The guilt from my OCD is insane, sometimes I truly feel like I’m the worst person and I deserve death

I have it too but recently realized the relationship between feeling guilty as absolution and feeling like you’ve served your time and completed something as a sick victory- and how addicting the cycle is. I have found myself scanning my past searching for more things to feel guilty about and always feel the need to confess or hear someone’s perspective that I’m a good person- but as relieving as that feels to hear, it doesn’t help because i seek it out again with more detail and more context. Your past doesn’t define you. Hindsight is 20/20. Every second is a new chance to define yourself. Try to spend it being kinder to yourself. Reminding myself that I’m more capable of making better choices now, and that everyone learns and grows at their own pace helps.

And keep in mind, when you look back in hindsight, you are looking through the completed negatively skewed lense of OCD....your memories of the past are not accurate...give yourself a break

This was very helpful, thank you...I go through periods where almost any present experience triggers a feeling of guilt from the past....

@bogey so do I!!! And then other times I’m free of guilt and any memory associated with it. I realized that a lot of the things I’ve felt OCD type guilt over were actions I stopped before carrying-out when I was at a young age. And even at a young age i carried guilt for things that were very normal for that age/circumstance, which i can laugh at or understand better now without guilt. Only now, new items are amplified. Your past self wasn’t as developed as you are now. I like to think that maybe I’ll be more developed in the future and laugh about my guilt for these things I feel guilty about today... side note: if the guilt is for a crime, perhaps you should discuss that further with your therapist. But having reckless anxious obsessive thoughts isn’t a crime. It’s part of OCD. Having guilt over something that’s justifiable is also part of OCD. Justifying OCD guilt isn’t a product of being an evil genius, i believe it’s just another part of letting yourself know that this is OCD and you’re not a bad person— just feeding the cycle of obsessive guilt/compulsive absolution (“release the oxytocinnnn!”) When the guilt comes for something that I have previously justified as not a big deal, I’ll try and say “nothing I did was even a big deal!” adjust my posture, take a deep breath, and resist from diving down the rabbit hole.

Clearly I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this lately...

Same and since I'm Christian it also makes me feel like I don't deserve Gods love. It really saddens me ?

Phillipians now you do deserve his love please what your brain tells you is not true

Same for me its terrible thats what your ocd tell you you dont actually want to hurt anyone and you dont deserve death

Thank you so much @Linus 56