He is our strength and shield 💙

Love this!!

Amen!!

Amen 🤍🕊️

i have always been a devoted christian and scripture reader, but i recently found out i have ROCD BAD, and i realized i need to re-learn my God lens, because i've had the wrong view of things. im so hard on myself and afraid to make mistakes ESPECIALLY with romantic relationships because i've been through so many of them, trying to do them "right" to avoid regrets, and none have worked out because i always felt like the guys just weren't enough for me. all of them loved me deeply and would do anything for me, so i have this sense of i can really get anyone i want --- that's why choosing feels so hard. i recently graduated college, ended my college tennis career, and started work all at the same time as re-meeting this guy i met a year prior and we started dating. so a lot of change at once. we talked about marriage very early on because we're both christian's and have the same viewpoints on dating and think it's very serious commitment / we won't do it without marriage being the goal. but then all the sudden i came under this cloud of panic , anxiety, loud voices saying things about him or us, fear, and distortions. i thought it was God calling me out of it, as i had followed similar feelings in the past when it was time to leave a relationship. but i never regretted leaving any of those or looked back. but now i get hit with waves of thinking of exes just to compare how i used to feel (not becausehave feelings for them). i look back and see glimpses of OCD affecting areas of my life and my love life, but it's never been this bad. this has seriously thrown me into a pit and caused me to re evaluate everything, including my faith which has always been my strongest asset. my point here is, i used to be in the word every day and would ultimately feel filled and reassured by it. i love diving into scripture and learning. but now i have anxiety attatched to it, scared that im ignoring signs of what i need to do (break up) and not doing them, therefore i wont receive that comfort i used to until i do. this seeps into other areas aswell. scared to go to community bible study out of fear i will meet a "better, smarter christian man". it's horrible, sad, isolating. i love and respect my boyfriend more than i ever have anyone. his character is outstanding and he treats me amazing. he is supportive, has a growth mindset, has his head on his shoulders, financially smart and stable, loves and wants kids, etc. yet all i can do is focus on flaws (he's not smart enough for me, he won't ever understand me because of that. also so many other distortions that i personally struggle with and project). i obsess about being understood because of how complex i am, and i had never felt understood growing up. he is so certain about me, and i just want to feel the same way. how can i find comfort in Gods word amidst this confusion and guilty conscience?

Often we look to the Bible to find information and direction for ourselves, we want the good “feelings”, but as anyone with OCD knows our feelings can be fickle. Ultimately, Scripture is not about us, but what Christ has done for us. When you go into Scripture- approach with the lens of learning about God not trying to find out what your personal message of the day is. We can fall into the trap of mystical thinking and reading between the lines. Have you shared your OCD struggles with your boyfriend? Have you allowed yourself to sit with the thoughts and discomfort? -What if he doesn’t understand me? Instead of panic- let the thought sit- What if he doesn’t understand me? He probably won’t in some capacity and that’s okay. He probably won’t and I’m sure there are things about him I won’t understand. What if I’m not with the right person? Sit with it, challenge it… but what if I am with the right person. Also, our OCD brains want perfection. There is no perfect human being, perfect relationship, or perfect spouse…. But, there are some really good ones. If you struggle with Perfectionism OCD- you might expect them to understand your Perfectionist mindset and think they just don’t get it or you, when in reality we’re the ones not making any sense. I think I’m beginning to understand that always feeling misunderstood is OCD, too. OCD has touched so many areas and at times we demand (speaking from experience) that others should get it, too, see our reasoning, and follow along and we’re hurt and frustrated when they don’t.