My constant unwanted thoughts makes me more and more distanced from my girl :(

Fiance to be more precissed. It all starter from having the thoughts about hurting the children in sexual way, then that I am a gay, and so I cant be with her, now it is like i dont live her anymore. It all change, the feelings, in like a 2 days. Why it is doing it to me? I just want to be happy and feel what I felt before :(

Good question. She is an awesome support for me and we both have learned so much about OCD. As a team, we saw it was taking me over little by little to the point where I couldn’t live a happy life. At that point, we decided to walk hand-in-hand into a local specialist who I continue to see to this day. Looking back man, it was not easy admitting that this was part of me, but now I am thankful that I broke that barrier that is so hard for some to do. She is an amazing woman who I will thank for the rest of my life for being a part of my life change/migration to cracking the code of OCD? I think in a way bringing issues to the surface in relationship brings you closer than those who avoid them. How can you truly ride or die with someone if you aren’t willing to help one another become better. So attack it, expect anxiety and tough days, but know that it is all worth it. You’ll look back and be like wow, look how much more free I am. Look how life has changed for the better.

what thoughts are you having? are they intrusive thoughts about harming her?

HOCD/ROCD is a monster just like all the other themes. I have battled both for the past 5 years man. You’re not alone. 2 years ago I began to see a specialist and really put effort into making a better life for myself mentally. It was awesome! I was doing exposure therapy, had a new job, my girl an I were happy. I literally changed my life and the man I am today. Without the insight of my specialist and just learning about how the OCD brain works, I would have never been able to get this far and free up this amount of mental space. However, right now it’s a different story. I’m not back to square one by any means, you never go completely back. The OCD brain is something that you learn to master and manage. A few years ago I learned how to access the blessing side of OCD and tamed the curse side. OCD follows your ups and downs in life is what I realize as a veteran. It rides with anxiety and change. Unfortunately, to grow and succeed in life we must learn to change swiftly. So expect OCD to act up during change/high anxiety situations and you’ll learn to laugh in its face (sometimes haha) Dig deep into yourself. Trust me, from experience, we in the OCD population have a blessing. I’ve seen it in action and I plan to see it again for good. Learn to use it ✊?

Has it affected your relationship? How was your lady dealt with that? I would do anything to feel free again... And loved&happy when i am with her :(