Beating OCD...?

Hey y'all, i hope everyone's doing okay. I remember posting here about thoughts that felt gut wrenching and so urgent but lately i feel like ive learnt to live with ocd and have it under control. Of course there are some bad moments but not that often anymore. And i don't know but this has been on my mind lately. I feel like... Because i dont feel the presence of OCD on the surface as it used to be, it feels... as if I'm not that different anymore? Is that normal? I don't even know how this thought makes me feel. I just feel like im in a void right now. It feels very different from back then, but i also don't feel like a different person. Just as if the disability gave me a differentness as if i was more special back then. But I know myself how bad things used to be to the point that i wanted to off myself. It was so scary. Some thoughts still make me wanna just... Get out of my body. But when i remember my past obsessions, i think like, yeah it was nonsense that i was going crazy over that. But it's almost as if this feeling of "not feeling special enough" is a bit upsetting? Well i know ocd is very much present in my life. Even when im writing this theres a disturbing thought in my head telling me that what im writing here right now is exaggerated. I know its present in my daily life, my conversations and most of the stuff. I also remember that I used to not want to get medicated because i was scared of getting better. I don't know anymore. Id like some of you guys's opinions. Thank you

PeacefullyHere

Date posted: 3d

I can totally relate to this and after years of working through OCD, it has been hard at times to sense into the anxiety the thoughts bring. I don’t know if this our body’s own way of adjusting, but to me it feels like you described—like I’m lying and it’s actually what I feel because I’m not as reactive enough or because it doesn’t feel as severe, even though I disagree and dislike the thought or have behaviors that accompany the thought, like avoidance, etc. It all feels like not big enough or not OCD-enough.

Someome_se

Date posted: 3d

Yes it doesn't feel that severe anymore. Its like because the thoughts doesn't feel as disturbing and as urgent anymore it feels like the thought is real and it says something about you right? Because i had that before. As much as i remember as i read before ocd is basically our mind trying to protect us, our mind being on high alert but the alert is unnecessary? Well i just searched it up and the first thing popped us is "obsessions and compulsions are our brain's well-intended, but misguided attempt to protect us." And "no amount of logic and reasoning will give the brain what it needs to be 100% certain that there is no threat." So i guess no matter what it will always find a way to sneak in. What ive always done to get to this point is basically keeping myself busy and doing the ritual that goes like "Acknowledge the thought -> accept it --> observe myself --> allow my natural calming response --> carry on with my day In the situation you mentioned you can think about it as "The thought already doesn't make sense. I did acknowledge that and it doesn't feel as urgent as before. Now ocd is trying another way to sneak in, but im not gonna give in." Ill put the image of the cycle above. Thats how i got through every thought i think. And also with reassurance even though they say it reinforces the ocd cycle, the reassurances i got from my boyfriend is what actually helped. Seeing how my loved one function daily and his responses to my intrusive thoughts basically taught me to normalize what ocd has always taught me to be "normal", which basically isn't. Though What i meant in my post was that its almost upsetting that my ocd isnt on the surface anymore, because now i feel less "special"? Even when Im writing this, my OCD's trying to invade my thoughts but i learnt to live with it now even though it gets to me sometimes. I hope what i wrote here helps 🙏

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