Feeling Responsible For This Girl

@Doglover93 Thank you for this. It’s because she told me yesterday that she would text me and I haven’t heard from her since. For context, she had arrived at her sisters house and the whole point of the visit was because her sister had a worry about their brother. And our last talk was a phone call about how it might be better to stop communicating because she doesn’t want to hurt me and I sometimes overwhelm her when I remind her how much she means to me. I feel so empty and scared. I ended up writing a goodbye message tonight and thanking her for everything. My heart hurts. It hurts when she’s not in my life and it hurts when she is because I can’t tell her how much I love her. I’m really going through it. She’s told me that her life is a mess and she feels very overwhelmed and that she’s been drinking her feelings away. I feel so responsible to fix it

@Andrew Villarreal I'm so sorry this is so hard. She should count herself lucky that someone cares about her like you do. If it didn't work with her, would you consider a relationship with someone else?

@Tea and Honey Of course, I would love to meet a girl who makes me feel like I’m enough. I still haven’t heard anything from her and I already said my goodbyes to her. I just wrote her that I’m noticing that I’m just always worried and nothing I do seems to fix any of it. I overwhelm her and I know that because of this sense of responsibility for her that I have, it will continue to be so. I’m scared that she’s hurt and I have no way of knowing if she is or just decided to cut me off her life without telling me. I feel sick at times thinking about it but I’m to a point where I am so emotionally exhausted. She means the world to me and I hate not being able to protect her. No matter my intentions, she gets overwhelmed by it and I feel trapped. I’m just at a point where I feel defeated

@Andrew Villarreal It could be that your Responsibility OCD is making you exhausted. I totally understand. OCD is very draining. It sounds like you have a big heart and you will be wonderful for someone in the future. All girls love to have someone care about them like that. Right now the OCD is torturing you. And you need to be free of it, so that you can live the life you want to live. This is where ERP therapy comes in. I am a huge fan of ERP therapy. A lot of times, the other therapies don't work. And sometimes people will suffer for decades with their OCD before they get the proper treatment. But once they start ERP, most people get on path to recovery. This could help relieve the burden that you feel.

@Tea and Honey I don’t know how not to worry for her. This has only happened with one other girl after years of being depended on, I instilled a responsibility that was beyond my control because I felt like it was my job to take all the baggage she had. And fast forward now with this girl, it’s the same. I’m in love with her and I’m just really sad at the moment. I love really hard and if a girl I like reciprocates that, it’s hard for me not to be this protector. Her voice alone heals a thousand of my wounds. I’m lost without her

@Andrew Villarreal That makes a lot of sense. I hear you. I have experienced a lot of responsibility or my son. He had cancer when he was younger, and that still has an effect on my psychology. I get so worried about what he's doing in his athletics and where he's going to go to college. I've been finding comfort in the complete sovereignty of God, over my mistakes and over everyone's decisions in life. I want to trust that God will accomplish his purposes, working through even sins and mistakes, to bring about the greatest good. And God has a good plans for you, to bring about a good relationship in his timing. If you haven't had the answers to your prayers yet, it's because it isn't his timing yet. But God's timing is always best. I've been finding a lot of encouragement about topics like this from certain people on Instagram. Here's one person I have followed https://www.instagram.com/reel/DNgnG8qJEnt/?igsh=MTJxbW40cDc2bDY3Mw==

@Tea and Honey I’m so sorry to hear about your son. I know God is working in you to be able to be the best parent you can possibly be. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have that much worry. It’s hard trusting God. Every time I ask him to show me the path, it all leads to me leaving her life and it hurts so bad. I can’t imagine a life without her. She’s my everything, even if I’m not hers. I wish I didn’t have these strong emotions but I feel things 100x more than normal.

@Andrew Villarreal I hear you. I'm praying

@Andrew Villarreal For what it’s worth, I felt the exact same way as you about a boy I met in college. I fell absolutely head over heels for him and felt sure he was the one. 3 and a half months later, he told me he lost passion and felt overwhelmed that I’d do anything for him in a way he couldn’t match. I was devastated. I was 20. One of the absolute lowest points in my life. I researched nonstop about “how to get my ex back.” I even bought “The magic of making up” by a breakup coach. I had to accept it wouldn’t happen, but it took 2 years to slowly heal from that 3 and a half month relationship. Then, I fell in love with someone new, but then I decided he wasn’t good for me and ended it after 9 months. So it felt like I had a fresh slate after that. So fast forward age 25 (2 and a half years later), I met the love of my life. And now I am turning 33. He’s perfect for me. Anyhow, I’m friends with that boy on Facebook and with my evolved wisdom, I know he wouldn’t have been the right kind of person for me regardless, and it’s funny to think of the fact that I was so obsessed with him at one point. So point being, I know that if I could overcome that heartbreak that felt like it destroyed me and be where I am now, you will make it too my friend. It gets better—I promise. Do not despair.

@Doglover93 This made me smile and gave me hope thank you🤍. I’m 26 turning 27 this year and I notice that I really love hard and I’m just really tired of failing at love. I have to constantly remind myself that there is nothing wrong with me and that I am lovable and God has a woman for me in my life. I thought this girl would be my forever home because of our lengthy history, even as friends. I just wish I could fix her heart and show her that she’s lovable. If she saw herself the way I see her, she would be so proud of herself. I fell in love with her the moment I met her and it’s never like that for me. Hearing her voice was like listening to angels singing and her giggle and laugh when she would make fun of me (in a banter way) would make me smile so big. Unfortunately her trauma isn’t healed and I have spent a good amount of emotional energy trying to support her. She told me that she can’t be commited and she just wants to be able to mess around with whoever, whenever. Sometimes I get angry with that mindset but I move on because I know that she just wasn’t the one

@Andrew Villarreal I’m very happy you are able to see it this way and understand that she was not the one. Since I was 20 (just turned 20 in fact), I hadn’t met enough people to truly believe there were other people out there. Every heartbreak is different but the universal truth is falling head over heels in love and not receiving that love in return is something that you only “get” if you’ve been there. Stay strong—you got this 💪 ❤️‍🩹

@Andrew Villarreal Someone also told me that if you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right person.

@Doglover93 It just hurts so much because it feels like I’m not enough for her. She tells me everything we had at one point in time was real but then does the opposite. It’s hard for me to believe she genuinely loved me and it hurts my heart because this is the 2nd time I lose her. I’m really upset from this whole situation

@Doglover93 That is such a great way to think of it. I’m a provider and protector. I need to be needed in order to be happy and when I meet a woman that loves me for me and relies on me, I will go to hell and back for her. Women are natural nurturers and I love and want to be able to stop being this big strong guy at the end of the day and just be babied by the woman who loves me