I’m trying to remember if I did something wrong during my late teen years and it’s killing me. They definitely don’t feel like real memories but the OCD is so convincing that it kind of feels like it is? I try to embrace uncertainty but I don’t know how to especially if your themes revolve around harm or other difficult themes.
Our brains don’t like uncertainty. They like to know everything, it’s comfortable to be sure about things. So, even tiny uncertainties can cause you to spiral. But that doesn’t mean that every thought has merit. You can think of boundless bad things that can happen to you or ways you’re a bad person. Doesn’t mean you are. It’s just your brain trying to protect you from uncertainty, of course that doesn’t mean that whatever you’re worried about definitely isn’t true, but it does mean that it’s probably not a serious as you’re making it out to me
@mileskubicki Maybe your right, it could be fight or flight or misfiring signals in my brain telling me there’s danger. But how does one deal with physical sensations as well? I feel like that’s definite proof that I’m a monster but I don’t even want the physical reactions either.
It can take practice to sit with the uncertainty of those really scary thoughts that you have. I have the same issue with real events. Things they I feel genuinely to affect my moral compass but OCD takes a hold of that and runs with it like crazy. Do you have someone to help you with ERP? I think I may have asked you that before but I don't remember your answer.
@BigGyro09 I did and they told me that I can’t work with them anymore because I need a higher level of care such as medication and PTSD therapy but I don’t have the time for either of those and I had HORRIBLE reactions to abilify before. I’m scared because these themes revolve around real event, false memory, harm ocd, and pocd combined.
@Anxious Chao What do you think is best for you? That really difficult but I think what can work is to think about what can work for you one step at a time. It sounds like you don't like the idea of the higher level therapy.
@BigGyro09 I found out something recently that I wasn’t aware of till now but there’s a condition known as post traumatic ocd where rituals, compulsions and checking are all a result of trauma, so even if I did treat the ocd, the ptsd would just make it worse. I think I’m just going to stick to finding a trauma therapist for now but refuse to take meds since the side effects I get from them are not worth it.
@Anxious Chao I'm glad you found out about that. Medication is a very personal choice and if you feel it doesn't help in the long run, that's completely your right and your choice. I really do hope working with a trauma therapist will help you immensely. I do hope you recover from this fully.
Struggling with this as well but more from childhood… it’s the worst theme
@OCDwarrior3 It really is. I keep thinking to myself “what if I thought of something really horrible and agreed with it back in the day and I just don’t remember?” It’s killing me inside, like I will feel unwarranted guilt about something that I don’t know whether or not happened and it’s frustrating that you can’t remember what it was in particular. I hate the harm ocd thoughts
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