When OCD is properly managed, it can have a big impact on how we connect with the people we’re closest to. Have you noticed changes in your relationships since starting therapy? Share what’s felt different for you.
Yes. Found out I had OCD after 35 years of marriage. We are married now 37 1/2 year. Finally experiencing our best life now! We managed before ERP but not well. I have an amazing wife that hung in there when she didn’t care much about our relationship. Starting to peel back all the OCD shit compulsions and now looking forward to our future together forever. Love never Fales is our family name motto.
@PatrickF Hey PatrickF. I’m in the same boat as you. Married 20+ years. What changed for me was that I stopped drinking alcohol. All those years of self medicating suppressed my doubts and compulsions. Once I no longer had alcohol, all of the sudden I had these huge perceived marriage problems which manifested into the worst six months of my life. I am fortunate to have a wonderful and supporting wife who stood by me before even before I had the OCD diagnosis. Now we know the monster I am up against, and she fully supports me in every way. I’m still learning about what OCD is but the more I learn., the more I do ERP and continue with medication, the better I get. Cheers
@DadPerry @dadperry I can relate to your story. My scrupolosity OCD had me give up alcohol over 30 years ago. I have been slowly cautiously reintroducing it back into my life. It helps me relax and enjoy life again with my wife. Together we know and recognize when the OCD bully is showing up and just laugh at it and can beat it at its game.
@PatrickF Curious and no pressure if you don’t want to say, are you on any OCD meds and drinking alcohol? I’m just wondering what interactions alcohol may have with my Zoloft. I’m sure everyone’s experience is a bit different. Just wondering what your experience is if any.
@DadPerry @DadPerry I manage my OCD without any medication. I would not recommend alcohol with any medication. I am a rare person these days that is 60 years old on no medication at all. I deal with health OCD too which makes me scared to even take ibuprofen or acetaminophen. I had great people helping to support my transformation journey these past 2 years. My wife and 6 kids, Mark DeJesus got my Scrupulosity OCD under control and restored the joy of my salvation, and the therapist at NOCD who taught me ERP. The supports groups at NOCD help me remember I am not alone with this. Love the content on you tube by Patrick McGrath andNathan Peterson (ocdandanxiety). My OCD shows up in many themes in my life but thankful the symptoms didn’t/don’t require medication to get them to calm down.
@PatrickF Mark DeJesus has been tremendously helpful for me as well. Was excited to see another from his community on here!
LOVE THIS!
After several months, my then best friend realized that me getting better didn't fit her "vibe" because she never sought help for her mental health issues. She cut me out of her life and I haven't heard from her in 4 years. The rest of my friends however saw how hard I was working on my OCD Therapy and were always encouraging my progress.
I'm sorry to hear that. My sister gave me distance when she made improvement with her mental health. It was triggering that I was still struggling, so she created distance. Did your behavior toward her change at all? Otherwise that is sort of strange.
Im so sorry to hear that. Please know you are not alone and we are proud of the progress you have made and will continue to make!
You are so brave
Well I just made this so that tells you something
My boyfriend couldn’t handle it and he dumped me
@nikkilomillo My ex of nine years just did the same, but I’ve found it is a lot of his inability to handle his own emotions and using my OCD as a scapegoat rather than facing he had his own internal work to do. It’s a lot of work to not blame yourself but as other friends with OCD have told me the right person doesn’t view OCD as a burden
@Madison1 Thank you for this.
@nikkilomillo That is so sad to hear
@Madison1 my gf just broke up with me of 6 years for the same reason a few days ago
You getting better led to him dumping you?
@Madison1 He dumped you because of your ocd or because you got better? Did you have it as severe before you got together?
@Angela121 He dumped me because of how severe it was getting
@nikkilomillo you are worth so much more than that. and you are loved unconditionally 🩷
@Angela121 He dumped me because he got exhausted dealing with it. Turns out he has fawning response and even though I’m better than I was two years ago, he just got worn down and couldn’t do it anymore
@Madison1 I'm so sorry to hear that. 😟 Way to go on your improvement in your journey though! That is great. 🩷
@nikkilomillo That is the exact same thing that I am going through. Bc I’m “too much” when really he was just a pos. Anyways I support you!
@nikkilomillo That’s so sad
I'm sorry to hear this. I wish you a bright future
I'd have never been able to date prior to ERP due to my very intense ROCD, SOOCD, and TOCD as well as other types. Now that I'm doing ERP I've been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half!
