Does anyone else have this?

I have this huge obsession that I will cheat on my boyfriend. Like to the point where I won’t even walk past a guy because I think I did something wrong or randomly kiss him (weird I know) Today I was at work and I was throwing out the garbage and this guy that works next store was throwing something out too and he let me go first so I went said thank you and walked away but felt weird bc he was next to me but I didn’t like being outside with 2 guys it made me feel very anxious. So then I had one more garbage to bring and I turned around and he was walking towards me and told me to give it to him and he took it from me and threw it out for me so I just stuck out my hand gave him the garbage turned my head and walked away and said thank you. But in my head I’m nervous I was too close to him and that I kissed him or something. I know this sounds ridiculous but it’s not something I would ever want to do. Even if I was single I would not just go around kissing people like wtf. But Because I love my boyfriend so much and my brain like only lives in anxious mode, I can’t see clearly. literally 2 seconds after I do something I think I did something completely opposite of what I did. When I came back inside I felt hot and I wanted to cry so badly I just felt wrong my head was starting to hurt. And it’s all because some guy wanted to do something nice for me. But I can’t do things alone I need like witnesses 24/7 it’s bad and now I just want to go to bed and cry because I can’t handle feeling like this anymore Does anyone else get this? I need to know I’m not alone bc this is confusing 🙃

tooooniiiii

Date posted: Yesterday

i have this too, it sucks so bad im so sorry :(

Elizabethalb...

Date posted: Yesterday

@tooooniiiii I’m sorry you have to deal with this too it’s so draining 🥲

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

aw I understand this can be really debilitating :/ constantly doubting yourself or your reality is totally exhausting, & you’re not alone. OCD attacks the things we value. It seems to me that you value loyalty. The OCD is latching onto this value of yours and making you second guess yourself. It’s helpful to consider OCD as a hungry monster. The more we “feed” it, the more we engage with these thoughts, the bigger the obsession grows. It’s much easier said than done, in a situation like this, it’s important to let the thought be. Believe it or not, we often don’t have control of our thoughts. We have control of our actions, but not our thoughts a lot of the time. Again, I know it’s much easier said than done, but don’t resist the thoughts, & don’t disregard them altogether, but simply allow them to be. May I ask what triggered this obsession to begin?

Elizabethalb...

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous Thank you so much for your advice I appreciate it a lot. I try so hard to just sit with the thought but I already talk to my boyfriend my mom and my sister because I feel so uncomfortable 🙃which is probably why I’m stuck in this but then I feel I am hiding something and some things are easier for me to let go of but some things get stuck in my mind badly. & I’m not Exactly sure but I think it’s the fact of my boyfriend leaving me if I did something wrong and him wanting nothing to do with me. It’s like a feeling I never want to feel. I never want to do anything to hurt him but I get so scared that I will lose control one day.

Elizabethalb...

Date posted: Yesterday

@Elizabethalberta I was also never this bad before but I guess from all the confessing and the compulsions I made myself 100 times worse so now I’m a big avoider of things and people and I can tell it’s affecting me a lot

mrfredrickson

Date posted: Yesterday

I understand this

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