I fear that oh god what if I have pedophile disorder and not ocd because my mind thinks because of this feeling I have in my chest and my pushin and saying no I fear what if that meant I was hiding an actual attraction and it’s fuckin scaring me like I’d rather die then to have that be true I don’t feel attracted but why does my mind think I do when I didn’t feel excited or pleasure
Leo you’re not alone. I’m experiencing SO-OCD with extremely vivid sintrusive thoughts. The despair that’s being experienced is a reflection of who we really are.
OCD will do whatever it can and tell you whatever it needs to to stay alive, if you truly were what you fear you likely wouldn’t be repulsed by your feelings, and you wouldn’t be actively in therapy trying to find a way to help the situation
@someonesomewhere <3 But now my ocd is takin that and switching it like “oh ur in therapy cause u have this attraction u wanna get rid of” and I say no and feel so worried😕
I was in that same headspace in 2020. Eventually the non-engagement response that helped me with all those same questions you're asking now was "I don't know," and then moving onto something in the real world
But uh, yeah. I would also describe that place I was in as my lowest. I hope to never go back there.
hi! new to this and it’s my first reply so hope i’m doing this right ! firstly you’re very brave to talk to people when in need of help! i’ve had ocd in many forms including this one since i was a little girl. ocd usually goes off what you fear, your morals, what you absolutely don’t want to be. going by stereotypical ocd - people fear deeply being dirty so obsessively clean - when really it’s not dirty at all; and they’re the probably the least likely to even be dirty with how much they worry about it ! and the same with things like “if i step on the crack (something awful) happens ! “ - it’s the thing that they’re so scared of, and again theyre like the last person to be doing something like that. your fear and panic over it truly represents that you’re not any of those things ! to be so worried and disturbed about being horrible implies you’re the complete opposite! i don’t think someone who was actually those things would worry about it in that way - ocd lies, and it goes off what scares you the most - if for you that’s pedophilia , it means you are far from that!
@user619 Thx man also right now oh god it’s kicking in overdrive cause I worry these words I hear “I’m attracted” even while sayin no is scarin the hell outta me like i don’t want to believe it idk if it’s intrusive words, and I fear wat if there my real attraction it’s freakin me out like I feel so much pain I don’t want to believe that I’ve went down that path I didn’t find them attractive when I hear that word while seeing a kid it fuckin freaks me out like I can’t let go I try to find answers
@Leooo yes it’s intrusive words and more intrusive thoughts ! if there’s a way for us to text here i’d love to talk 💕 i find that responding to it just & finding answers makes it thrive more , it’s a mental compulsion! i have many experiences like this i could share and it might make you feel less alone (?) also, joy division profile pic is so cool !
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