I’m convinced that all of my friends hate me so that’s great.

me convincing myself that all my devices must simultaneously be hacked and that im being watched though none of them show any signs of them being used by anyone else other than myself 🙃 fun (but also having to sit with uncertainty and not try to interrogate it any further)

I don’t know what to do anymore I made a friend recently in college and was texting her the other night and she mentioned she was doing her nails and I said nice and asked her if I could see. Because I was curious about what she did to them this time around and since then she has not responded to me I apologized to her saying I’m sorry if it bothered her but still nothing. Some of my friends just don’t answer me anymore I feel like I’m a burden of the ones who do still talk me I’m so done with it all. I’m tired of trying to find love as well I feel nothing to it anymore it’s only left me with disappointment and sadness I feel like I’m an unlovable husk of a person and that I would only ever be a bother I cannot fathom the idea of someone loving ME I just can’t I feel like it’s impossible I feel like everything about me bothers people to the point where I think is it even something I should try to achieve anymore. I should honestly block myself from trying to make new friends and relationships I’m so so tired of it. I feel unappreciated and annoyed that I am the one that has to try to keep up any sort of relationship because if I don’t reach out they never will reach out to me the reason I know this is because it’s been proven time after time since middle school that I am nothing to these people and I might as well no longer try. I don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I’m going to be all alone for the rest of my life I’m just so lonely now.

everyone hates us. everyone is moving on without us and we're being led by a lunatic and we're going to suffer the consequences of his irresponsibility while he's still just fucking fine. i hate it. i hate him. no one likes us, no one likes *me*, no one wants me because im useless. im garbage. why *would* any other country take me? i just want out. i just want it to be over. i feel like im cursed