In denial or hocd? I DONT KNOW I LITERALLY CAN NOT TELL WHAT IS REAL OR NOT AND IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND

I don't know! I first had hocd as an 11 year old! What if back then I was actually gay and just suppressed it because I was scared!!! I've different themes since I was six, but this one feels the most convincing! I have a gay sibling and that seems like proof to me.

@hateocd123 I feel like you could still have it being little. Because if you weren’t sure then either and didn’t like the thought of it then I feel like it easily could be ocd starting. But I understand. It is so convincing it makes me sick

And I want to and am trying it is just so damn hard ha. It is in my mind alllllll day. I don’t think it ever stops for a second

@hateocd123 Look at the facts! That's what my therapist told me! What's real? Did I ever had gay intercourse in a considerable age? Did I ever fell in love with someone from the same sex? Even if I did which of the relations had the biggest impact on me? The hetero? Or the gay ones? Those answers are the proof for your heterosexuality! Really think about them

@Mimi123 I hooked up with a girl drunk when I was 22 and it’s been so rough on me because I see it as my proof along with other things like being interested in lesbian couples ig pages to making out drunk with my friends to looking at the girls on tinder as curiosity years and years ago to orange is the new black making me feel so uncomfortable I couldn’t watch it anymore even before hocd to a lesbian hitting on me when I was drunk and I liked it. The drunk hook up was fun and I liked it but the way I felt for two weeks after was disgusted and awkward and grossed out by myself. I never craved for that experience ever again. And hocd hit me and I can’t stop thinking about all of this shit. I’ve been only in love with guys my whole life with just thinking girls were pretty and the drunk stupid crazy stuff. Sorry I’m rambling. I just never ever thought of myself into girls. Ever ever ever and now it’s all I think about for the last few months. I’m scared it’s ruining my relationship with my bf and I’m gonna have to leave him for a girl. I’m miserable. And I feel like I have so much proof that points to me being gay but I never ever thought about it or myself as anything other than straight. Except when I joked about me being a lesbian cuz I hooked up with the girl but I was so confident in myself that I joked about it. Ugh I’m sad

@Ocdandme123 I’m 24 btw

@Ocdandme123 You've shown the facts! You didn't even felt anything with the experience and you have a boyfriend you love that's a proof that's real material! Now do you have any girl that you might even consider having the same thing you have with your boyfriend? The answer is probably no! So you're not gay! Nobody who was gay would loose more than 8 hours of their day thinking they are gay or if they might be! That's clearly an obsession and you need to face the reality and not be afraid to look at girls and think their pretty

@Mimi123 Thank you that helps! I think my depression and sadness just has numbed me and my feelings for everything including my bf have came to an emotionless halt and that scares me more that I don’t love him and the hocd is real. It’s so scary. Ocd is a bitch

Any tips on how to stop thinking about it?

Sorry to butt in but it is possible for a gay person to obsess over if they are straight or a bisexual person to obsess over how much they like each gender. I’m not saying the original poster is, but it’s not just straight people obsessing over if they are gay. Yes Homosexual OCD is if your gay, but Sexual Orientation OCD is everything and HOCD and SO-OCD are in the same category. So please don’t say it’s only for straight people.

@Mimi123 Great point. Never thought of that. As much training as I have had. It’s like reassurance but it’s not. It’s sitting with the facts and not letting doubt be a part of it. Try meditation with the facts/happy feelings of what truly makes you feel good inside. Obviously, the intrusive thoughts do not ? I do a lot of meditation with exposure therapy. Go get it ✊?

I was seeing a therapist but was getting nowhere because I knew I needed treatment and something more serious but I’ve been having a hard time finding that. Erp and cbt and ocd specialist

I know but if you're probably more than 18 years old and you never felt the urge to be with girls before than your not gay! Your just on ocd

@Mimi123 For a while in my late teens, trying to make sense of my childhood experience I identified as bisexual. There weren't any girls I liked, but I tried to like one of my friends who is bi and it was kind of exciting for about a day before I was like nah I just think she's cool as a friend (I didn't have hocd at this point). I went months and months without ever thinking about this and met my boyfriend after then. Now my brain will not let go of the fact that I even considered feelings for her. It says that's proof. Also I don't watch porn, but I did once when I was 14 and I stumbled on some one person videos (girl) that turned me on and have been burned into my for years now. After writing all of this it feels like everything I'm saying is a lie and that I'm in denial.

@hateocd123 Burned into my brain*

@hateocd123 It's perfectly normal to be excited about things that involve sex! Sex is sex! We always looks at our arouses as if they point out our sexuality, but that's not true! Sometimes you feel aroused because of the sensations things transmit, sometimes because you imagine what would it be like with me, sometimes for no reason! Let me ask you, do you know some people during sex like to pretend their being rapped? Does that mean you actually want to be rapped in reality?? Nobody wants to be rapped but still that's a fantasie in bed!! Our fantasies are not what defines us! They are just thoughts and they can change!! Believe me

@Mimi123 I meant excited as in mentally excited not sexually, but your point still stands :)

@hateocd123 I'm really happy to hear that! We're all together in this fight!!