ROCD and politics

I’ve been struggling with obsessive thoughts about my partner (of 6 years) who shares some differing ideas on politics than I do. It’s gotten significantly worse because of the state of things in the US right now. I become terrified of him, worried that he’s a horrible person, worried that we don’t share enough values to have a healthy partnership, and worried that I have made a terrible decision being with him. When, evidence shows he is generally great to me, but might think differently of some things than I do. ERP has been tremendously helpful but my mind is struggling with ‘believing in’ ERP right now because my obsessive thoughts are so convincing. We’re in couples therapy, but I’m trying to work on my ‘stuff’ and not dump it all on the relationship.

j vv

Date posted: 4d

This sounds wildly difficult. ROCD is very tough to live with when there are real relationship issues in play. I know from experience. Separating ROCD noise from genuine issues in a relationship takes time. Sometimes a long time. There were lots of ups and downs for me when OCD would simply flare up due to couples therapy and conflict…and a lot of energy would need to be spent to manage it. There wasn’t a way around it. I had to actively fight OCD’s urge for relationship certainty *right now* and put in slow, steady work over time instead. What helped me was re-framing my relationship struggles as an opportunity for personal growth: this was exactly the kind of ERP I had been practicing for! If I did my best in NOCD therapy and couples therapy, I was hopeful that I would grow regardless of outcomes. And I have. 🪴💚 Stay patient, keep working with your OCD specialist and couples therapist. Wishing the best for you both 🫂

rachelrwchel

Date posted: Yesterday

@j vv Thank you for your response - I really appreciate it. I’ve sort of been thinking similarly with regard to the reframing. Like, the effort (both with ERP and within my relationship) isn’t ever lost. And, I feel like I’m growing as a person and learning in really big ways which transfers to other areas of my life, too. It’s just u n c o m f o r t a b l e as heck, though, so I do have to balance it with things that actually make me feel good about myself. But, I’m expanding my tolerance for discomfort which is also interesting/useful/helpful. Would you say that your ROCD is ‘manageable’ for you, now?

j vv

Date posted: Yesterday

@rachelrwchel Manageable, yes! Still disruptive? Depends on the day. I find if ROCD wants me to spend the whole day focusing on the relationship, then dialing into what *i need* and small things that can bring me joy instead helps…not as a form of avoidance, but as an effort to live a balanced life despite relationship turmoil. Doing my best to build a friend and support network also helped. I found that relying less on my partner for my needs and distributing that into other areas of my life also eased the tension in my relationship quite a bit. I read the book *Other Significant Others* by Rhaina Cohen and it helped solidify the need to stop putting all of my eggs into one relationship basket, so to speak. It is a work in progress, but yes I would say ROCD does not run my life at this point, thankfully!

Bunny7

Date posted: 5d

That's definitely tough, ive really noticed a narrative in the general population that's like, "if someone doesn't agree on x political issue, they're a bad person" and hearing those messages just makes the OCD thoughts louder most of the time. I've struggled with thoughts like these in my relationship and they suck to go through.

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