Any Catholics have experience with prayer?

@Anonymous Thank you! I can totally relate to your struggles with not knowing what is compulsion or true prayer. My struggles right now relate to me avoiding prayer because I know the thoughts will come when I pray. I know that I will be praying and a bad thought will pop into my head and it will feel like those thoughts are praying to God telling him that I am petitioning for that bad thing to occur, so I have to ask God to hear my true prayers over and over. Not to get too deep into it but I just wondered what you experience talking about your faith was in your therapy. I know my therapist is not Christian, but I have never opened up about these particular obsessions yet. You will be in my prayers, my friend in Christ! St. Dymphna, pray for us!

@polki Thank you for sharing those particular details of your journey! I definitely have times of avoiding prayer for similar reasons you mentioned, especially during my highest distress times of OCD, and those are hard times! I can only offer you consolation that you are not alone. Regarding my personal journey of talking about my faith in therapy, when I joined NOCD, I searched for a therapist who mentioned knowledge of Christianity. It did take me a little while to truly open up about my faith in therapy, and I still have my hesitations and moments of being reluctant to say something to my therapist that I might not hesitate to say to someone in a Catholic setting, perhaps out of fear of judgement or misunderstanding or embarrassment. Like telling my therapist I think I committed a mortal sin? That’s terrifying! But something that has been good for me is remembering that my therapist is there to help me. My interactions with my therapist are private, so they stay in the room. If my therapist doesn’t understand my struggle, I can explain it more, but they can’t help me if I never say a word. I know that doesn’t make it any less terrifying, though. It just perhaps gave me a little more courage to push through that terror because I remembered why mentioning my faith is so important. For me, a key reason there was keeping my faith central in my life. And my therapist has been really receptive to what I have shared about faith. Plus, you’re always able to sort and sift through what your therapist tells you, or even offer resistance, if you think it’s not aligned with Catholic values. That was important for me to figure out. All that to say, thank you for your courage in sharing what you did and in asking these questions. Steps, no matter how big or small, are always significant!

@Anonymous Gosh, I am so grateful for the insight you have shared. Your articulation of your experience as well as humility to not step into roles you can’t say you hold is admirable, and your generosity to lend me the advice you do is special to me. You pinpointed my exact thoughts about being open about my faith with my therapist- It would feel embarrassing almost. I guess I couldn’t bring myself to admit it as someone who tries to be unapologetically faithful, but It’s important to remember that it can still be hard especially when others won’t fully grasp your faith. It’s very helpful for your insight to be heard about resistance. With OCD, figuring out what is obsessive/disordered and what is not is already a challenge in it of itself, so this topic that I can for sure relate to seems like something that I can bring up with my therapist. I appreciate your thoughts. Lastly, your final comment makes me want to share with you a motto I think you would relate to. You maybe or maybe not have heard of it. It is the Latin phrase “Nunc Coepi” or “Now, I begin” This phrase was one from Venerable Bruno Lanteri, and it refers to being present in the moment and not occupying yourself with the trials and falls of the past, but taking steps in the right direction. It has been very helpful to me in my OCD journey, especially at the lowest and feeling as though Im lost, and your words reminded me of it. Thanks again and Nunc Coepi.

@polki I believe I had heard that phrase before, but I think you reminded me of it when I needed to hear it. Nunc Coepi to you as well, my fellow friend in Christ. All the best to you.