Hi all new member here,

Hi all, New member here. Just want to ask if anyone here experienced anything like this. I am known to have anxiety panic attacks since i was teenager. I am now 34. Since about 2015 I have been on different types of antidepressants escitalopram/citalopram until about 2019 then on effexor doses ranging from 37.5 to 150mg modified release. Mostly was on 75mg And was living quite okay life managed to get married had two children everything was okay working traveling and so on Recently back in 2025 October i decided to maybe try different antidepressant which was paroxetine (biggest mistake of my life) So I listened to this doctor and started slow cross taper from 37.5 mg effexor and went all the way to 20mg paroxetine and thats when all hell went loose i thought i literally loosing my mind. At first i thought it was side effects which apparently normally subside but for me everything just was getting worse i completely lost appetite started loosing weight big time And thats when ocd hit me. I believe i always had ocd since teenage days but nothing this major. I remember i was still on 37.5mg effexor and took just 5mg paroxetine with it and i started to get crazy thoughts. But later it grew into some severe thoughts like: Thoughts images alike how for example i hit my child or wife Or thoughts what if this life is not real and i wake up and i have no wife and kids I started to think that my hands and feet feeling not right like scared of them getting bigger or something And list goes on this made me super anxious and panicky i was in constant panic 24/7 We went to er with my wife they did ecg bloods i spoke with doctor they said is severe anxiety which caused this and most likely paroxetine did this therefore i was informed to reduce it slowly and stop also they gave diazepam 2mg which i used very cautiously i break tablet only took 1mg or even less. Not like 2mg three times daily. Fast forward now i am on my fifth day without paroxetine completely my last dose was 5mg I am feeling better i am eating again not in constant panic but i still get these thoughts maybe not that severely but i do. I seen a psychiatrist who advised me that paroxetine induced severe anxiety caused severe ocd and now that its stopped i should be getting better and that its more like memory trauma ocd right now I never ever felt like i felt those days i was super scared i am going crazy i noticed that on higher doses even on effexor for example 150 mg i felt worse then i was on 37.5 therefore i decided to not take any antidepressants anymore at all and just battle this with therapy/reading books /meditation... So i just wanted to ask if anyone here experienced the same i am not seeking for reassurance but i believe knowing someone who went through similar issue would definitely help me mentally. As right now for example i am not even anxious or panicky my blood pressure and pulse okay but i keep getting these stupid thoughts throughout all day constantly. My dr told me to not fight them to just accept and allow For example today i went downstairs to drink some water and my baby boy was there i seen though image like how i hit him and this instantly scares me to the point where i have anxiety spike up. Will this stop will a be able to live my live normaly again :( Kind regards and best wishes to everyone here