I think with any relationship there are adjustments to change. Things that are harder is having a partner that wants to help to fix and make things better with reassurance and telling them that doesn't help. Positives are I am able to process and communicate when I am having a moment and letting it be just that.
I am SO happy to hear that you are communicating the support you need vs the support OCD wants to your partner! Keep up the amazing work!
I’ve recently noticed that inconsistency in therapy negatively affects my relationship. My SO has noticed that I’ve been tired and sad lately, and he so badly wants to fix that - which he can’t. It feels like my OCD ruins things with the person I love because of the whole control thing, or having things a certain way. I’ve learned a lot of tools from therapy but it feels like everything I’ve built is crashing down, and it makes me ruminate even worse.
I am experiencing this right now. I know it will get better but I'm going through that first crash and it sucks. Thank you for sharing this. 🙏
Same
My not quite husband (been together 10 years, but financially haven't been able to tie the knot) has been my biggest supporter through my diagnosis, ERP and beyond. I feel so incredibly grateful to have someone who sees all the ugliest parts of me and loves me anyway ( he even attended some sessions to learn how to help me work through exposures) I know with OCD you can feel really unlovable. But to anyone reading this it is possible don't settle for less 🧡
@Vicki_1027 Thank you for saying that, my ex of nine years just left because he couldn’t handle me having these emotions and wouldn’t do the work to understand me, and I’m still working on not blaming myself for not “getting better faster.” It’s reassuring to know that there are people willing to love you through it all
Before therapy, I felt that my husband was constantly in danger. It made me withdraw from him to avoid the intrusive thoughts. Now, I am leaning into the vulnerability of love, because I know that no compulsion of mine will ever make us more or less safe❤️ it’s not always easy and it’s far from perfect, but every single time you choose to stand up to OCD, it loses its power.
@flanndaug i’m struggling with this i constantly check her location like a hawk, how did you get over that?
For the first time in years I am actually able to stay in a committed relationship without ending it out of fear! Absolute game-changer. OCD definitely tries to latch onto whatever it can in my current relationship, but I keep working through it with erp and I’m even able to be honest with my boyfriend about my fears (except some of the specifics).
@SeptemberSky Proud of you 👏🏻 ❤️❤️
@cexienl_10 Aww thank you!!
I calllll people all the time I buy I know im annoying buts it’s a compulsion and im working on it I feel like saying sorry or block me when I get my period it’s hard so this week has been tough
I met my partner very quickly after breaking up with my ex, with whom I had a very toxic relationship. The memories have fueled my ROCD in my current relationship, even though my partner is so unbelievably supportive. I have battled feelings of guilt for not sharing every thought I have about our relationship or the constant doubts that run rampant. One thing that really helped was doing a therapy session together, where my therapist helped me to explain how my ocd works and facilitated a conversation about how our relationship is impacted by ROCD. I care for my partner sooo much which is part of the reason I work so hard in ERP. Our one year anniversary is next week, and I am so proud of how far we have come.
My boyfriend and I will have been together for 5 years on the 10th. I didn’t get diagnosed with OCD until November of 24’ every since I started therapy and really putting in the work I’ve actually been able to be in the moment in my relationship and now always worry about what is going to happen. My boyfriend was actually really interested and I wanted to know how to help and actually sat through half of a session with me while my therapist explained what to do and what not to do. And he still follows it to this day and this was months ago. My therapist hasn’t been available for a couple months now but I’ve honestly been doing great with out therapy and think I’m ready to move into only going when needed. Our relationship is stronger than ever I feel and I’m so happy that I stuck to the work and feel free from OCD even though I do still have my moments. But I know how to deal with them now.
My partner says she has me back since I got better. Honestly my ocd impacted every aspect of my life. Without nocd I would have been heading for divorce. And now I have freedom and choice about how I react to my ocd brain. 😍Game changer for all my relationships!
I’ve been able to notice and convey my needs better since starting therapy! I now don’t cope with compulsions, but with healthy and open communication. It has been so nice to have relationships dictated by love and vulnerability instead of fear and hiding! 💛
I am very happy for you! I have hope that others will also experience this too.
Struggling as always with this…I tend to ask for reassurance, create scenarios that don’t happen, and go back and reread messages to make sure I didn’t ruin anything.
