A problem I don't know how to fix. 21+ only

Adults only Adults only As much as I don't want to admit it, I have a compulsive porn use problem. I've been escalating to videos I don't want to see but I watch them anyway because that's what I feel gives me a rush. It will be taboo acts that can be deemed disgusting, humiliating, or taboo, content with celebrities, ai focused fetish content, animations of famous people, sexual drawings of celebrities, and people doing sexual acts in public. I hate that I can't control myself from watching this and what I hate even more is that I feel strong attraction to any of this. Something that was one disgusting to me is something I can't stop myself to watch now. I hate the AI content so much. I see ads plastered everywhere on sites showing real people's faces being used for this awful stuff as I scroll by. I feel disgust and shame when I see it. I see a lot of gross things while looking for the content I want and I just want it to stop. I don't know the solution to this though.

lizzah19

Date posted: Yesterday

I'm in the same boat. I get lost thinking I'm the only one, especially since I'm a woman. I don't think porn consumption is a good thing (personal opinion) but yet I'm addicted to it and feel that similar ocd fear when I don't consume it. If you'd like to talk lmk

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

I agree, it's not a good thing at all and many many people talk about how it has affected them. Are you an adult?

lizzah19

Date posted: Yesterday

@BigGyro09 Yes I'm an adult, 26.

lizzah19

Date posted: Yesterday

But, not to give reassurance -- you're not alone. There are solutions, they take time and are uncomfortable and are difficult. I've been porn-free for years at a time sometimes. Just recently relapsed unfortunately. But we get up and keep working at it. Every day is a new day. Thankfully going to a therapist finally helped when talking about this. Ocd will try and convince you any way to not bring it out into the light. Talking about it is the first step :)

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

Don't you ever think that there is no solution at the end of this? I've been months and months off of porn yet I find myself coming right back. I find that it's getting worse because I'm watching and seeking things that are outright harmful for other people in the world, but I seek it anyway. I just feel terrible about it but I also feel like I just can't control myself. Just thinking about it makes me want to seek more of it but I really don't want to.

lizzah19

Date posted: Yesterday

@BigGyro09 I wish I could say there's a simple solution, but being so maticulous with the how and how long is exactly what the addiction wants. Its exactly what fuels the compulsive behavior. It does get better. Relapses happen, but freedom is so worth it. And each time you get stronger and learn new things that help you fortify yourself. I've found that recovery is not black and white. It is a roller coaster ride. But, I believe in God. I believe that even in those moments where I'm doing the things I shouldn't, even in my heart when I know I don't even WANT to sometimes.. He catches me. Listen to Stephen Stanley sometime, "The Edge" is a song I highly relate to, but all of his music really reminds me its okay to not be perfect. It isn't about 100% perfection. Day by day it's about navigating the choice for a better life. Keep going ☺️ It feels hopeless sometimes but that hopelessness is a liar.

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

@lizzah19 I agree with all of that except for the part about me learning from my relapses. I don't feel like I'm really learning per say. I feel very bad about what I watch, and I feel awful that I let my habits get more extreme than they usually are. I just hope that I don't go back to this same place and I hope my blockers do all that they can to help me. I also believe in God too. I try my best to pray and read the Bible everyday. I've watched really messed up things that I know go against how I am as a person. Things that I don't think about throughout the day. It's gone from tame things to borderline exploitation. I just won't know how I'm going to fix this

jpell0w92

Date posted: Yesterday

The first step I find is that you recognize this as a problem in your life at this moment, which that’s huge in itself, just because we often go back to subjects that are triggering for us that also doesn’t mean we have failed ourselves, small steps towards a bigger outcome. I also wish that society as a whole wouldn’t demonize or put standards on gender based norms, I think it’s beside the point, I think any conscious human being could have these concerns about oneself, from time and time again I have heard people say things like “oh it’s because your a guy” girls don’t have these issues” so backwards in perception. I’m happy your able to also express in however much detail you want to share with this community. 🫶🏻

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

It's been a problem for me for years now. A decade even. It's just hard for me to be kind to myself because of the really harmful things I've seen that I've written in the post. I feel so much shame and disappointment in myself but I go back to watching it all over again anyway. They say shame is what fuels people to go back to it though. And yeah there are women that struggle with this too. It's not just a problem for men. It's a human problem. This affects several groups of people in several different ways

jpell0w92

Date posted: Yesterday

Hey 👋🏻 give yourself some love tonight! Remember we can’t control what people post but what we can do is remember to try and put our thoughts into perspective, and that content isn’t always indicative of our true morals, adult content is designed to be entertainment and millions of people consume it daily, and from what I’ve learned is that is quite normal in terms of usage, our brains get stuck on this notion that it’s bad or awful, that’s the ocd subtype attaching itself to the thought! When you have over it latches itself onto what we hold as important, we panic and over analyze this. The spiral effect!

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

In some ways, you're right. We can't control what others share, but in some ways we can. Several times I've went looking for the kind of stuff that has real famous people in it and no matter how much it disgusts me, I go back to it and I feel absolutely terribly about myself. I read time and time again that this is unethical behavior and if that were me in that situation and I knew I was being portrayed that way online, I'd have a serious breakdown. I just feel disgusting about it, yet I can't control myself from seeking it all over again

lizzah19

Date posted: 11h

@BigGyro09 Yeahhhh I totally get that too. It doesnt feel like learning when the behavior escalates The ocd can make it feel like we need to fix this like.. right now. Take a breath a remember that you are not your addiction. I had a previous message but I think its against guidelines to share my email maybe? Anyway.. this isnt the end Ultimately God's got you and is meeting you wherever you are. Too far gone isnt possible friend 🙂

BigGyro09

Date posted: 11h

My biggest fear is how my friends and family would look at me when they see that I've been struggling with this for so long but know of the things that I've watched. The things that I've seen with famous people put in these scenarios they don't know exists or consented to. It messes with my head a lot. I know I hate this and it's not with my morals but I'm still watching those things and those things are things I look for. I think it's best to keep your email private.

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