Hocd?

I'm gonna describe a situation, plz give me your thoughts. A girl has hocd, has had multiple episodes in two years. Then one day, she feels the thoughts creeping back in and is in an episode again. However, this time is different than others. About a few weeks into this episode, they get a feeling that feels like a "knowing" that she is gay. This feeling sticks around and even grows stronger throughout the next few months. It is now 3 months later, and it still feels real and strong. It feels like more of a constant feeling instead of thoughts. But the girl hates it. It feels like reality rather than hocd, it feels like shes in denial of the truth. She's still obsessive. Googling about it everyday, hoping it goes away, etc. It only goes away occasionally when she attracted to boys briefly, but usually she feels numb or no attraction towards boys, and feels attraction towards girls. The person feels calmer and not as anxious, but also distressed and not happy about the situation. It's like they went from questioning to a feeling of "this is the truth". However, they still don't want to be gay, they hold onto hope it's still hocd. What do you think is happening?

Anonymous

Date posted: 4d

this is absolutely still OCD i had something so similar happen and it was so scary.. OCD can be so convincing and latches onto the things that it knows would bother us the most if it attacked them.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4d

Thank you so much for your support!! It is really scary 😓 and even scarier chatgpt told me it sounds less like ocd 💔

Anonymous

Date posted: 3d

@Anonymous chat gpt is my worst enemy right now… i got into a relationship with my bf and ROCD is eating me alive… we got this🫶🏻

Anonymous

Date posted: 3d

@Anonymous I've experienced rocd too, sooo hard :( yes we've got this 👍

BluebellGem

Date posted: 4d

I can relate, it’s constant for me with some fleeting reprieves and moments of hope, but then it’s snatched away again. I also have been stuck on this “knowing” feeling for a while too. It feels like blatant denial, but I pray it’s just ocd being imaginative! Hang in there

Anonymous

Date posted: 4d

It's been constant for months, had an episode start in June that didn't feel as real, then in late October I first experienced this "knowing" sensation. It's horrible, but relieving to know I'm not the only one. Stay strong ❤️ would you say that "knowing" feeling feels pretty constant for you, like kind of at the back of your mind?

BluebellGem

Date posted: 3d

@Anonymous Remember, it’s very common for it to “feel different this time”. It’s been constant for me in varying degrees for a very long time, much longer than you, and I have a constant knot/sinking feeling in pit of stomach, and although it pipes up still, it doesn’t scream as much as it used to, just a constant pit and commentary in my head and that makes me scared it’s me arguing with my intuition. I am always worried about whether I’m anxious enough or it is noisy enough to be OCD. I know I have OCD but ROCD/SOOCD feel different from any other themes I’ve experienced - they are more sticky and stubborn and longer lasting. I think they are the most ambiguous subsets though as relationship and identity doubts are normalised in society, whereas it’s easier to rationalise some subsets as “irrational” like, for example, Harm OCD, but there are more nuances and grey areas with these subsets, which means OCD can produce an endless list of doubts and it can feel realistic. It’s moved to emotional connection for me as well, which is the absolute worst as I used to be able to reassure myself by saying a relationship isn’t based on sex, but it’s morphed into the romantic part now and that’s even scarier! I hope that’s a reflection of OCD doing what it can do to become more and more convincing, opposed to it being part of the coming out process. It feels so real, it’s horrible and I hate it!

jag92

Date posted: 3d

Gosh totally in this part of it too!!! I get so anxious about dating that it’s making it feel even more like denial atm

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