Relationship obsessive thoughts

A few days ago I was on a group call with my bf and his friends. He was telling a story of how he went to McDonald’s that day and the day before (so 2 days in a row) and he could tell the cashier liked him because she kept making eyes at him and gave him free food. He mentioned it his brother saying something like “she totally likes me” and his brother was like “dude?” But then my bf responded “free food.” Idk it was all vague? I tried not to think much of it but later in the call I teased him and said something like “go ask your McDonald’s gf” and he responded with a weird comment that was something like “well I wouldn’t tell you if she was, so the fact I’m telling you means she isn’t” and idk I thought it was weird but since we were with his friends I didn’t say anything. I’ve been thinking about that comment since and I’ve been trying not to obsess about it. He gets defensive easily and I’m scared of bringing it up. We’re long distance so I can’t do it in person and I feel like there’s no right way to talk about it over the phone or text and I wouldn’t even know how to go about it if there was. It’s led to spirals and I’ve been overthinking more lately. I know talking about it would end the obsessions and overthinking but he would get defensive and think I’m accusing him, no matter how I word it. Idk I’m just ughhrrrr Please help :( I know his younger brother was with him and I was thinking about asking him but it would be messed up to ask him and not my bf I’m just overthinking it so so bad

ERP is the w...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

My advice is to specifically get a ocd therapist. I would say no to a talk therapist. But thank you for sharing this becaus I can add relationship ocd to my list of themes as well. When anything intrusive comes to mind , I just listen. I don’t act on it, I don’t share it with my partner. I just let myself feel uncomfortable. It’s not that im trying to avoid conversations with my wife , I’m avoiding reassurance seeking. There are things that you can say to your man such as i dont like xyz because of x reason. But going deep into situation might be reassurance seeking which is better to be avoided

ERP is the w...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

Is this the first time you had an obsession over your relationship?

Phobalys

Date posted: Yesterday

@ERP is the way to be Absolutely not lol I have it bad

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Not sure if you have Relationship OCD but in my experience I would make jokes to gauge my partners commitment. Joking/teasing in this way feels like it can be a way of reassurance seeking. Which is never good for OCD (I know this because I do it all the time with all my OCD themes haha) the only problem is if your partner doesn't always read it as reassurance seeking it can come off accusatory. I personally led with insecurity in my relationship meaning if I act out or say something wrong. I tell my partner "Hey, I did X because I was insecure. It's not your fault but now I'm in my head. Should've never joked like that." Idk how comfortable you are in your relationship to approach things this way. But if you have a therapist I would bring this up to them and see what advice they give. Idk they may even say just sit in the discomfort of the moment and trust the relationship will move past this moment. But idk I'm no professional, I just feel for you because the first 2-3 years of my relationship was plagued with ROCD. We're married now and having a kid. I was lucky my husband never takes anything I say to heart but everything I do. Hope this helps!

Phobalys

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous Yeah when I made the joke I was reassurance seeking. I do this a lot. He’s had to help me through a lot of it on both sides. Thanks so much i appreciate your comment a lot

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