My newly diagnosed 21-year-old daughter refuses to go for help

She was diagnosed with GAD at age 16 and put on Prozac. She’s had her ups and downs but when she started college three years ago, she got significantly worse. I feel like we’ve been on a roller coaster for the past three years. In the last few weeks or so it has become a parent that she really has OCD and probably BDD. My husband and I booked a session with a therapist from here and it was extremely helpful for us to start to learn how to support her and to hopefully come up with a plan to encourage her to get the help. She’s so badly needs. It is so painful as her mom because I’m the one she shares all her obtrusive thoughts with and they can be scary. Also, I’m feeling a lot of guilt because looking back I can see now as a young child that it was OCD, but we always thought it was anxiety because she doesn’t necessarily have compulsions, but her thoughts are obsessive Looking for any advice out there, and we will continue to go to the classes offered by NOCD.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4d

You're doing such an amazing thing looking for how to support your daughter. It's terrifying to think of going for therapy and sharing all the thoughts with someone. Years ago I thought I would take them to my grave. I am newly diagnosed and have been sharing things with my mom about it. She was also the one I went to with my obsessions and she didn't know it was OCD. She said the same thing to me yesterday - that looking back she sees how it could have been OCD but never would've known at the time. I do not blame my mom. If 99% of what I experienced was invisible, and literal mental health professionals couldn't diagnose me - how could the other people in my life have known? According to my understanding/research, OCD is misdiagnosed about 50% of the time because it is so complex and takes on many different forms. I think of it like this: the illness doesn't lie in the themes about which the person is experiencing obsessions - rather, it lies in the patterns which keep that person enslaved to the thoughts. So if someone has obsessions about suicide, they will probably be diagnosed with depression. If they have obsessions and fears about being a pedophile, they may be labeled as a danger, etc. Please keep in mind that I am not trained in this and am only speaking out of my own understanding of my illness. You are doing everything you can as her parent, and whether she appreciates it now or not, she is lucky to have your support and care. My husband doesn't have a super deep understanding of OCD, but unknowingly did an exposure for me the other day which actually really made me laugh. There was a bowl which had had raw chicken (I'm very concerned about salmonella). He washed it and, when he handed it to me I asked him if he had used soap - just to be sure. He looked at me and said in a funny voice "I washed it"... I repeated the question and thought it was funny but also got frustrated. So he answered me "no". In the moment I was laughing at myself because this isn't a highly distressing obsession for me. But I still went back to the sink to wash it. He stopped me, told me he had used soap, and then made me lick the bowl. LOL, I felt impressed by him because this was all intuitive, he's not a therapist.

#Lexiriri

Date posted: 3d

Your daughter is 21, she is an adult. Let her dictate and have autonomy over her healing journey, it’s hers not yours. There is a fine line between supporting someone and steam rolling over their boundaries and autonomy over the situation. If you force her into therapy when she doesn’t want to go, if you pressure her into going when she doesn’t want to go, you aren’t going to help her your going to make her shut down. Listen to her, actually listen to her and hearing her not just listening to respond. Listen to what she wants and how she wants to work through this. She’s your child, but she is not a child. Give her that respect, that’s how you support her.

kj38805

Date posted: 3d

You sound like you care about her very much, I understand why you want her to get help so badly. The best thing you can do is support your loved one though, pressure to do something doesn’t feel good, and it’s often not helpful, it can make the person more resistant to getting help. It’s something they have to decide for themselves, you can only be there for them and love them, ask them how you can support them (using the word support rather than “help” can be good too). Therapy is helpful, but you are also a huge part of her support system, and being there for her in the way she needs will help so much. Sending love to your family. 💗

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