October 19th 2020; I had gotten extremely high and drunk while in the mindset that my girlfriend wasn’t faithful to me with someone very close to me. When I woke up the next day from that I had gone into extreme panic and anxious obsessive thoughts. That was the day my OCD truly began to haunt me and with it I grew a terrible resentment towards my girlfriend and anyone I thought knew or was involved in the obsessive thoughts that came into my consciousness. The fear of the unknown so strong that I had dismissed all the love and support and convincing they were doing to show me that my thoughts were wrong. It’s now been 5 years+ since then and therapy has begun to mend those relationships and although we’ve since broken up because of how bad my OCD got, that resentment is slowly going away and will hopefully go entirely in time.
My partner and I are doing well. He is a great support during my OCD journey and our relationship is actually stronger because of it. He finally is able to see a vulnerable side of me he has never seen before. Those that aren’t able to accept you for better or for worse are not soulmates, they’re soul visitors.
My husband is literally "never bothered". He is always steady and respectful even when I'm absurd. Some days it comforts me. He is a rock and steadies me but my brain sometimes convinces me that he's bottling it up and when he finally can't take it (me) anymore, he'll leave me.
It was a huge strain in our relationship, but I think the moment he saw me really working on improvement he knew I just needed space to work on out my shit and now with NOCD (plus constant working out and a lil’ lexapro 😆) I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and been pouring all that love back to him
Caused a lot of overthinking, self questioning, questioning others’ intentions… I don’t have many relationships outside of work and routine interactions.
I am in a closed triad realationship and manging my rocd, is really challenging to make sence of. I have been compulsions of isolating and not sharing myself emtions with my partners.im scared and dont know what i want.
I am no longer developing sneaky tests on my partner to see if she's the right match. This makes her feel a lot better obviously and she is allowed to be herself! ❤️
The treatment has been critical to getting to where I can let others in more. Not easy but worth it!
I’ve been living with my sister for the past 2 years and I think she gets sick of me every time I ask her to do something, I think it affects our relationship more than I would like to admit.
@Laysa I struggle with something very similar you are not alone. I feel totally responsible for her feelings, but know it isn’t true! stay strong
Severely. It’s been so difficult for the both of us to deal with how I am as a person now and how my attachment style is and so much more but I’ve been able to keep my head on straight sometimes and make things right and we’ve both tried our best thusfar and I’m ready for things to continue. We’ve been together for well over a year now and while things have been hard for us, I’m still sticking with it❤️. OCD has made things much harder tho with the constant reassurance, the constant uncertainty about if I love her or not, the constant stuff we both have going on and etc.
I have OCD but I’m not sure my girlfriend knows. I never knew there was relationship OCD and it makes sense. My OCD is ruining my relationship. I’m pushing my girlfriend away, we’ve been together for a year and feel so distant from each other. The constant thoughts of “she’s mad at me, she doesn’t love me, I’m not wanted, she isn’t attracted to me” have taken over and I’ve been so depressed. Her actions prove but in my mind I have those thoughts and I don’t know how to combat them.
My girlfriend and I have been going through a rough patch as well. Understanding my OCD is really a turning point in our relationship and it is scary because we too have never been so distant from each other and it's frightening to think of the alternative of not being together. I am really struggling with cleaning compulsions and I will try and clean up but end up making a bigger mess, disrupting her things, and doing things like organizing the kitchen a whole new way because ive suddenly the "right way" to fix it. We haven't been intimate in months and all the time I worry about if she is still attracted to me and loves me. In my previous relationships, I would have sought reassurance and affection to know everything is okay. I am doing better at controlling my fawn response but it goes the other way in "i am going to what i am going to do independent of you" in efforts to not need reassurance which doesn't do much either. It's a really tough place to be. We've encountered a lot of stress in the last couple of months that have really pushed my symptoms and made my life miserable. I am constantly worried that something catastrophic will happen when I am away from the house. I have to mentally rehearse every morning to know if I locked the door and turned the space heater off and I know i do, I have never come back to an empty house or burning inferno, but I just cannot stop thinking about it. The first step is seeking help and we are doing it! It is incredibly scary to think these thoughts of doubt about my relationships or my partner but I am glad that I now understand they are not me. And that they will not always be present and strong. I encourage you to seek out people you trust to talk, not necessarily about your relationship or OCD struggles if you don't want to. But I think letting others know you need support is a very good thing and shows you trust and care for them. It's not easy to be vulnerable but it proves how much you care, about yourself, your partner and the fate of your relationship. I wish you all the best :)
@Anonymous I’ve also been through a lot this last few months at work which have made my OCD worse. I’m back to double checking I locked the doors and taking pictures to look at when I have those thoughts, double checking I unplugged my straightener because I fear I left it on and will start a fire. I’ve also been doing it with the stove every time I use it too. I work a really high stress job in the field of human services as well which doesn’t help. I’m so empathetic and take on other people’s feelings. I haven’t worked on much in controlling my thoughts and lately I don’t think my therapist is helping so I’m seeking a new one. If you have any suggestions on how to work through this I’d love to hear it. I also haven’t been intimate with my girlfriend in months which is so hard for me. Especially because I need that physical touch to feel wanted which sucks.
