loss of self

im not sure what i agree with in any capacity. i feel like a horrifically ambivalent person which will stunt me in any area of my life eventually. how do you make friends or find a life you value? i had a huge internal freak out/spiral and isolated after moving to gainesville for community college but at the same time i know im just losing my social, cleanliness, emotional maturity, etc skills. esp bcus i dont know how i truly feel anymore. im 20 and i dated often in my formative years, treating partners probably closer to a qpr or best friend by majority definition, and to everyone else i tried my best to be the best friend, daughter, etc i could, but around my partner id be honest in my insecurities and playfulness and feelings, i wasn’t able to be my true self around anyone else and constantly felt lonely. but with partners id often lose feelings after some months even tho i knew they were attractive and still cared about them in theory. looking back on this i wonder if i was using them for reassurance and the ability to be my true unmasked self. but im wondering if my unmasked self is really just me being disrespectful to others? esp to my family bcus i would be cold around them, as though i didnt care for their opinions at all and did what i wanted. i then chose to be overly mindful and fawning as a way to hold over until i figure things out. but the truth is life is just getting harder and idk who i am and im wasting time money resources and opportunities. i wish i had passions to follow but i dont think i do. i haven’t felt the spark for any hobbies in the longest time, esp after being bullied at a young age for them.

Anonymous2027

Date posted: Yesterday

Well, all I can say is the fact that you’re 20 and already seeking help and are even on this channel tells me that you’re in the right direction. Keep up the good work. You seem like a very strong person. I hope things get better for you.

figuringitoutig

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous2027 thank you. i appreciate that and do have hope for myself.

scrambledmegs

Date posted: Yesterday

You sound like me. I know your mind is hell right now. I’m telling you and you need to seriously listen to me if you’re honest about wanting to live a life that makes you proud: start. Small. Pick one thing. Start. Just start. Push. Dedicate. Focus. Start small. Time. Work. One thing.

figuringitoutig

Date posted: 18h

@scrambledmegs yes i keep coming to that conclusion or hearing that answer which makes sense. what did you start with and how did it affect you? i had gifted kid syndrome most of my life on top of being sheltered, so i never really learned patience or hard work beyond social gratification/service jobs, when i really yearn for a life of extracurriculars and academia. i started going to the gym and i believe that working out on low intensity will teach me to overcome tediousness and learn how to start and do something for my future/wellbeing, rather than quick gratification. before, i never understood how that would transfer over and it seemed so figurative but im hypothesizing that humans really can change themselves in that way.

Vee92

Date posted: 17h

I get this soooooo deeply. I’m 34 now but struggled with this immensely in my teens and twenties. I tried on dozens of aesthetics, political affiliations, religions, hobbies and careers desperate to find the “real” me. Eventually I found out that there’s no such thing as the real me. All there is is the person I am today, right in this moment. None of my opinions or feelings or likes or dislikes are set in stone and no one will fault me if I change them day to day. I don’t have to lock in what my values are permanently, it’s an ever changing flowing process. Over time you can work on trusting, loving, and listening to yourself, then just do whatever you want to do every day. As for the gifted child syndrome, the spark, the passions, and the values- I feel like in this era, and in my generation and yours, there is SO MUCH PRESSURE for us to know exactly who we are, what our “thing” is, and to be the best at it. We’re expected to have an opinion on every single issue, we’re expected to find our true passion and follow it. That’s way too much pressure and just not how the real world works. Before the internet, people were totally fine not having a take on every single issue and they were fine to work a just-okay job because they didn’t have the spotlight syndrome we’ve been forced into. You’re not the main character, no one is. No audience is watching you- and what a relief!!! You can do whatever you want, no pressure, just go with the flow and do your own thing. You’ve got this.

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