One thing i have learned is that im never gonna win against these demons might aswell enjoy the ride while it lasts haha

And i get these suicide thoughts but they make me smile now atleast i dont have to endure this shit forever

Why do suicidal thoughts make you smile

They probably make him smile because he knows they are just thoughts. Is that right?

But what do you mean you don't have to endure it forever? Do suicidal thoughts make you smile because the thought of killing yourself and getting away from OCD is pleasant?

If I ever get suicidal thoughts, it's not because of living with OCD. I don't think that has ever made me suicidal.

I'm not positive. I doubt everything because of my OCD.

I think maybe my problem is having to express that doubt in my speech.

Or in text or anything now.

I repeat the same things all the time. Things I say.

I have certain things I have to say over and over. Or a lot.

And they mostly express doubt.

Do you have any faith or belief?

If you really think it's demons, pray. Maybe you can win. I have had some relief before that seemed like God, and without changing what I was doing with my meds, but it didn't last. Usually, if I did better, it was because of a med. I don't take any good med now. I can't take Paxil, which is what has really helped me in the past, because it causes terrible sexual dysfunction for me. And I don't want that. I want to function normally. I mean, I can't function normally if I take Paxil. There's no sexual excitement. I get numb sexually. I get physically numb.

Do you Believe in GOD, JESUS, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT?

God might have helped more than once, but it never will last with me.

I mean, it never has. Maybe it will in the future.

Are you talking to them? I have to eat when my food cools.

I am praying for you right now that GOD sends you a person or people that will show you light in a way that your eyes, ears, and heart will understand.

I believe in all that stuff. Well, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

* heart WILL UNDERSTAND!

I'm supposed to be a Christian but have always had a problem with doubting it.

What does that mean?

What do you mean when you ask that question?

Oh, now I see your comment. I wonder who you are talking to.

You said heart both times.

It was because I didn't see the comment before the comment.

I have OCD, but I actually forgot to turn off the oven after the fries cooked. I can do that. Sometimes. Forget to turn off the oven.

My OCD isn't too much about turning off the oven. But a little about that And a little about a lot of different things. It's mainly about my repetitive sentences.

I should have a period before the and.

After but a little about that.

I understand.

My sentences aren't the only thing that bothers me.

I sometimes have to backtrack and retype things.

I understand.

I'm thinking I have an OCD fear that might be considered contamination. So, I was just thinking my sentences weren't the only thing that bothers me. My sentences aren't the only thing that really bothers me a lot. Because I have this fear I'm thinking about right now that I don't want to say. But it's not bothering me too much. I kind of ignore it now.

I think I have a similar fear that is not about contamination.

OCD is so strange.

And so is bipolar.

I get weird panic attacks that involve the fear that's not about contamination. It's like I get paranoid.