AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I. AM. IN. MISERY. I have NOT slept for the past week, this lab is past due (like almost 4 days LATE) in an AP class I'm in + poster and I did the math completey wrong. I promise I am trying but I am SO tired. And because I haven't slept, my OCD has amplified like CRAZY and I feel like I'm hallucinating.. TOT💔 SOS. I'm behind in my other classes as well arghh. I feel so stressed both with OCD/mental stuff and school and I'm scared that my teachers think I'm just being lazy. My head hurts, my eyes hurts, I'm trembling from exhaustion, no OCD I did not need to know THAT... just let.. me... rest... 😵‍💫 But- ehm, anyways, am going to take a 10 minute nap until I have to get ready for school. Sigh. :,^) (Darn you procrastination)

tedlassoenjo...

Date posted: 3d

I am so sorry you’re going through that! It sounds like a really difficult situation but I believe in your ability to do what you need to do to take care of yourself in this challenging moment

VVbee

Date posted: 3d

Thank you..! <:,) it wouldn't necessarily be an issue to others, or at least a *major* issue. But to me it is since I hate confrontation and being seeing as irresponsible by teachers or others, I've lost a lot of sleep to where it's now affecting my physical health and I'm beginning to actually hallucinate now. Still no progress though, so that's what is really frustrating me. + I forgot to bring something important along with the class I'm struggling with as well and this morning didn't come at a great start... so it's just- aghh. And as said, OCD is pretty severe at the current moment so that doesn't help whatsoever. 😵‍💫 Thank you again for the kind words tho, I will try my best to get to where I want to be at..! 🙇‍♀️ (despite the stress)

pureolife

Date posted: 3d

Sounds like you have way too much on your plate. It sounds like you’re in AP classes so maybe it’s safe to assume you’re a high achiever and maybe a bit of a perfectionist? I am wondering if there’s a little bit of slack here to give to yourself that you’re just not giving because you want to do everything right all the time. Maybe you could talk to your teachers about any overdo assignments and ask for an extension. Maybe you could allow yourself to be a little late and behind for a second, knowing you’ll eventually catch up. Maybe you can be okay with a slightly lower grade in a class that matters less to you. Just throwing out ideas. Stop worrying about what your teachers think and start taking care of yourself. How can you get a full nights sleep? That alone will make this less overwhelming.

VVbee

Date posted: 3d

First of all, thank you for this response. I do believe I need to rest, I am extremely burned out ahah. <:,) But to respond overall, I'm not necessarily the "high achiever" in my family, this is my FIRST time in an AP class. I've been in normal classes otherwise and have failed math twice, the rest of my grades are good and my teachers say I'm a good student. There's been times where I've been told I can do even better and I have potential so that just pressures me. And I am a perfectionist..! 100%. But I'm also EXTREMELY forgetful and a big procrastinator so sometimes my family thinks I'm not trying my best. Which I am :^( I really am, and my mental health/OCD isn't something that my family is aware of except my older sis. So I can't really do the mental health "excuse/reason" because then I'm told it's bogus. I also recently got a reward letter saying that I was Bronze in honor roll so I feel like if I just start messing up now I'll definitely fail and the "congratulations" letter was just not true. In summary, I guess I just want to prove everyone that I am really smart and even with my flaws I can get all straight A's and to make everyone proud. 🥹 (But since I'm behind & haven't been performing well recently it's like.. makes me have less motivation.)

pureolife

Date posted: 3d

@VVbee Any chance you have ADHD? The procrastination and forgetfulness make me wonder.

VVbee

Date posted: 3d

@pureolife I'm not sure.. I'm not diagnosed with anything, 😅 (At least officially. I've only been given high concerns by doctors with my OCD/mental health + I have also been keeping eye of myself since I was 8 years old or so.) So I'm not sure why I'm so forgetful- but I have been given concerns of ADHD so that may be the reason, who knows. But you aren't wrong. :^)

pureolife

Date posted: 3d

@VVbee I have it too. So I understand. I’m older now so not in school but I remember how hard it was to tackle so much at once. Id get straight As sometimes and then not others because I just got disorganized and overwhelmed or simply distracted. Regardless of whether your family gets it or not, mental health “excuses” are not bogus and you may have to advocate for yourself and set your own boundaries around what you believe is best for you. In terms of proving yourself, I get why that can feel so important at your age. But here’s the thing: you’re already smart and your family should be proud of how hard you try regardless of if you get straight A’s or not. You’re on the honor roll and that congrats is genuine, you earned it. If you dont get every semester/quarter thats ok. Doesnt make you less smart. Just means other things were going on. Sometimes the things preventing us from reaching some hypothetical potential are reasonable: weve got too much on our plate, our mental health isnt great, etc. But you likely could do better if you had a reasonable workload and more time to attend to your mental health. Give yourself a break. We can’t always be at 100% every day all the time. Life happens. Sounds like you’re trying really hard and doing pretty amazing already. Maybe give yourself some slack.

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