I can't beat this stupid thing (Hocd)

Have had this for way to long and now it's to the point where I can "manage" still there a screwing over my life in many ways but bearable most of the time. However when it hits it hits hard and nonstop. Like right now these feelings and thoughts and sensations I'm getting rn feel extremely real and feels 100 percent, I'm not allowed to be uncertain anymore maybe maybe not doesn't work because it feels 100 percent tire. With the thoughts and feelings I feel "gay" like this is who I am and the urge to just accept it, not the presence but fully accept being gay. And I'm trying to do all the erp and saying"oh I love these feelings and thoughts" "these feelings and thoughts and sensations can be here for as long as it wants, imma let it do its thing" or my erp quotes "these feelings are uncomfortable but not dangerous" and I know goals is to let it do its thing and sit with it for as long as possible but I get huperfocused and again they feel so real like it has meaning to it so I end up repeating erp quotes 100s of times. Idk what to do.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

Are you doing ERP on your own or with a trained OCD therapist?

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

Um was with a therapist but she quit a while back so I have the erp response quotes on my thing but than added on from people who recommend this

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

@Anonymous Are you willing to begin ERP therapy with a trained OCD therapist? NOCD can set you up with one.

LeadZeppelin

Date posted: 18h

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this, what you’re describing sounds incredibly distressing, and you’re not weak or broken for feeling this way. When OCD hits, the thoughts and sensations can feel 100% real, but that doesn’t mean they reflect who you are; it means your brain is stuck in an OCD loop. You’re doing something brave by trying ERP, and it makes sense that repeating phrases feels necessary. That’s the anxiety talking, not failure. You deserve support with this, and an OCD-informed therapist can really help guide ERP so it feels less overwhelming. You’re not alone in this, and this doesn’t define you.

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

Do you think there is a better way to respond to this? Like do I do erp for my situation

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

let me tell you - You can't build a shelter when storm is already ON. Do your gradual ERP work when you are totally calm, Real ERP rewiring will happen then otherwise if you try to do it only in 💯 level scenarios you will lose confidence You need to do small ERP when you are totally calm I.e Building the shelter when sun is shining

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

Ohh I see, ok my fault so how does one deal with my situation right now where feelings and sensations and thoughts feel 10/10 and true? How do I deal with this, according to Claude ai. It says to just saying"ok these feelings and thoughts make me feel gay, moving on" and like do something physical or something to distract yourself

ChaseRM

Date posted: 17h

I'm in a very similar place with gender OCD (and the connected SO-OCD around *not* being gay, as I'm a gay man). I have also been doing just self-guided ERP, and the "maybe, maybe not" is just starting to sound like syllables to me, & accepting the thoughts to "desensitize" myself is instead just making them feel more "true." I think the mistake I made was not building a hierarchy first to start small — I went for the biggest stuff right away so my anxiety never got a chance to fully "come down." I'm starting therapy soon so that'll be something I know we'll work on, but if you're gonna be doing it on your own, you might wanna look into building a hierarchy of least-to-most distressing thoughts and triggers and starting from the bottom (like building a pyramid).

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