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I am so sorry to hear about your struggle. :(:(OCD is so hard to deal with. I am a big fan of ERP therapy. That can really help with the handwashing and a lot of other things. You can get ERP therapy through NOCD, as well as other places. The handwashing is a safety behavior. The OCD tells us that the germs are "dangerous", and so we naturally want to do something to FIX the situation. Therefore, the handwashing is a compulsion designed to FIX danger presented by OCD. In ERP therapy (and maybe other therapies as well), we get training of how to face our fears. And we have to put ourselves in a position to be triggered on purpose--and then refuse to engage in the compulsion. This means that when your hands feel dirty by touching a door knob, for example, you would practice refusing to do anything to fix the situation (including washing your hands). There are a lot more components to this. And there is a lot to talk about here! OCD is tricky, though, because it makes the stakes so high. The OCD does not encourage us to take risks, because the price of disobeying the OCD rules is usually some catastrophic disaster. For example, for most people, the risk of touching a door knob is low. They figure they probably won't get sick. And if they do happen to get sick, they know it will be okay. But for someone with OCD, the risk of touching a door knob is catastrophic. It might be be the death of your parents or someone you love--and the OCD says it would be all your fault. OCD makes the risks so high, that people dare not break the rules. (The "rules" are things like handwashing, and so on.) It usually takes time for us to understand that OCD is not our friend. OCD is like a little gremlin who is trying to steal our lives away. And OCD is a master manipulator. Thankfully, OCD uses the same strategies on everyone. Once you learn how OCD works, you can learn tools in order to defeat it.!! Yes, you can defeat the handwashing!!!! it will take a lot of time and a lot of practice. And it will take a lot of learning of new information. But you can do it.!!! I am here to support you anytime if you have any questions. I love to talk to people on this app. Do you have any options for therapy or to learn more about the OCD? I also recommend this online class in ERP therapy. In this way, you can learn ERP from the comfort of your own home. It might not be the best option for everybody, but I'll post it in case. https://www.ocd-anxiety.com/ Let me know your thoughts !! I hate to see people suffering the way that you are suffering:(:( OCD can make life so hard