Religious ocd

Hi, I’m struggling with severe OCD intertwined with religious trauma. I was raised Christian and deeply indoctrinated, and now I’m trying to step away from Christianity, but my brain keeps telling me I’m being punished by God for not believing “correctly.” I’ve experienced manipulation, SA, and abuse by multiple men, including being targeted when I was extremely vulnerable and desperate for love. I carry a lot of shame and self-blame, even though I know logically that I was manipulated. My OCD tells me these things happened because I didn’t pray enough, read the Bible enough, or surrender my life to God properly. I don’t want to be Christian anymore, but I still have intrusive fears about salvation, God hating me, or withholding love from me (like a partner) as punishment. I’m exhausted by religious guilt and constant rumination about Jesus, scripture, and whether I’m “wrong” or unsafe spiritually. I just want peace, safety, and the ability to want love without feeling like I’m being punished by a higher power. I’m looking for help coping with religious OCD, shame, and intrusive belief-based thoughts. (Here is my ocd at the end again, I still believe in God/ I just cannot read the bible or pray or else I feel like I’m doing it wrong, or God must hate me because ALL of my friends are married but i get sexually assaulted bc that’s what my OCD tells me God thinks I deserve) and that I don’t deserve real love. Gods withholding from me because I must have done something wrong or I am not reading my bible.

LAGM

Date posted: 5d

First I want to say that you are extremely brave for posting this and trust me I know what you are going through because I’ve have experienced it myself but let me be very clear God loves you and trust me he is not going to punish you for anything he is a loving merciful father no matter what and yes we don’t deserve his grace upon us but he is an amazing God and hey you don’t have to be Christian the whole concept of christianity is so wrong these days God just wants you all of you so stick to that you don’t have to please anybody but him trust in him and everything else will come around I promise! Those thoughts are not your thoughts and yes is hard I get I know I deal with them everyday just in a different way but keep going hang in there and don’t turn away from him he loves you no matter what!

addyweber

Date posted: 5d

I struggled with not feeling like God loved me. I would try to pray and read the Bible but I felt like I was talking to myself. I'm so sorry that you went through that. I will tell you ocd that dwells on Christianity does get better. It got better for me after a while of hard times mentally. I promise God loves you. He's not punishing you, the world and the people of the world however can be evil. I pray you feel Gods peace and can grow in a relationship with Him where ocd doesn't present itself or at least is more manageable. Dont give up it won't last forever.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5d

I am so sorry that all of that happened to you and I don’t have any good answers for why it happened but what you are looking for, peace, safety, security is found in Jesus. Not the Jesus who you were taught to believe or who OCD tells you he is but the gentle, loving shepherd who says let the little children come to me. You might not be able to relate with that right now and that’s okay. Don’t pressure yourself to have your faith look a certain way right now. Jesus isn’t disappointed with you. If you are looking for some gentle, very love and grace filled resources, check out the Soulspace app. They are so calming and peaceful. I also like to look at pictures on Pinterest of Jesus with someone in a field or with a little child and imagine that’s how he looks at me. I’m so sorry for what you went through and you never should have had to experience that.

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