Alienation/Long Vent + Positive Note at end

My OCD, anxiety and all of my other mental stuff that I have no idea what is makes me feel so alone and like an alien- this morning I felt pretty decent and as if I could go through the day with passing colors and now I'm curled up in my messy bedroom crying and feeling non-human . Quite dissociated . Subtypes are stressing me out more. Health OCD are making me believe I'm going to lose all my hair and especially since my scalp and face is pretty scared up at the current moment due to picking and that I'll go blind and lose all my limbs with cancer, + be deaf (?? That's a lot OCD...) Real Event OCD is making me feel super sick, Existential OCD is making me believe that nothing matters especially since my grades are sort of behind and I feel stupid, and that I'm so exhausted by everything I feel like the future is too much work + worrying about the time and all . ROCD is making me second guess my friendship and making me believe everyone hates me due to many reasons and I'm wondering if it's even OCD or I do feel this way genuinely, and other subtypes are just at me . (POCD, Catastrophic OCD, other odd ones you name it.) --- Social anxiety sucked today and will suck more tomorrow and forward since I just can't talk normally, not even with my main/only friend group- legitimately only my family really I can be comfortable with them and be 100% myself personality wise and all.. (Or with other exceptions,) Otherwise my voice tone is off, I stutter, and I suck at doing conversations/try too hard . & I'm just so awkward and clumsy and everything..! I have to mask many times and overall anxiety is just eating me alive . --- I feel like I'm cosplaying a human . Not being one. my only comfort at this point is just escaping in my mind (possible malidaptive daydreaming, since I daydream 24/7 and it messes with my perspective of the real life at times- it's gotten pretty severe) and being alone with my comfort stuff . I feel safe that way and it does help me, I just hate the real world sometimes. :,,,( I go from feeling super optimistic and almost unstoppable not even a few hours ago and the next the exact opposite . My mind hurts from my weird mood switches it makes me confused on what I'm really feeling. ~💜POSITIVE NOTE💚~ To end this vent, I do want to add some good to it . : ) Despite all of this, I did diminish some of my procrastination and finished some slides for a presentation, planned a list on what assignments to complete tomorrow, and I have given myself some slack . I have been trying to be more productive. I'm trying my hardest to be patient on myself, it isn't my fault, I know that- it's my mind that's causing all of the stress . I'll still continue to try and I'm going to continue to try and stay with the uncertainty. Uncertainty is key, I know that as well, but I still wanted to vent since I just feel so hopeless and stressed to the core . I hope everyone has a wonderful night . 🌜✨️ If you are struggling as well, I'm so sorry . I hope the next day is more relaxing and easy on you, you are not alone . <3 I care for you fellow strangers on this app, you guys are amazing and worth it.