The hardest part is when they don’t understand, or seek to, and just stereotype your ocd. It’s best for me to just work on it on my own as they don’t have interest in how it impacts me internally / emotionally.
I’ve been able to form better relationships with better.
When it's good it's great, when it's bad it's BAD, until it's good again.
Ripped apart my ability to be in a relationship after trauma. I’ve been in relationships but am working hard so I can be in a healthy one
This thread is so relatable thank u
I choose to be single because one I don’t have time for a relationship working so much. 2 I would rather a friendship and my pet cat over a man. 3 I sadly realize how hard it is to find someone you can connect with and then to add ocd into the mix and im happier alone to be honest than to deal with all the drama heartbreak and complexity of our relationship. My friends who are married don’t seem all that happy and one just split from their partner of 12 years and is pretty devastated
@amandaw8617 I think OCD really fuels a lot of doubts about things like this. I had the worst time with OCD and generalizing categories of people/things. Sometimes I still do, and I shrank to coincide with OCD so much.
I got divorced
Im starting therapy AGAIN tomorrow!! Hoping to improve connections and confidence and the confessing bullshit! I started therapy 5 years ago and was in a relationship that didnt care about what was going on w me so I just shut down and drank it away. Which of course ended in disaster!! Ive been compromsing with ocd for so long I didnt realize I was doing it. Significantly lowering my standards and things I tolerated just because they reassured my ocd…. Thats stops now hopefully! No backing out this time. Facing it is better than living with it and feeling this GIANT BOULDER on my chest of guilt and shame whenever I like somebody. POCD and ALLL the themese are torture. Hopefully I can do it this time!!
I’ve never liked anyone enough for them to know
I overdo things and excessively worry i’m not doing enough at the same time. I constantly feel like I am being pulled in all different directions, especially with my sister. I feel like if am not spending my free time with her, then I am neglecting her and her feelings. But then, I also feel like I am neglecting my relationship with my boyfriend if I spend too much time with her. I choose to stay home and cater to my sister constantly and check on her mood and feelings to decide how to spend my time. I am worried if I spend time away, my sister will become mad at me and maybe run away or do something terrible. Thankfully, my boyfriend is very understanding of my issues, but I remain stressed heavily by my internal conflict. It affects my relationships by it feeling safer to isolate overall and stay home where i am safe from making ANYONE upset
Reading this, I understand completely where you are coming from. I was in a relationship where I did the same thing, worry and obsess over spending time with one person and not another, when both relationships were important to me but I struggled so much being present in either. Not to mention it's easy for people to detect this sometimes and take advantage of you and your time. I hope that you can find peace soon and know you're not alone. I am only just starting my journey, I thought that my hoarding compulsions and adhd counteracted or cancelled out my compulsions of cleaning for hours at a time and obsessive thoughts that there would be an electrical fire and the house would burn down. I understand your feeling to isolate and be alone, because you can be yourself and unmask and the only person you have to answer to is you. I really overthink and ruminate on a lot but your experience has given me a lot to think about and I am happy we are both on this journey for ourselves and our loved ones.
I see that I’m a lot calmer more serene
Yup I overthink everything
I'm sorry to hear that. 😟
My wife and I have been married over 20 years. And for many of them I had intrusive thoughts about if she really loved me. I have been able to use good response prevention messages when situations come up where the intrusive thoughts want to run wild.
yes, at first it was hurting my relationship. but my bf did a lot of research and he was the one that encouraged me to get properly diagnosed. im glad i know now
I am able to advocate for myself more and communicate when my thoughts are obsessions or genuine thoughts to entertain.
My partner does not have OCD, but I do. I feel it is hard for people without OCD to truly understand what OCD and what we are doing in treatment.
I have the occasional suspicions.
They don't let me do ERP therapy for starters...
I have friends that respect my boundaries and understand my OCD it’s great
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