and it’s very difficult to deal with alone

@DadwithOCD Last night I was laying in bed unable to sleep and I heard someone walking outside my room. I’ve been having an ocd flare up recently but last night I randomly started having thoughts about stabbing my mum and I was laying there and I started playing out the scenario in my head imagining it and I kept imagining it and I don’t know why but it felt like I wanted it or as if I was ‘planning to be evil’ by imagining these scenarios because if I don’t like it why would I keep imagining it and almost feel like I wanted to imagine it and it just felt really real and I didn’t feel anything at first but I started getting anxiety but then I was thinking what if it’s adrenaline and I’m evil I couldn’t distinguish which one it was and I suddenly felt like I had to go toilet from that feeling and I started crying and I was like ‘shaking/shivering’ while I went toilet but at the same time it suddenly felt like I had ‘become evil’ like as if I could suddenly be bad and do that and as if I wanted it I can’t explain it but it almost feels like what if I’m being influenced and now I actually am evil or want to be and I don’t want to be bad but it felt like that and I’m worried and my head makes me feel like ‘you could actually be evil if you decided to’ and it scares me but I don’t even know how I really feel I’ve had this problem for years and I’ve become more numb to it and each time I go through an episode I find it more difficult to understand how I feel as the anxiety isn’t as prominent as it use to be 😕😕 I’ve been feeling down all day but I wanted to try and pick myself up from this depressed state but I feel like if I do it’s as if there is actually something wrong with me and I can’t be happy. Also I just keep feeling this pending horrible doom anxious feeling of ‘you could still decide to be evil and maybe you are and you like it and your just denying your true nature’ it feels as if I’m pretending to be good and even when I tell my mum about it I feel like I’m faking being sad and secretly want to do those things 🙁🙁 I don’t even feel like I deserve to say I’m sad because I feel like I’m faking it and actually am evil and want these things